My New Life Part 3 | Comments

How did you win 5,000 dollars? You lucky duck.

Since I just read all three chapters, I will say that this third one is better than the first and second chapters. The "I's" were capitalized, and your grammar was better. Just be careful on the homophones (there/their/they'r e, which/witch, your/you're, and things like that). And another thing to become aware of is trying to guess the questions that the readers may have, and then to answer them through your story. Like why isn't her mother freaking out that there are two guys in her house now? What happened to Siarra's father? However, it is okay to have certain questions left unanswered at the moment that will later be explained throughout the story (such as why the bus driver was starring at her and where the guys come from) because it leaves a mysterious aspect that catches the readers attention. You also need to slow the pace down.... a lot. And believe me when I say this: it's a difficult thing to do. I struggle with it in all of my stories because there's just so much going on in my head, that I don't realize that the pace of my stories is too fast. Something to help with this is putting detail into the story. Like how did so-and-so feel after a certain event?

With that, I shall end this comment by saying that I do think this has potential to be a really really good story. It just takes a while for it to become one with good grammar and emotion and things like that, but you get better the more that you write. You have a good plot here, and I hope that you continue to write :).

I thought this story seemed familiar!! XD. I'm terribly sorry for forgetting this, but I've just had a really busy summer, and it's not like me to forget something. Usually my long term memory is good because I can remember things from before I went to preschool. Anyways, I am glad that I decided to read this story again.

When it said Jake,Blake I thought of Jack Black XD

Hai Silver. =3 and plus, she is working on part 4 as we speak. :)

When are you doing part 4?