Liz's thread for writing stuff
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:29pm
Thread Topic: Liz's thread for writing stuff
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Fandom: Free!
Ship/s: Makoto x Rei, slight Makoto x Haruka
Rating: T
Summary: Makoto keeps pursing something way out of his reach. A lonely boy sticking for 10 years.
The first year my letters were almost daily. I wrote you essays worth of my love. I promised you the world and used all the best thought out analogies and proclamations of love that I could to show you how much I loved you. I'd always enjoyed literature and writing these letters wasn't much of a problem. I'd type them on my laptop, sometimes enduring sleepless nights because I was attempting to complete them by some imaginary deadline. When I finished I'd print them out and send them to you. I never deleted the files from my folders and kept them as bittersweet memories. I thought that maybe, because you weren't responding to them, you weren't getting them. That maybe when you came to see me again I'd show you all the letters you had missed out on.
The second year I stopped writing on the weekends because I became a third year at my high school. I knew that I had to put serious attention to my studies so I'd be successful. If you knew I was doing that, you'd be happy, so that's why I pushed myself to spend a little less time writing those letters to you. Nonetheless I kept writing them to you and mailing them to you. I was still running on a strong fuse and I haven't run out of ideas of what to write to you.
The third year Haruka, who was my room mate at college, encountered the letters and suggested I get them published in a book that served as a compilation of them. He had always silently appreciated my works and occasionally complimented them. This time around it could have been because he thought they were good enough to be publish, but more likely than not it was because he wanted me to take my mind off of you for once. Absentmindedly I did as he recommended and without a lot of trouble and with his help they were published into a book. I didn't care too much for that. All I could truly focus on was spending any little bit of the limited free time I had on writing those letters to you. The more I wrote, the more I felt that you'd answer. During those three years, you answered to a total of zero of my letters.
The fourth year I became even busier with sudden fame over these stories of love that I had published. I'd be invited to local bookstores for signings and there would be some crowd of young girls wanting my attention so desperately. They wanted to know me, the boy they recognized as perhaps the most romantic person of their times. They wanted that romance to themselves, but I was interested in someone much different. I was caught up in getting you attention and love when you wouldn't even answer to any of the letters I've been sending you. I didn't care for the others as much as I care for you, and it was possible that I would never care as much for them as much as I did for you.
By the fifth year I was no longer spending my breaks from college at home or with my friend Haruka. I was typically spending them by going to various parts of Tokyo for more book signings and more young girls who absolutely adored me. My writing was limited to whenever I had time off from them. Those girls left me roses, numbers, long letters of their undying love for me. Occasionally young boys would be in the mix too and they'd do the same. I never turned down any of their affections, but I never accepted to any sorts of relationships they offered me. I'd always say I'm taken, and when they asked by who I would say that I was taken by you; that only you could hold and kiss me so tenderly, only you could bring out the passion in me for long lusty sessions at night, that only you would have my dedication for the rest of my life. These people, who loved me enough to travel miles and miles and write me beautiful letters, bring me various little things as romantic gestures, and support me could not take my mind off you. You, who wouldn't even answer one of the letters I've been sending you for years now. You, who hasn't shown any sign of life for me. You've shown absolutely no pity for me.
Into the sixth year I felt myself losing my inspiration and patience. I didn't write too many letters to you that year. In fact, that year I wasn't paying much attention to too much going in my life. The most vibrant memory for the sixth year was my graduation where I was asked to read some excepts from my book. I looked out to see if you were there in the crowd, and I was the idiot for hoping that you'd be there to greet me, to say that you've read all of my letters, you've fallen in love with me and my writings, and had come on that special day to see me and accept my romantic feelings. Haruka and I went out for drinks that day and even my drunk state and the bitter taste lingering in my mouth could not remove you from my thoughts.
