I wanted to kill myself today...
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:18pm
Thread Topic: I wanted to kill myself today...
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What you need to understand is that hurting ones self is an addiction. One that I used to follow.
But today, I sat around a table with my friends, playing our nerdy games and eating pizza, and I felt the old urge kick in.
It was different though. I didn't want to simply make myself bleed. I didn't want to leave a shallow line across my shoulder or calf like I used to. I wanted to feel the blade bite in. I felt in my back pocket for my wallet. I keep the blade in there.
I wanted to either press it into my fore arm or my leg. I wanted to find the largest artery I could and push the blade in. Lifting up one side so a corner bit down into my flesh. I wanted to keep pushing, feeling the hot surge of disruption blanket my entire body. I wanted to watch as the skin parted, and the blood boiled up around my fingertips. To feel the cool steel under my skin.
I wanted to watch as it pooled on the floor around me, soaking my jeans as I sat on the ground and waited for the dizziness to cause me to fall. To smell the faint tang of rust in the air as the iron in my blood soaked back into my nostrils.
I wanted to kill myself today. And even now as I think back on it, it doesn't scare me. -
The sensation churning in my stomach was almost palatable. My head hurt a little and my entire body itched.
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e.e Dude, no. Absolutely not. Don't do that.
I understand you have the urges, but please, don't throw your life away. I know we have different views on life, and I'm not forcing mine on you. But I'm telling you as a friend, dude, I really really don't want you to get hurt. -
I have no intention of it.
What I felt was a strong emotion. A toxic aroma of the senses. I felt nervous...
...and it's good to feel something for a change.
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