Half Moon:Part 1 | Comments

This was pretty cool as a preview. For the next part, I would suggest making it longer, and explaining or at least describing the situation more. For example, you mentioned a Half Moon and the DSN group and had some explanation as to background history with them, but didn't really get into it (which is fine as long as you plan to in the future some time of course :) ) Also, remember the golden rule of writing: Show, don't tell. I think, though your story has some really nice details such as Leai's eyes/expressions/ch aracter traits, it could become even better with some setting details (like if you had described what Leai had looked like when Michael found her/dramatized what he felt). Also, watch out for explaining all your background information in the narrator's thoughts - sometimes, it can get to be too much information at once, and also, in reality, people's thought processes don't tend to run like that.

So, overall, I did like your story, and I DO want to see you continue and see how this story will go, don't get me wrong :) I just wanted to give some constructive criticism to give your story some of that extra "POW" effect

@PINkD3M0 N you really don't have to be so rude -.- really, this person probably spent a lot of time writing this to their satisfaction and had to gather up the courage to post this online - then you go and knock it down without any, ANY reasoning nor manners. The author does not deserve your disrespect.

3 words and an exclamation point: THIS STORY SUCKED!