The Restricted Zone
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 15, '24 3:54am
Thread Topic: The Restricted Zone
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People are always doing cool things and if I'm not at work, I'm at home in the dark because of this, that, and the other reason I don't feel like explaining.
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And I get sick of the sympathy. Is that weird? Is something wrong with me? It's not because people care. It's because I get tired of hearing the same words. But more than that, I'm tired of all the pity that I can't even handle. I don't want pity. It's hard to explain. I just want to be able to hug someone and talk to them, and I want things to get better, but then I don't even know how to handle the thought of even being around someone in this state.
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If I fall apart in front of someone, they say it's for attention. If I hide myself while I fall apart, they say I'm being a bad friend and abandoning them.
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And this is why I don't make friends. If I find people I like, I can only interact when I'm in a somewhat okay mood, which is rarely the case, because if I start to feel okay, I start to feel suspicious, and it's only a matter of time before I fall apart.
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I overthink when I try to make friends but don't compensate enough when I start to get comfortable, because then I become a burden.
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Guess I've made no progress after all.
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Sometimes I wish I could discard myself so nobody has to know I exist.
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I want to talk to him, but it's too late. And I don't want to bother him.
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Stupid piece of trash... I just bother people...
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If I were at work right now, I wouldn't have time to think about this, maybe...
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I feel like sometimes I just need reassurance when my brain is telling me a bunch of things at once, but I should be able to know for myself, and yet it feels like I don't.
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I hate being alive.
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Groomers don't die fast enough...
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This planet is stupid.
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It was a crisis, I thought in my head. I couldn't wake up. Each time i did, it was just another dream.
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