alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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yeah, that sounds good, try and get some rest. I get that, but I can still listen :)
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i might not be online when you reach out bc I have to get ready for school, but I'll make sure to see it asap
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I’m sorry I didn’t see this, thanks :)
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I actually hate messy people
Idc if it’s your area and nobody else is living in it or everyone is fine with it, but if I’ve told you to clean up after yourself like 10 times and you still haven’t you’re just selfish atp -
Correcting someone on my pronouns gives me so much anxiety like maybe I’m just a people pleaser but
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Or even worse they hit you with the “I don’t know what pronouns are” (did you not go to first grade) so you have to explain to them the difference between she and he and they
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I shouldn’t be this bad at adapting to my plans changing
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My moods change really fast but it’s all good now
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Like 20 mood changes today
I’m getting a lot of imposter syndrome in literally everything I do
“It’s not proper bedrotting if you’re not depressed so why would you call it that you’re just lazy”
“You’re not a proper artist if everything you make looks like s--- you don’t even copy well”
“Well you’re not actually hyperfixated if it doesn’t consume your thoughts”
“You’re probably not even neurodivergent you just want attention and look you don’t have this one symptom of OCD”
Shut up shut up shut up -
Overthinking final boss
I can’t get my emotions in check I can’t feel anything that’s not amplified 100 times -
Now I know why I was so messed up yesterday, I forgot to take my meds ugh
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I’ll do some painting to keep the thoughts at bay
Hopefully I don’t feel sick like I did last time I forgot to take them -
I’m debating whether or not to go back to taekwondo today.
I quit last year because it was too much and some girls were being mean to me and I didn’t have any friends in it besides her and my sister. My sister has gone back and since it’s school holidays rn it would just be a fun lesson today, and she wants me to go back just for today to play dodgeball or something
But I really don’t want to face the girls (one of them quit a bit after I did, but one of them is still there) or the older kids after disappearing off the face of the earth -
I’m not going to go back when the actual lessons are on, just because I’d get burnt out with the theatre, music and sport combined. It could just be for today, but I know that if I go back and it goes wrong it’ll be weighing on me for days
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It was actually kind of okay
I’m not out to anyone there which is part of why I’m not going back. It will take forever for people to start knowing me as Alexi, even worse for pronoun s---, and in my other extracurriculars everyone knows so it will take a lot of time to get used to being called my deadname again
I hate feeling gross and sweaty too and not being able to wash my hands so when I’m tired it’ll be a nightmare, another reason I’m probably not actually going back
But the girl I was worried about was actually really nice so it wasn’t all bad. I’m an okay fighter, if I stayed for another two terms I’d be a black belt, so it’s not like I’m quitting because I’m bad
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