Seventh year and still nothing from you. My fame had calmed down (although I will still continue to get fan mail and invites for local signings) and life events seemed to be more at ease. I began work as an honors literature teacher for incoming first years of high school. While they did their work, I would write out letters to you. I didn't pay too much attention to the work they did for me and it became known that Tachibana-senpai's class was very easy to pass and that he himself was one of the nicest people at the school. I was a beloved teacher, admired by both the students and the staff, yet nothing could be enough for the empty spot that yearned to be filled with your love for me and not theirs.
I was hospitalized for exhaustion during the eighth year. That year Haruka voluntarily moved in with me and made sure that I recovered properly, even if moving in and caring for me temporarily was much to his inconvenience because of his busy schedule. I wrote less than ten letters to you that year. Haruka said many times that I needed to stop and calm down or else I'd become even sicker and die. Knowing that I couldn't die, that I mustn't die before I was given the chance to have mutual feelings shared with you, I listened to him and restricted myself on writing. Also, to the dismay of the school, I was also asked to take a temporary leave of work. Knowing how piteous my state was, I hoped you would feel pity for my shameful condition and come to give someone as pathetic as me some attention. Yet, you never did.
I've lost count how many letters I've sent by the ninth year. The year of hospitalization left me with more time to think, to become wiser. Yet despite me becoming a smarter person, the year after I became sick my letters to you became a desperate cry for help instead of something more clever and witty. I begged for your attention in them, promising that I'd leave you alone if you would just answer one. My cries for attention didn't phase you and you never answered.
Now on the tenth year my health becomes progressively worse. I don't eat much, my students make me much more irritable, I have bags under my eyes. My skin has a yellow undertone and my once muscular body seems stringy. I am not the boy I was ten years ago and Haruka has had enough.
"He's not going to get them," he says one day into my ear coldly, yet I know he puts it in the most gentle way possible. "I understand that you miss him and you'll never overcome what happened to him and the effect it left on you. I understand your undying love for him. But, seriously?" He eyes my hand. I look at the bottle with the letter in my hand sadly and look off into the ocean in front of me blankly as he continued scolding me. "It's been ten years, Makoto. Rei hasn't gotten a single letter and he never will. What the hell have you been thinking all these years, for God's sake?"
I've been thinking that maybe if the ocean took you, it can take these letters to you too and motivate you to come back into my life... to forgive me for failing to save you. -
aw. it's. wow. sweet. i'm speechless actually but i need to comment to tell you how great your fanfiction is.
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Thank you so much!! you really made my day ahhh
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Fandom: Free!
Rating: T
Ship: Makoto x Rei, slight Makoto x Haruka
Summary: Makoto has left to college to Tokyo, leaving Rei to endure one more year before he also graduates. Long distance relationships mixed in with college can be difficult to manage.
Long days, long nights. Each and every day was filled with a sense of hope, the action of waiting, the process of consoling one's self... Each day more tiring than the last. The cycle becomes tiresome; hard to stand even. Everyday there's a heavy feeling in the chest and it's difficult to understand why it's there anymore. Regardless, it is there, and it is intervening into daily life. It has never reached a breaking point because it exists in the bodies of two very patient boys. Sometimes it does appear that those suppressed feelings might boil over, but a few breaths later they are calm again and back to their life routine.
It had been long since these feelings first began. They initiated several months ago, almost a year, when the third years officially left Iwatobi High School to begin their lives as adults. Some went directly to work after graduation, some decided to take a year break before they began to work or attend college, and others like Makoto and Haruka had decided to go directly to college when the semester first began.
In terms of Makoto and Haruka's relationship, there wasn't much effect done because of the fact that they were leaving off to college. On the contrary; they were going to the same college in Tokyo together. The reasoning behind that was partly because that was what they've promised to do, and partly because out of mere coincidence that they were both accepted into the same college.
With their departure, they left their Iwatobi friends and family behind. Nagisa had cried at their graduation and sobbed endlessly on the day they gave their final goodbyes at the train station. Of course they'd see each other again, but it wouldn't be for a while. Makoto and Haruka would both be busy with studying and other activities.
