The freedom puzzle
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: The freedom puzzle
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This is like the Maze Runner but instead of a maze it is going to be a crossword puzzle. Hidden throughout an electrically fenced-in area there are words that have a number and up or down. They must write these words into the crossword puzzle. Once the puzzle is finished, the walls open up. This story begins when teo sisters wake so there. You CANNOT act as someone else's unless given permission IN SIGHT ON THE THREAD but you ARE allowed to mention them. You must introduce your character with name, age, family, personality, and appearance.
Name: Annabeth Diamond (Starlight1234)
Age: 15
Family: sister-Skylar Diamond (dogsbuddy) parents-unknown (they can't remember)
Personality: caring, loving, kind, generous, tough, intelligent
Appearance- blonde hair, broen eyes, slim, tall
Name- Skylar Diamond
Age-11
Family-sister-Annabeth Diamond (Starlight1234) parents-unknown (they can't remember)
Personality-bitter,nice,sassy, tough, smart, generous, adventurous
Appearance-Blue hair,blue eyes,pale-ish skin, average height, slim -
Anyone wanna join?
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Starlight1234 NewbieMy character is Annabeth... Her description is above, so I don't have to do one. These will be written in the first person (uses I, we, etc.) so you can pretend it is you! Here's my first part!
Annabeth POV
I wake up in a strange place Ive never seen before. I dont remember anything, except for 2 things. The little girl laying a few feet away from me is my younger sister, Skylar. And, I remember a message. It was you must solve the puzzle to exit. Once it is solved, you can exit. The fence surrounding it will be electric, so escape will not be possible. We hope you find your way out soon, but no pressure is intended. The answers are hidden That is all I remember. I wake up on the ground. There is a giant building in the center. On one of the walls there is a giant box with many boxes inside of it. It looks like a crossword puzzle. I see my sister beginning to wake up. She says Annabeth? I say Im here. She crawls over to me and cries. She says where are we? Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? I shrug and say Im not exactly sure. I think we have to solve that giant crossword puzzle. I look around and see a piece of wood planted in the dirt. I get up and walk over to it. There is something carved into it. It says 1 down and across: begin. -
Firstly, take it to the library.
Secondly:
-Your grammar is atrocious. Numerals should only be used if the number is higher than 99. Anytime someone speaks, they need quotations marks and a new line. 'Don't,' 'I've,' and any similar abbreviations need to have a quote where the missing letters are. A colon is also needed before you start your recollection of the message.
-Your prose is s---. Why does every sentence begin with I or she? Why do you not explain what makes the place strange? Why don't you explain what Skylar looks like? Why don't you describe their surroundings? Why don't you explain what the character looks like? Why does everything move so quickly? Why is nothing fully explained or described?
-Why are you using first person narrative if you're not going to take advantage of anything it offers? The entire point of first person narrative is that it allows someone to easily explain the viewpoints and thoughts of a specific character and allow for a focused narrative. Where are Anna's observations? Her mental logic? Her emotions? Her thought process? Anything that would make sense if we were supposed to be thinking like she does? This reads like a third person narrative with the names scratched off.
-Why did you open with 'Annabeth POV?' Not only does that not make sense grammatically, it doesn't make sense logically, or narratively. ( -
narratively. (
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narratively. (Well, that's a bug. Apparently, you can't use a Less Than sign without crashing your post. Sorry for the extra posts.) You can't make something first person and then change the point of view, that ruins the entire point of making it first person. You lose the immersion. Not to mention it's confusing and unnecessary. Finally, if I open a thread and the first words of the story, THE VERY FIRST THING I READ, is 'Annabeth POV,' I'm going to sit here thinking, 'why would she say that? Is she an idiot? Why not just write from Annabeth's point of view? Why does she need to explain to me who's view it is? Is she an idiot?'
-Also, who the hell is Annabeth? Why should I care about here or anything she does? Maybe if I knew what she was thinking or what emotions she was dealing with, I might like her more, but you'd need some kind of first person narrative to put those in easily. Too bad we don't have that. So far, all Annabeth had done is be an a--hole to her sister. Why should I care about her?
-I hate you.
-Alright, I'm done here. Peace. -
Starlight1234 Newbieomfg f u get off this forum
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Starlight1234 NewbieThis is still Annabeth... Anything I write on here is most likely Annabeth
I stand here, looking around. There's a lot of little houses, like they expect more people to show up. I examine our new home. There's mostly grass, and a few trees. And there's a place where there is a hole in the ground, in the shape of a square. I miss home. I have no memory of it, but I miss it. It had to be better than this. Skylar looks around also, with her blue hair glistening in the sun. I never understood why it was blue. Maybe to match her eyes? she was confusing. Soon, we're picking houses. -
IHLAOY is correct. Maybe you should listen. Also your blowing Bubby's thread up and she didn't let you even join yet? Who the f--- is Annabeth? Why would anyone care if you didn't explain anything about her? This made me mad. By the way, this is a thread. Get your f---ing facts straight before you go with your smartass attitude to a very smart user, with excellent grammer and writing skills.
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I am not a godamn bubby!
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Starlight1234 NewbieYou know what? I can't be kicked off this forum and I am on here because the owner id my COUSIN! She's like 3 feet away from me! So mind your own buisness! She's trying to figure out how to do posts through cut and paste on her new tablet, so just myob!
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It's a thread! Not a forum.
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Look mate, I'm just handing out some constructive criticism. If you don't want to listen to it, that's fine, but don't tell me to leave. I was here first, that's not fair. I don't walk into your bell tower and tell you to leave.
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This is star.... AND STFU
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You didn't come to this thread first.
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