Occasional Nightly ramblings from a sleep deprived egg
- Locked due to inactivity on May 3, '24 3:54am
Thread Topic: Occasional Nightly ramblings from a sleep deprived egg
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I tend to be a little more active at night like a rodent teehee
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Oop, accidentally made 2 threads, RIP
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I hate the thought of the future so much. The future is great for change, and I'll admit I need some change in my life, but I don't like the thought of being an adult. Freedom will be fun, but all the suffering I know I'll have to go through with my only friends being behind a screen, it's not great. It makes me feel unmeasurable dread. I feel like the future is always speeding in to hit me like a train. Everything appears at the worst time and it makes me lose hope. I'm starting to feel like no matter what I do it won't matter. Will I always feel this hopeless and dreadful? Would it be better to end all this uncertainty at graduation?
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Sometimes I wonder how easy it would be to just let myself fall to ruin. Most of the methods I imagine are slow and the true bliss comes near the end. My favorite to imagine is drowning. I'm not serious about these ideas, it hasn't gotten to the point where I've done anything drastic but I just think about it a lot. I write and rewrite the letters in my head. I imagine how life would go on the same without me. It shows how insignificant I truly am. Sometimes I fantasize about my letters becoming an inspiration for sadness and a need to change. I also imagine people calling me a stupid dead girl who only wanted attention. Maybe I just do just want attention. The world where everything is the same without me hurts most and I know it would be true because I am worthless
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Neither my hatred for the future or my dark dark thoughts end after I go to sleep. They plague my days
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Gosh that went from 0 to 100 real quick, sorry about that
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The future is quite unpredictable.
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Yeah, I know that's the point it just still feels really soul crushing
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True. But that's what makes life more interesting
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It's good you can get that much out of the future
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Well, personally i feel the future is best left unknown. If everyone knew the future, things would be really bad. I just believe in doing our best to try to path our future and let fate decide. There's nothing to be afraid about, really. Time is an illusion anyway.
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The problem is that I do run on time. After I get out of highschool I have to force myself to act of I'm like that kid watching the building slowly falling on him in the superhero movie, but in that situation there's no iron man to save me
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Eggyways I gotta go to bed, goodnight!
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Oops i'm not good with wording things
For example, i'm a football trainee, looking to work and play in england. I and my family live in France, and at that time, my father disaproved of it.
The future could take two turns:
1. I go anyway, and eventually achieve my dreams. Unknown to me, the future has me failing, and living off the streets of england, untill years after, i succede as a coach in an unknown club in Spain, away from family and friends, earning a very low pay.
2. I decide not to go, but get recognised by local people who lauch me into world fame, becoming the most richest person, having,everything at my disposal, but unknown to me in the future, i go through a crisis, which seperates me from my family, and a,health condition which affects me on the long term, ending my career but being remembered as the greatest of all time.
If i knew these paths to my future, i would never have made a decision, but that's just how the future works. -
Goodnight Eggaly!
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