Rei didn't cry at their graduation or at the train station, despite being more affected by the two leaving than Nagisa was. All he felt was a sick feeling to his stomach and a tight throat. Even with Makoto saying over and over through gentle kisses on Rei's face that he'd miss his precious butterfly, Rei refused to show Makoto his true sadness and only said that he hoped they could continue talking. Rei couldn't bear speaking any more over it because he wasn't liking the idea of letting his real thoughts spill through since they might worry Makoto.
The teen didn't exactly like the idea of Makoto and Haru going to the same college together alone. He especially didn't enjoy the fact that they would be sharing a dorm together. Of course Rei wasn't paranoid enough to believe Makoto would do anything funky with Haruka. Makoto was not that type of person, and Haruka wasn't like that either. Makoto was always going off on how he loved Rei more than anything and would never let him go for anything. Haruka was respectful of their relationship and it didn't seem to bother him at all, even if it meant he'd have less time with his childhood friend. Yet, Rei couldn't help it. Why should Makoto wait a whole term just for him? Makoto could easily find someone who could be there for him. Haruka could be that person.
Rei was surprised that even when he proposed they could split so that Makoto could be with someone who could be there for him for sure, Makoto turned it down in a heartbeat and scolded Rei for thinking in such a way. Makoto deserved so much, and Rei wouldn't be able to give him that... How much did Makoto really love him? How much could there be in Makoto's heart that he would wait so long for Rei?
They hadn't been able to see each other for so long and it was becoming extremely painful. Initially they had planned to spent Christmas break together, but Haruka and Makoto were both invited to go explore more parts of Tokyo with other freshmen. Makoto hesitated, but Haruka assured Makoto that it was a onetime chance and they should take it. He said that Rei would understand the situation. Rei did, but it was devastating news.. When Makoto called him telling him about the change of plans, Rei was on the verge of screaming and tossing his phone at the wall. He managed to stay calm, though, as he always did. He wished Makoto to have fun with Haruka and to take many pictures.
It seemed that no matter what, something was always trying to keep them apart.
Ever since then, for Rei it's been a strange feeling of emptiness and that dreadful sensation of heaviness that even Nagisa's eccentric attitude couldn't seem to cure. Of course he'd see Makoto again, but it wouldn't be soon. With both of them being busy, Makoto with his new college life and Rei with taking on both studying and swimming, (even if, admittedly, without Haruka and especially without Makoto it seemed pointless. The only real reason of why he was still in the swim club was because Miho, Nagisa, and Kou begged him to stay.) there wouldn't be much time to call each other later.
Yet today, for the both of them, it was a change in their daily wash of emotions. Today they were excited, nervous, happy.. Too many emotions to express at once and too many to fully distinguish. The day was terribly slow, each class dragging on for what seemed to be hours. Both boys spent most of the day glancing at the clock that was set in certain areas of the room, to which Nagisa had playfully teased Rei for doing and Haruka had nodded understandingly at Makoto for doing.
Waiting. Hoping.
At any moment, they could get a text from the other announcing a change of plants. That made the wait all the more horrible and unnerving. To make matters worse, their plan had only been in place for a few days and it was out of a whim. They hadn't thought of anything that could come up at any given moment. All they wanted was a new hope and something to look forward to. At any time it could fall apart.. And they hadn't registered in their minds that not having this plan at all would be less painful than having it fall apart.
Nonetheless the evening came to the dorm room. Haruka was already in bed early after Makoto assured him that he'd be quiet enough to grant the older boy some sleep. Haruka wasn't a light sleeper, but he wasn't a deep sleeper either. He trusted Makoto, though, as he always did.
The only lights in the room was Makoto's desk light and the dimmed computer screen in front of him. Makoto stared at it restlessly, with a heavy heart, and with surprisingly tired eyes.
Suddenly..
