mac n sneeze
- Locked due to inactivity on Apr 1, '24 3:54am
Thread Topic: mac n sneeze
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ill come back on the new years
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im gonna cry. i haven’t spoken to anyone in so long
now it just feels like im not me
just bland. no personality because i had nowhere to put it
i know i put this on myself somehow
i just wish i knew how to fix it because this hurts so bad. i regret everything ive done leading up to this because this is agonizing at times and at other times im fine with it because i can talk to myself
i want to talk to someone and i want to have a genuine conversation but i can’t. i want to comfort people and i want to feel like im doing something outside of wake and sleep
i don’t want to die but at the same time i do because a better place than this world would be unfathomable. too good to be true
i need to stop distracting myself and start taking a break from all these distractions so i can be alone with myself for a while and learn to cope with it.
2023 was not a good year
i don’t think 2024 will be either honestly but we’ll see -
actually scratch that. 2023 wasn’t even a year. it was literally like 4 months lol
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i have too much time, too many things to do in that time, but i choose not to do it and end up stressing myself out
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i need to fix my sleep schedule so im not getting blamed for these things. todays the last day she’ll be over tho which will be amazing
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i will miss her a lot but she consumes more time than we can handle
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i think she’ll be over every once a week anyway so it’s alright
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ive been getting better with my music tho, i can post some snippets but at the same time i don’t rlly want to ngl
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i love everyone but i always feel so hated and i can never understand why. i think it’s important to realize that in one area someone doesn’t like, you can try to fix it, but there’ll always be another area that someone doesn’t like
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that brings jesus to mind. he was perfect but the pharisees and unbelievers despised him
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i wonder why tho. why crucify him when he never did any wrong to you? or spread hate on him when he never did anything remotely harmful
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i haven’t spoken to God in like. almost two weeks
i really should speak to him but it feels like he never talks to me
i know he doesn’t talk in ways that someone would expect or want pronto, and he has spoken to me, and i know he has. but for some reason i still doubt it sometimes even tho i do my best to shove it away. and sometimes i doubt if he’s even real and i do my best to shove that away too because i know he is so im not sure why im having these thoughts -
man i really wish i had christian friends. it’s so hard to find christians
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im turning a new leaf in 2024
i haven’t insulted nor thought badly about anyone in a while which is a huge improvement from 2021 and beginning of 2022 when i would always think badly about others and myself. however im going to start thinking of one compliment for each person. even if im not too fond of them -
not just starting in the new year of course.
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