My venting thread
- Locked due to inactivity on Apr 29, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: My venting thread
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Might also post some thoughts running through my head.
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I haven't seen him in years. We we're really close bit then his dad took a job in Alaska. Sometimes I wonder if we'd still be friends if we saw each other again. I wonder how much he's changed too.
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I won another competition today. I'm tired of winning at everything and being good at everything I do, usually even the best. There's no point in doing anything if you already know what the outcome will be. And I feel like I'm constantly bragging every time I do a competition or something like that, going, "Oh see I'm the absolute best at anything and all of you are nothing." I feel like that's what I'm doing and I don't like it.
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Maybe another part of it is because I don't really complain about my problems or what I'm going through. But I see a bunch of other people's problems, and I'm living the dream compared to them, what right do I have to complain?
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Whenever there's a really bad problem that one of my friends is dealing with, for some reason I can't think of what to say or do to help them. Other people are pouring out solutions and I can't even bring myself to even repeat what everyone else is saying. It makes me feel awful that I can't help them. I don't even know what the reason is. I'm giving advice all day, and then when someone has this super bad problem, I just can't do it.
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It's like nothing can compute while it's going on. Even if it's not related to the person's problem.
And it's both online and irl -
My new school is so strange compared to my old one. At my old school, I had to be like, 'You have to act like you own everything otherwise everyone will treat you like nothing.' And now all of that has to be thrown out the window, otherwise I might hurt somebody.
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Life is turning for the better and I have absolutely no idea how to handle it.
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Is it weird that I feel so welcomed and yet so isolated?
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I feel like my mindset is just making this worse. Maybe if I just forget about how things were compared to how they are now I wouldn't be I'm the study talking about this stuff.
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I guess I'm just angry at myself. I've been working there for two months and I can't even remember how much sauce goes with a rack of ribs. The manager is being really patient with me, and his explanation makes sense.
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I get angry when I'm the best, then I'm angry at myself when I'm awful at something.
I hate always being great at everything. Ever since 5th grade. I was getting my ribbons from the science and arts fair the week before. I turned around and there were seventeen faces gawking at me in awe because I had gotten seven blue ribbons and the purple roset that you get for getting the highest score and winning the most contests within the fair. -
But now it's something I want to be good at and I'm just not.
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I can't stand having doors, drawers, and sometimes even windows open. I don't know why. Whenever I see an open door I just have to close it, unless someone's coming through it, of course. Sometimes I can't even have the laptop open while I'm doing something on paper but I need the laptop still. The only doors I can handle are the front door, if the screen door is closed, bathroom doors, and the toaster oven door. I'm usually okay with windows, but sometimes, I don't know. For some reason I have to have everything closed and I don't know why.
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I can hear my mom talking about me to my dad again. I hard it when she does that. Just say it to my face, I'll be fine.
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