a thought about manners
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: a thought about manners
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Earlier, I told a friend of mine, I probably wouldn't like her children because I find impoliteness distasteful.
She argued first, that I am the rude one, and when I offered that her perception of my manners is dictated by false understanding of politeness, she argued then that she understands perfectly well that manners are rules made by society so you don't offend people.
Hmmm...rules made by society, so as not to offend people...well ok. Ill ignore the fact that you can't please everyone, or even the rulimg majority of everyone. I'll ignore the clumsy assumption that either people consciously engineer rules, or that society is not a collection of people.
The point at which this statement really fails bad is in focusing on the deeds, and not the effect.
Why do you fold your napkin three inches inward after wiping your mouth? What effect does that have on others? It doesn't gross them out. What if you didn't? Would they be immediately offended? No. They would be grossed out. Why do you keep your elbows off the table? Because you dont want to bump people. Is it ok when there's plenty of room? Yes.
What is civilization? Civilization is the cooperative effort of groups in order to form a stable situation which is more conductive to mutual benefit than the previous situation. So when it comes to manners, examine not the rule but the effect of that rule on others, so we in order to be polite, you have to come up with a standard for examination.
Incidentally, politeness is the line where you're rights as mandated by the goal of civilization end, and a others begins.
Manners examine physical and physiological reactions to a situation and adjust your behaviour for mutual comfort. Its not about society, its about civil economy.
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