I hate how f---ing dysfunctional my brain is.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:28pm
Thread Topic: I hate how f---ing dysfunctional my brain is.
-
You all know how I will talk about nothing but communism? It's because it's the only goddamn thing I can think about that sounds normal.
I sometimes have very narrow interests that I can't stop thinking about even if I want to. Right now, it's not communism. I can stop thinking about communism and talking about it without having some sort of withdrawal.
No, right now it's Wales. I can't stop thinking about Wales. Wales Wales Welsh Wales every f---ing minute. It wouldn't be a good idea to go around saying things about magical flying Welshmen, so I don't.
Why magical flying Welshmen? It sounds good. It has nothing to do with actual magic or actual flight or actual Welshmen. I just like the sound of the words.
And just that word "Welsh" is so f---ing great, I don't even know why. I have no connection with Wales, save for some miniscule amount of Welsh ancestry. I really don't know much about Wales. But I just can't stop thinking about it because it's there and it's not going away.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WALES I SWEAR TO GOD. It's just the sound of the word and the concept.
It sounds ridiculous but it's real I swear to God or Karl Marx or whoever.
So I talk about communism. Why communism? It's something else that I think about whenever I have to stop thinking about Wales. It used to be I couldn't stop thinking about the single subject for any reason, for up to a year. I would literally think about nothing but Sparta for two years this one time. It's like I get some sort of high from thinking about a subject, but the addiction is nonstop and there's no rehab for this type of addiction.
I don't think about what the subject really means, or it's social connotation, or anything. Just the subject itself. I could see the word in a certain font and it would become infinite time better for no goddamn reason at all except for that my brain is f---ed up.
Communism is somewhere on the line between being a normal interest and this abomination that my brain does. I can pretend pretty well that it's a normal interest, because for the most part it is. I know what it means to be a communist. I'm a communist. I can control myself for the most part and not run around screaming "f--- YEAH COMMUNISM." But it's a strong interest. When I need to think about something besides Wales, I think about communism. I like the sound of the word "communism" but don't usually sit for hours mulling over the phonetics and spelling.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that communism is my substitute for saying stupid things about Welsh corgis with bats Gwyneth house or whatever sounds good at the moment.
I'm going to rant more, but GTQ has a limit so I have to break this up. -
I have to be honest, that doesn't sound so weird to me. I'm kind of similar in a way, especially regarding my current "turtle" obsession. Most of my life I haven't been obsessed or all that interested in turtles, but the word is just so fun to say. It becomes a running theme I can go with and use, and I don't know why but it's vaguely entertaining to me.
Other than that, my mind basically overthinks everything and worries too much. It scares me sometimes. I can't shut it off unless I throw myself into something calming like my beliefs, which I basically just did for the past twenty minutes.
I don't think there's anything wrong with what you're saying, though. At least to me. Communism and Welshness are much better things to be obsessed with than say pop culture or gossip and a bunch of other garbage that is considered "normal" to people. -
Now that I've done talking about these damn obsessions, that's only a small part of it.
I have a lot of trouble coming up with coherent thoughts. Not just because my mind is a clusterf--- (here's a good example) but because I don't know what sounds good to other people.
"Gwyneth ha going to Communist yogurt Worgen wolfen-howl Arugal frozen Dogma place" makes perfect sense to me. That's the type of thing I usually think. I have to think to not type like that. What that above sentence actually was
"I went to the frozen yogurt place."
"Gwyneth" is one of my favorite names, so it refers to myself. Grammar doesn't really exist in these sentences, there's not much of a past tense. "Communist" "Worgen" "Arugal" "Dogma" are things I thought about while at the yogurt place or while going there. Random words will also appear "wolfen-howl" for example.
It's because I think in a mixture of pictures and words. I literally have to translate this s---.
That's about it for thinking, anyway. Want me to talk about physical bulls--- next? -
Why thank you.
I know it sounds blunt for me to just say "Thank you" and leave, but I don't know what to say. What I consider deep and affectionate is probably bulls--- to anyone else or someone who hasn't known me for years.
I'd say "tritanope" or something.
Also, to anyone else, I have a professional diagnosis of Asperger's or high-functioning autism. I'm doubting the "high-functioning" part.
It really pisses me off when some hipster says "Oh, I didn't get the joke, must have Asperger's lol" NO YOU f---ING DO NOT. (They don't, I've bit my tongue and politely asked them.) -
That looks like fun, actually. :3 I don't really know what to say to it, but I think it's cool. Besides, everyone perceives things differently than others, so there really is no right or wrong way to think.
And I don't think that's blunt. Don't worry. -
I'm sorry, I don't have anything helpful to say. But I love you and if I knew what to say I would.
-
Okay, physical s---! As if the way I thought wasn't confusing enough.
I have horrible bad habits. The term is "stimming" or "stereotyped movements" but I hate using technical terms to refer to myself. I feel like some undiscovered species when I do that.
What this is is I basically rock back and forth for no reason at all. Not calmly like in a rocking chair, I mean I literally THRUST forward like I'm possessed by a demon. Over and over. Like this.
I also pick hair out of my scalp. This is hard and I often have my hands up on my scalp. I have a bald spot on the top of my head because of this.
Things that are not habits.
I have really good hearing and this is bad. I can hear chewing across a room. And it literally hurts to the point that I will cry in public. It's like if every time you wanted to eat with your family, someone played this on full volume with earbuds all the time. It's not actually that loud, but it hurts like that.
I also can't look up on sunny days because the sun is too bright. I can't see in it. So I'm always looking down and constantly get asked if I'm okay.
I'm so ticklish that if you rest your hand on a spot, it tickles and it's unbearable. -
And social things. This will take a while.
I can't tell if someone is joking or not, or using any form of non-literal language for that matter.
Here's a metaphorical example. You can't tell the difference between green and red. At all. They look exactly the same.
Now someone says something that can either mean "I like you" or "I dislike you." If they said "I like you," they hold up the green sign. If they said "I dislike you," they hold up the red sign.
Most people can tell the difference, but you can't. So you guess. Guess right? Good for you.
Guess wrong? PUNCH IN THE FACE!
I can't read facial expressions. I can't tell how you're feeling at all unless you state it. I may seem out of it and that why.
As far as showing my own feelings, forget about it. I can do it, but only unintentionally and when that happens, it's like being so hammered-and-sickled you can only laugh.
I can't get connotations right. I know what the color red is. I don't usually use it as a meaning of passion or Communists or anything, it's just a long-wavelength color.
Basically, I'm really gullible and take everything literally.
Everything that makes social interaction what it is? Unspoken rules, cues, jokes? Don't understand them.
Things that come naturally? Not for me! I have to consciously do everything.
I'll give a great example in the next post.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
