Allissa is Bored 1: Some of my favorite quotes :) | Comments

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

When I was a younger, the Dead Sea was only sick.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there

Taking ones chances in life is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.

When life throws you lemons throw them back and say

"B*TCH I WANT LEMONADE"

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Dave Barry has to be a favorite for me on the quotes front....

We all try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

Now I will go see if I can find the stories

I removed my windshield wipers so now I can't get any parking tickets.......SUCK IT!

Studying - (verb) the act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook near by.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

I am not short, I just don't have to bend down as far.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

winter- (noun) the 3 month break between a woman and her razor

i hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really wanna throw a brick at.

i got some more! :D

Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.... again.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason i have trust issues.

THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD GOES BACK TO NORMAL, when the caps lock is turned off.

I don't know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.

Guy: You owe me a drink.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Cause when I saw you I dropped mine.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Revenge is sweet. Revenge is ice cream?

When you get pulled over by a cop and he says, "papers," respond with "scissors." Not only will you clearly win, he will be impressed by your wit and sense of humor.

Guy: What has 100 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk??

Girl: What?
Guy: My zipper.

If you're cooler than me, doesn't that make me hotter than you?

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which is pretty much the same thing.

When a kid makes faces at you through his bus window, follow him home and make faces at him through his bedroom window :)

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO!'

If it's true that opposites attract then I need to find someone who gets up early and does stuff.

XD you be welcome. I have almost an quote for any situation like love quotes, true quotes, funny quotes, deep emotional quotes, depressing quotes. The list goes on, and on, and on, and on. I also can pick any song for any moment, as long as It's a rock, metal, or dubstep song I can. Eh, my head hurt's I live in Georgia, and it get's like a hundred degree's here, and plus it being one of the most humid state's in America that doesn't help either.

here are some funny quotes i know:

I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.

I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.

I'm never wrong. I once thought I was wrong, turns out, I was mistaken.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with the enemy

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Last night I was looking at the stars and I wondered... where the hell's my ceiling!

i'm one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES:

>>ONCE when it's told to me
>>ONCE when it's explained to me
and

>>ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water.

Loved you're quote's they brought a smile to my face cause they were some of the funnyest s--- I heard all day. I have some quote's

Ever look at you're ex, and think: Was I drunk the entire realitionship.

L ook like a girl. Act like a lady. Think like a man. Work like a boss.

Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually

It's ok to disagree with me. I can't force you to be right.

I hope karma slap's you in the face before I do.

Dear karma I have list of people you missed.

Be sure to check out my quiz Twisted!!!!! I am just making a new part to the series. I am not expecting you to just go and read them. But I hope you will because I think you might enjoy it. If I get enough comments, views, and rates I could turn it into a book and publish it at my school shop. I would be so grateful to whoever has supported me. Thank you soooooo much!!

I have a lot more that I like, but I'll just name only some more.

I never run with scissor's. Those last two word's were unnecessary.

Lif e is to short too spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

Checking you're phone to see what time it is, and checking again because the first time you weren't paying attention.

You ever want to grab someone, and say: What the f--- is wrong with you

Don't think to much. You'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place.

If you don't want a sarcastic answer. Don't ask a stupid question.

The one who laugh's last just doesn't understand it.

Teenager's: Tired of being harrased by you're stupid parent's. Act now. Move out, get a job, pay you're own bill's while you still know everything. (Said by mom)

You can't jude my choice's. If you don't know my reason's.

Life Isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain.

That moment when you start talking to youreself, and you start smileing like an idiot. Because you're just so hilarious.

If curiosity killed the cat, what happened to the other 8 lives?

If Facebook didn't exist, people would be writing on walls,working on farms, and poking people.

Food is just food, but chocolate is chocolate!

Y_ __R__N_D_ _T.Care to buy a vowel?
Great quotes!This was awesome!

here are some more

What happens if you get scared half to death twice???

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go

There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn

"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped."

th ats it!
btw i found these online

@musicdino: Crap! I wanted to be the first to comment! Anywho, do you REALLY wanna know what I taped to the ceiling? XD So, here's my favorite-ish quote, even though the one's in this quiz probably beat it: Old people used to poke me at weddings, and say "You're next", so I started doing the same thing to them... at funerals." XD

On question six, I thought really dirty. When it said "everything's loose and flapping around." I didn't see the "L" in "flapping" >.>

Here is my witty comment:

Anthony: "Lets see if guys wanna kick your a** for wearing this costume." Ian: "More like they'd wanna make out with me."

Oh and by the way..... FIRST COMMENT!!! Awesome first episode!

@ Firey_Soul: That's my favorite episode XD I think Ian looks pretty sexy with emo hair.. Just saying XP

P.S I got a wattpad! My username is musicdinosaur (because I'm so creative.)

WAIT!! I GOT EVEN MORE!!the first ones are 'when life gives you lemons' stuff

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS...MAKE YOUR KITTY A HELMET

When life gives you lemons alter their DNA and make super lemons!!!

When life gives you lemons just shut up and eat your damn lemons

When life gives you lemons sell them on ebay.

When life gives you lemons when no one is looking, throw them through lifes window and run away.

here are some normal ones:

Im selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell dont deserve me at my best.

Love is like war easy to start, difficult to finish,and impossible to forget.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the

impersonators would be dead.
"Burritos are sleeping bags for ground beef."

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.

Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

i'll let you guys know when i get some more! ^_^

oh i gots 2 more quotes ^_^

When life gives you lemons, find a kid with a paper cut

When life gives you skittles, throw them at people while screaming "TASTE THE F*****G RAINBOW!"

Those were great quotes Firey_Soul keep these up :^] Please.

AHAHAHAHA XD those are some pretty amazign quotes XD

i think we ALL know this quote:
LIKE A BOSS

if you don't know this quote (which i doubt you don't) then WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WIT YOU?!?

XD

no problem firey_soul! they made me laugh too! ^_^ i'll post some more when i think of some =)

@booknerd224: we have facebook but people do write on walls, work on farms, and poke people! I POKE PEOPLE!! it's fun