Adult users
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 1, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Adult users
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Thought it might be cool to share đź’• any helpful advice you may have for them for any kinds of relationships, platonic, romantic, etc etc etc... :)
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I would say not to be stressed that you can't find someone right away. I mean, you ARE still a kid. Romance usually comes after school and everything else. Your parents might even forbid you from dating, at the time, but there IS an upside to that:
If you and your significant other aren't the exact same age, you'll be forced (in most cases) to stop dating when one of you turn 18, and you'll have to wait until the other turns 18. I wasn't dating when this happened, but I realized this when I became of age.
So, don't sweat it. It's really not a big deal, as a kid. -
Communicate! Communication is the most important part of any kind of relationship
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Communication is definitely the key.
Minors: please don’t enter a relationship with a adult it’s creepy and they don’t love you they are trying to groom you and I wish someone said that to me when I was younger.
Uh let’s see. Treat others the way you want to be treated and don’t settle for less because you think you can’t do better. Goes for all types of relationships! -
I'd like to say this:
You don't have to be in a relationship. Not even as an adult, but certainly not as a minor. There's this mentality that you're not a complete person if you're not in a relationship, that being in a relationship is somehow a status boost, lets people know you're desirable, or makes you more interesting. It's not true. It's important to learn to be happy with yourself first, in my opinion.
Find what your interests are. Build on them. Find what you love, what's important to you, what your convictions are, what you expect from other people. Knowing yourself, knowing what your standards are, means you're a lot less likely to tolerate bad behavior from partners. Being happy with yourself when you're not in a relationship means you're less likely to stay in a relationship that isn't fulfilling for you out of loneliness.
Also, what Kitty said. Never engage an adult in a romantic or sexual relationship. I know it can feel flattering to have someone older display interest in you, but that kind of relationship is extremely predatory. A relationship between an adult and a minor will always have a severe power imbalance. If an adult makes advances on you, you need to remove yourself from that situation immediately and tell a trusted adult what happened.
Know that the things any adult might say to lower your guard or stroke your ego are not true. You might be mature for your age, but no child is emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship with an adult. Please stay safe, you guys. -
Also would like to add on to what I said please please don’t feel like you have to be with someone that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy or someone that doesn’t respect you. Goes for everyone it’s something I’ve had to learn and if it wasn’t for some of the people on here helping me realize that I would of been in that boat.
No means no consent is a big thing. -
Thank you so much guys, that is a good wisdom
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It is. Actually I was thinking that finding a boyfriend might help me, but now I'm rethinking. Maybe that isn't such a good idea!
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Pay attention to how they handle every day/basic rejection from you, and other people. The way they respond to rejection, a "no." A "I can't do that right now", a "I don't really feel like it" or anything else, even over mundane things like if somebody can hang out or if they can borrow money or have an icecream, can show how they might respond to you when you place a boundary down, or when you do not feel comfortable or ready to do something. If they can't handle being told no or being turned down for anything regular in their life, how can you expect them to accept a "no" for more serious or intimate issues?
For work relationships when you find yourself eventually working: you may come across the scenario of your boss calling you up and saying "hey I need you to cover for this other worker! On your day off!" Or asking if you can come in when you really don't want to and hadn't agreed to beforehand either. Another circumstance you may run into, is feeling very unwell, mentally or physically, but realising you still have work the next day or something.
In all of these scenarios, it is okay to put yourself first and say, actually, I cannot come in for work.
They won't take it to heart and hold a grudge on you, because workers can't always make it to their shifts and a good boss will understand that. There will be others to take the spot you couldn't fill, and they'll be able to manage and get through to the next day. So remember it's okay to say you're not going to work on a day off, or to prioritize your own health when you need some time to recover. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
Highschool relationships, more often than not, will end at some point. But, for a lot of us, they're also our first relationships where we begin to feel seriously attached or dedicated to the relationships. They might be our first long term relationship too, or we get it into our heads that our partner is The One and you're gonna be one of those rare highschool sweetheart couples only to suddenly... break up. But I want to reinforce, this is normal. Very normal. You will find love again and often times, a more meaningful and empowering love than what you had before.
Highschool breakups don't mean that you're unloveable, never going to find true love or never going to be able to recover. They don't define who we are, or who our partner is, nor do they mean that all people of that gender or group that you dated are demons from hell with x amount of negative stereotypes because they ended things. It is just the way life rolls about, and as I said before, love will come to you again, you are deserving of love and still important and full of so many amazing qualities.
But you will need to learn to let that relationship go, and move on and heal as well. So just remember, if that happens to you, it is very normal, and it does not define who we are!
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