/Incoming video call request from: ReiRei ./
Makoto pressed the accept button faster than his heart beat. The computer suddenly became a bit more brighter as the image of Rei in his butterfly pajamas and usual red glasses. His room lights were on, which Makoto was glad for because it made it easier for him to see his love.
"Good evening, Makoto-senpai."
The formal greeting from that deep voice brings a smile to the tired face of the college student. How dearly he's missed that deep, rich voice, the way he could work with his words, his beautiful appearance... Absolutely everything. "Good evening, Rei," Makoto responds in his usually calm, serene voice. He was sounding slightly sleepy today because he was still adjusting to this new way of living, but it was still about the same voice. His lips were still set in a smile. His head was tilted to his side and he seemed much like a curious puppy.
It had been all too long for the both of them.
"Is Haruka-senpai there with you?" Rei asked out of innocent curiosity. It was still early and the lights were out in Makoto's dorm, so it just seemed a bit odd to him.
"He's asleep, so I have to try and be a bit quiet so I won't wake him up. He gets kinda cranky if he sleep is disrupted," Makoto chuckled. "How are
Long d -
(ignore the "long d" -_-)
-- you and Nagisa? How's school?"
They spoke as if they had just seen each other early that day. Sometimes there were long breaks of silence in which Rei would shoot glances at Makoto, who was always smiling sweetly at him through the screen, and would quickly avert his eyes and display a bright blush on his face as he fixed his glasses. It didn't matter at all if they couldn't find something to talk about. All that mattered that they were, in some sense, together at that moment. Maybe they weren't there with each other physically, but they were witnessing each other speak, laugh, and smile at the time they did it. It wasn't some dumb picture they took a half hour ago.
Just seeing each other made their hearts burst with joy, even if it was hidden by their awkward smiles and lapses of silence. It was a connection that was so desperately longed for.
"Makoto-senpai, I have a surprise for you," Rei exclaimed at one point, practically jumping out of his seat and almost falling over before disappearing from the screen. Makoto was amused by his behavior, but out of respect he didn't laugh. All he could really do was wonder what got Rei into such a frenzy.
Rei came back not even a minute later and held a paper to his webcam. It took a moment for the image to focus, and when it did Makoto read over it quickly.
"Rei!"
Rei's laughter rung out through Makoto's speakers. "I almost thought I wouldn't make it actually, so many people apply for your college. I was really happy when I got it in the mail the other day. I wanted to text the picture to you but I decided to play it cool and wait until I could show it to you face-to.." The boy paused for a moment and cleared his throat, then he adjusted his glasses. "Well, technically we're not face-to-face as of now, but..."
Makoto laughed again and nodded. He was overjoyed. "I know what you mean, Rei, don't stress yourself over it. I can't wait to tell Haru-chan the news."
"We'll be together again." Rei gave Makoto a small smile as he folded the paper back to how it was previously.
"We're always together," Makoto said quickly. He paused and shook his head. "I mean, not literally, but.."
"I know what you mean, Makoto-senpai. Don't stress yourself over it."
They both laughed in unison and suddenly it was as if there wasn't a single problem in their worlds. Everything would be okay and just like before, Makoto found out. It would be like their junior and senior years again where they were all together. Rei had pestered Nagisa about applying for their college, too, and after a lot of procrastinating and hesitation Nagisa got the letter too. His living expenses wouldn't be covered, but Nagisa wasn't worried about that by what Rei was saying. There wouldn't a problem as long as they were all together like the big happy family they were.
They talked about their grades too, their family, just about everything that would normally be of some concern. Luckily, they were both doing just fine and were going without many problems. It was a relief.
Suddenly the clock flashed midnight and Makoto looked at the screen with surprise. "It's late.." he muttered. "The night went by so fast. I can't believe this.. I need to wake up early tomorrow for exams."
"Me too. Did you study, Makoto? If you didn't study you're not going to pass!"
