Remember Where the Truth Lies (Part 1) | Comments

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  • That was amazing. I agree with ivoryleaf, the detail could improve but all round awesome! It was a fantastic storyline, and I love stories with action in the first part.

    Wow, only twelve? You have a true talent for this, the structure is incredible, it really flows. Adorable linked paragraphs!!! Sorry, I'm crazy about structure!

    I really hope you keep writing, this should be a big hit. Honestly though,

    MY MOUTH IS WATERING FOR MORE!!!!!

    vulturemonem
    1

  • That was heartbreaking goodness. It's sort of sad to see Shae run around, clinging onto the possibility that her twin sister is alive.

    I love the story line and don't know what to make of it; what will happen next? Why did she see her sister? What will Shae become? The length could be a bit longer as to add more detail. I wonder what exactly happened at the fire and why Shae is seeing her sister, maybe even more ghosts/spirits. It was a great start, especially if it's the first one you've written.

    Wow, you're only 12? The level of maturity and writing style makes you seem older than you are. I'm only 13 :)

    Can't wait for moree.

    ivoryleaf
    1

  • If this is your first story quiz, I can't wait to see your next part :) I'd say that this part was more like a prologue because it was all one thought/idea that was hinted at in the beginning and explained at the end, but that's really no matter. It has no effect on the actual writing, which was very intriguing, and, of course, now I want to read more :) So please, do continue.

    xxblutixx
    1

  • Thank you for commenting, ivoryleaf! I was worried that it wasn't very good, and I'm glad that you, at least, thought it was. And yes, the other chapters will more than likely be longer than this one. This part was almost like a test, you know, to see if people would actually read it, and since they did, I'll put more time into the rest of it. I'll try to have the next chapter posted by tomorrow, and again, thank you so much for reading it! :)

    Fallout3
    1

  • Very good! Nice cliffhanger! I'm really bad at cliffhangers so i'm jealous :D.

    Mirimichelle
    1

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