alexithymia
Thread Topic: alexithymia
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so im friends with seventh graders now?
these kids in my grade were harassing them in the area that me and my pookie sit so i was like "hey thats not cool piss off" and just matched their energy until they went away
some of the harassers' friends threw bark at us so my bag has dirt s--- on it now but at least i have cool seventh graders as friends now -
This close to crashing out on some asshat boys istg
I stay up at night thinking how I accidentally talked louder than I was supposed to during class. How do you sleep at night knowing you threw bark and DIY water balloons at a random seventh grader -
If it happens again we’ll move where we sit. The only reason we’re not moving tomorrow is because a teacher is gonna come and supervise to make sure they don’t come back
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Like genuinely it’s not that hard not to be a piece of s--- I don’t get it
I like to pretend that homophobes and a--holes don’t exist, but I hate when they show up in my life without permission like no thanks -
I’m in my hating people era
I want to take tomorrow off so bad but I have band -
I don’t get life. I don’t get humanity. I hate being human
No bc I’ll get judged, beat up, catcalled, hate crimed, just because of the way I’ll dress. If I dress anything remotely different to “the norm”, I’m all of a sudden “weird”. Why did humans think politics was a good idea to make things work, like royalty and politics and some kind of hierarchy have always been around, but why? Why is that the norm? Why is that a good way to sort things out?
And jobs are so f---ing weird. Why do I have to get an education and a job and work my ass off when by the time I grow up, I’ll be barely able to afford rent, probably won’t even get to own a house. Why?? Just because some guy said “hey paper and metal are the currency of the world now” ??? Or is it that we can’t cope with the fact we’re all worthless creatures with no purpose, so we have to create a purpose, which is literally just to make ends meet and pay the rich more than what we earn
And why are people so hateful? Why is how I look a thing to be mad about? Homosexuality exists in all species, why are you mad that I like a girl and not a guy when it’s not my fault and it’s perfectly natural?
Why is religion so damn important. I don’t believe in your stupid god. You can believe in your god, I don’t care about your god. I couldn’t care less, I don’t care if he loves me, stop telling me I’m sinning simply for existing
And politics again. Some GUY gets power over an entire country. Why??? What is the point?? I don’t trust a random person to govern a million square meters of land. It doesn’t matter it just doesn’t matter it shouldn’t matter why does one man get limitless power over a place
And people are so mean. In the end, my feelings don’t matter. It won’t change anything, they can be mean and the world will keep spinning, life will go on, existence will continue existing. They can be mean to me and throw tree bark and smack people and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I die, it doesn’t affect anyone, but we as humans are so f---ing self centred. You shouldn’t care if I die. We’ll all die. It doesn’t matter in the end because everything I do in life, no matter how good or bad, won’t stop me from dying one day. Like my life is not vital in the continuation of the universe, who cares if it’s wasted by scrolling on my phone???
And I’m so sensitive, being mean isn’t right and being hateful isn’t right it’s wrong and it’s horrible, but in the end, why does it matter? Why does it matter what I’m wearing? Why does it matter who’s in charge? Why does it matter who the hell created the universe? Why do we need to try and create things like politics and hierarchies and religion. Gender is a concept, the only difference between man and woman is reproduction systems. Why must we create differences between the two, why must we create rules and customs for EVERYTHING. I don’t care if my table manners are bad I don’t care if I’m not allowed to wear pants I don’t care if I should get married one day, the world will keep spinning
It doesn’t matter if someone is mean to me, in the end it will just be something people look back on and go “huh that happened. anyway” because NOBODY CARES and we shouldn’t have to care but we have to and it’s so exhausting -
we filed incident reports against the boys and they got caught. good thing they threw a water balloon at us this break so we have proof, so will let you guys know what the teachers say
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“You’re so quiet today” you smacked me over the head and said something that triggered me of course I’m quiet
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I need to find another way of getting validation without having to tell people “hey can you like tell me I’m doing great please”
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I just need to know that I don’t deserve being bullied and I’m actually an okay person but atp the people who’ve harassed me outnumber the people who actually care about me so who do I even go to for all this
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I’m so tired from doing nothing all day
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Maybe I’m faking it
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