Makoto laughed at Rei's scolding and nodded. "Even if I failed, seeing you was more important. I've missed you so much Rei, I can't express how much I've really missed you."
Rei's face lighted up with another blush and he frantically fixed his lenses. "Do you really mean that, Makoto-senpai? Am I really worth that much for you? Am I actually worth the wait..?"
"Of course you are," Makoto said with a serious tone and another look of slight surprise. "Why would you think you aren't, Rei? I would go to hell and back for you.. So long as there aren't too many ghosts or creepy stuff."
After they got over their fit of quiet laughter, Makoto neared his face to the screen and puckered up his lips. "Kiss~," he said, momentarily stopping the puffing of his lips. "It's not the same as a real one, but it's the most I can offer you right now."
With embarrassment, Rei kissed the other boy's lips that were on the screen. Makoto offered an innocent grin. "When I see you again, I'll give you a kiss and more. You're 18; you can do adult things with your senpai now."
"Makoto-senpai!! Hush! That's embarrassing!"
They both couldn't recall a time in the past few months where they had smiled and laughed so much. Makoto was especially having a hard time holding in his laughs so that Haruka wouldn't wake up.
After constant and tentative goodbyes, I love yous, and promises to see each other soon, Rei's image disappeared from Makoto's screen and Makoto's from Rei's. The dorm suddenly felt darker now, even if it had been almost exactly the same since they started their call. As if the life and liveliness of the room had gone out with Rei's image; as if Rei was the source of life not only for Makoto but for the room too.
It would be gone like this for another long time.
It didn't matter anymore, though. Not only did they finally get to see each other, to share those precious moments with each other, to hear each other's voice again... They were both aware of how they would finally be together and most likely not be separated like this again. Possibly, they could be together for the rest of their time if everything went well, and Makoto would do everything in his power to make sure that things went smoothly with the relationship and person he cherished so very much.
Now all that was left as the slow process of waiting for a better tomorrow. -
Your fanfiction is amazing dear ;w;
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Your writing is wonderful, gurlie. ;w;
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Wow... I hadn't really thought about Makoto x Rei until now but this is just... Amazing 030
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Thank you guys so much gaaah. ;w;
MakoRei is really cute to me. Idk. xD -
Fandom: Sweet Pool
Rating: T
Ship: Slight Tetsuo x Youji
Summary: A quick thoughtless writing about the impact Youji has left in the final ending, with mentioning of Junsei's ending at the very beginning. Also serves as Tetsuo's self reflection at the end. Probably has a lot of typos because I'm just going as I type.
He left so much behind.
In another world, he left behind a curious son. A son who knew he would never fit into society and who felt empty without anyone to guide him and understand why he is the way he is. He dreams every night, trying to understand this notion of a mother, but never being able to fully grasp the concept in his dreams. He'll live his life knowing the harshness that life has in store for him, seeing that he is not fully human, and knowing that he won't have someone like a mother to help guide him through. Yet, he's strangely okay with this and understands it was destiny.
A sister, a devote Christian, who prayed every day and every night that somehow, miraculously, he brother would become healthy again. That he wouldn't have to go to the hospital ever again to spend long periods of time in there, sick, and on the verge of death. She felt guilty all the time over her choice to move away and her choice to let him live alone in that small, plain apartment that he said was not the same without her there. She became a mother at a young age to him, and to her he is not only her little brother Youji, but her life and pride Youji. It was him who taught her to value the moments in life that are good, because at any moment they can be taken away.
That boy, the former basketball player, the life of the party, the one everyone loved so very much. Despite all his friends it was only Youji who truly cared, who asked daily if he was okay because of the happy boy's condition that was slowly growing worse. That boy, Youji, that gave him a second chance to try again and become friends even if he knew he messed up big time. Youji, who he would spend so many after school afternoons with going out to have some burgers (or in Youji's case, just a drink of iced tea) or to go and listen to the newest discs even if discs were a thing of the past. It was Youji who taught him the true idea of a strong friendly bond, even if Youji was unfamiliar with the term friends.
