i hope i was your favorite crime.
- Locked due to inactivity on Oct 14, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: i hope i was your favorite crime.
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but i say that i hate u with a smile on my face.
so i'm depressed. to say the least. i'm have rlly bad anxiety and get scared at the littlest thing or thought, to the point where i basically ban myself from doing anything. almost committed once, but an online friend of mine forced me to open up to my parents, which i rlly regret, since now they always think somethings wrong at the littlest thing, or they don't realize when something actually wrong or say something to basically make me have a mental breakdown in the bathroom alone. I'm also getting seriously detached from reality, in a way. i mean, i never really fully understood it, but the little i understood it suddenly just vanished, and now the intrusive thoughts in my head are using it to whip me in the back of the head. like i legit feel trapped in my body and i feel like none of its real.
like, what if its all a simulation, and we're just being controlled? what if everyone robots? who created numbers, and decided they would be like that, in that order? how do our bodies work like that? like how does the heart pump all the blood everywhere and s---? how are our brains able to like, do what they do? like remember so much, and just function properly?
but anyways, my insomnia and body dysmorphia is also getting rlly bad. like, i haven't slept a solid six hours every night for the past few nights, and i literally can't look at myself in the mirror from the side bc i might just cry.
i just hate it.
i hate myself.
i'm honestly so worthless. i'm a burden to my friends and family, i'm lazy with school work. i'm an attention whore. i mask my emotions and lie abt how i am, but then sometimes i just trauma dump without any warning. i'm just snappy and rude, and really insecure so i can't take a compliment. i always say i'm good, when i'm always not.
you don't have to read any further, but that's pretty much my mental health bckround. -
Hey, you are absolutely NOT worthless. From what I've seen, you're a really lovely and kind person and I hope you feel better soon *hugs*
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aw ty u^u *hugs*
this weekend was pretty bad, but it got better tonight bc i was with a group of people with whom i feel rlly love.
but it is kinda depressing bc my crush is there and he either doesn't like me or is dating someone. :') -
today like, couldn't of gone worse.
well, it could've but it was still pretty bad.
first, i embarrassed myself in front of my friend. then, school was terrible. my math teacher is just horrendous. she's mean. she basically called me an idiot in front of the class today. history was actually pretty good, the other girl who i don't like wasn't there so it was fun. then we got yelled at for "being loud" at lunch and "making a mess" at lunch when it wasn't us, IT WAS THE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS, IT ALWAYS f---ING IS. but then we got to skip a test, our latin teacher wasn't there, so we just kinda did stuff on our own. then i was with the math teacher again, but since the one other girl in my class wasn't there it was just me and her. it went fine, she actually didn't call me any names, and it went pretty smoothly. but then we stayed a little later afterwards, and then my sister had to go to an orthodontist appointment, and we were gonna be late, and my mom couldn't drop us off at home so we had to wait through it. UGH THIS IS SO STUPIDD -
to the first post- NO YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS, YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND DESERVE ALL THE F—KING LOVE AND AFFECTION IN THE WORLD :’))
*slams love and appreciation onto you ❤💕💗💖❤*
to the second post- you’re gonna have days like this, and I know they can be tough, but you gotta pog thru the pain, mate. I believe in you, don’t let anyone break you down, you’re an amazing person u^u ❤❤ -
awee kriss ilysm <333
i'm not crying u r -
nuu don’t cry, bestie :’)
*gibs more love and appreciation 💗💕❤* -
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THAT IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD -
:')
ur too nice man- -
Hey. You are not useless
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ty :')
todays been stressful.
i had school, and a big test coming up on Thursday which imma procrastinate until the last second to study for, which probably means staying up all night. then i went to go get fitted for contacts, which there i got called an idiot (not directly, but pretty much), and i cried trying to put them in at home. (got sent home bc i couldn't take them out right and the doctor was pretty much fed up with me at that point) uhhhhh then i lost motivation to even just watch the Halloween stream (i had friends over- *hold gun to head*) and just ended up scrolling through tiktok and got bored of that. also started crying when ranboo started streaming saying it was the last ranboo day in the uk- (beeduo meetup was basically the single supporting beam in my crumbling mental house home and now ranboob is leaving so idfk what to do w/ myself) then had to leave the stream bc tubbo started getting angry over anti-vaxxers, and it kinda triggered me and got me rlly anxious. it also got rlly windy where i live and its gotten rlly dark and rainy, but the wind scares me bc one time in a storm a few years back a tree fell and it took out the electrical wires with it, and it started an electrical fire in the middle of the road. so I've basically been keeping my headphones on the majority of the day i can. -
:’) sorry your day’s been pretty sh-t, bestie
i hope things go better for you <33
also, WHY MUST RANBOOB LEAVE TUBBO??? WHHHYYYYY?????? T^T -
me too :')
AND IKRRRRR-
i think tubbos gonna go to vidcon with him
i hope so :') -
s a m e :’)
i’m pretty sure he is going to vidcon so maybe more beeduo content?? :’))
lol -
hopefully
he better go bck to the uk again after
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