A school bombarded with media due to the scandal of murders and cults on campus. That boy they all knew, Youji, yet never really spoke of too much. No one really knew him on a personal level and all they could ever say about him was that he was always sickly, disorientated, and he just stuck out due to his ill appearance. Yet with his leave, his sudden absence that went unexplained, the school turned into hell and many had to change schools. Ever since then it has not been the same, and that prestigious private school of Komanami Academy was left crippled.
The loving parents who worried about their son... They'd seen so much progress in their son's social conditions even if it was only one boy he brought home a number of times. The news about Youji brought them in shock and for so long they couldn't begin to imagine how to bring the news to their son; it was enough that the boy was in a coma at the time. It was obviously news that would be far too overwhelming. This boy that they didn't even know.. Just now they realized how important he really was, not only to their son but to them too. He was the one who they thought would change their conditions.
The son himself.. A dedicated student claimed to be a genius by most people who ever got to know him. He was always called upon for his talent and though he could be robotic and cold, many did admire him. Yet despite this that boy was insecure of who he was and closed himself from the world to avoid being a burden to anyone like he'd been all his life. All he was confident about was that he didn't belong. Yet.. that boy, that sad and almost pathetic sickly boy that went unnoticed for the most part was the one to open up his soul. Someone as simple as that opened a chest with so many locks it was was ridiculous.
He.. saved Tetsuo from a very dark place. A mind running free of thoughts full of regret of everything he did, full of hatred for himself and some for people like him.. He felt everything that went wrong in his life, all the sorrow of everyone in his life was his fault. So he closed himself, because to him suicide was not the way out and would cause him to be a heavier burden on his parents.
Youji taught him.. that it was okay to be who he was. When he opened his heart, revealing who he really was behind that hard shell.. He was not a monster. He was not a robot. He was a living human being, he had feelings just like Youji did, and even if he was a monster, he and Youji were the same and could be monsters together for the rest of their lives. He and Youji could be the last people on the planet and he wouldn't care, as long as he had him there with him because they were both broken and in need of each other because they both understood each other.
Yet..
That boy.. who is he?
He was nothing more than a painful sensation in the chest now for Tetsuo ever since he woke from that coma.. Youji? It was a name he could no longer remember, a person whose face meant nothing anymore. That name no longer had any meaning, any significance.. It was more of a word now. Nonetheless deep down inside he remembered that boy; the pale skin, the ebony hair, the dark distrusting eyes, the silly idea of forever.. But it was a distant memory.
Despite his knowledge of Youji now long gone, he knew there was an existence out there. Someone out there just like him, or better yet it could be labeled as "something" for the time being. An existence he could just be with. What they did didn't matter in the end.. It was just this connection that counted. Whether or not it was Youji was unclear, and it wouldn't matter anymore anyway because Tetsuo could not remember him.
What was important really was.. Everyday, right before he slept, he thought to himself..
Is it okay to cling to this existence because I feel we connect.. Or is it harming me and must I let go?
Regardless of his choice, he knew.. An existence before this one, perhaps they were the same but Tetsuo didn't know this and didn't dare think of it, taught him the lesson he forgot so very long ago.
Connection with people is important. Of course sometimes it gets obviously and repeatedly harmful between the both of you and you must let go, but that doesn't always occur. You must not tell yourself that it always occurs. There will be someone out there who will make you smile no matter what, and you'll have your up and downs sure, but then even the simplest efforts they make to make you happy will lift your spirits. Therefore it is important to let people in to find the person who will do that for you.
That was what that sick and unfortunately dying boy taught him.
And for that reason, right now, he will continue to embrace that existence, because Youji taught him to trust more and be willing to try and let people in (which he will do with that existence, assuming it's a person)....
Even if he has not a single memory of his Youji.
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