Oh what a handsome gift, to live in a land of sin
- Locked due to inactivity on May 2, '23 3:54am
Thread Topic: Oh what a handsome gift, to live in a land of sin
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nothing. i wish i was closer. i wish i was there
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supple flower
bigger than the rest
sweeter than the best
springtime dewdrops
glistening on your surface
only accentuating
your glimmering beauty
when your petals
begin to fall and wither
i promise I'll be there -
i could make you a celebrity overnight
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hey guys so im not doing good
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hi alexa
what's going on -
i feel so alone and like nobody supports me during my transition. There are people who do, and I'm very grateful, but they're either online or far. Nobody respects my decision to identify as a woman and they treat me like a plague. Some delusional person. All this acceptance and allegiance and all that but i feel so.. unappreciated. and anyone that does appreciate me, i just push them away. until they dont anymore
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I'm really sorry
I wish I could help with that
all I can really do is say I love and support you -
im so sorry i didn't see this. thank you.
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morning!
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today was good :)
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good sandwiches holy hell
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just got into an argument. it was over something stupid but they came and kind of apologized? never said it directly but they were apologetic. im gonna try and make another thread with nothing but good vibes, so for now let's get out some nasty ones. anyone at home, you can do the same here. let out anything you need to and we can make way for the good stuff :)
go crazy -
just f--- you. leave me alone, stay out of my dreams, why didn't you switch schools? i realized that after all that, a bunch of people told me their truths about you. even your friends. that you changed and that you're a cold b---- now. some also said that they saw it coming and they knew you were bad. of course these could just be things to make me feel better, but they have come across in many conversations with many scenarios. i can't believe that you did that to me, let alone blame me and try to turn the tables. but I didn't sit idly by. i worked on myself and looked inward to begin asking myself the big questions. who am i? and what do i want? i am alexandra. i want to be heard and seen, and I want people to know the truth. at any chance I can, I tell them the truth. About you, about me, about the sky, about the birds, I tell them my truth.
The other day I had a dream. me and a mutual friend were just talking. and then you came, and i got a little scared but you talked to both of us. you talked to me as a person, and i just joined right in. it was fine until i woke up and thought about the dream. you had actually talked to me as a person and looked at me without disgust or refrain. i cried, because of what was lost. you. us. we both let go of it. yet you pushed me away, then shot me with a gun. and neither of us can undo that
now, I'm done talking about that. id rather talk about something else
like you. why are you so great? you give me no reasons to hate you or your decisions, you respect me and my boundaries. you constantly encourage me to better myself and do your best to be a great friend. i wish i didn't feel this way, because that would be easier. perhaps the struggle will make the result better? although i may just f--- up the result. you want me to wait, and logically i agree. but emotionally, i hate that. how long do you want me to wait? i already waited for someone, and they used me. i know you wouldn't, not intentionally. but you seem to be keeping me at a distance while beckoning me near. it's torture. i get so happy when you text, but that's all we do. text. and you're so busy, and healthy. barely on your phone. i just wish that we could hang out, like we used to. before i messed it all up. i want to be someone reliable and understanding and desirable and trustworthy. but can i be that if i dont see myself as that? how badly did she hurt me? it doesn't matter. i can and will get better, and im lucky enough to have people like you to be there for me.
i really miss you. we never talk anymore, anytime i message you leave me on opened. i think about you a lot, i hope you're doing okay. nothing ever goes the way we plan, eh? i really wish i could give you a hug, i know you need one. take care of yourself okay?
you. f--- you. how dare you try to blame that on me? you knew damn well and i did my best to prepare for you. i did my absolute best to protect you and yet you blame me? after all that you only wanted one thing and thats clear. you didnt care about me, none of you do. use me and then hate me, hat and dime routine.
if you were telling the truth then I wouldn't have to block you. we would be able to talk and work things out but that's never an option. you, and her, and her, and him. you're all the same, my opinion or well being doesn't matter unless it gets you off. f--- you and you and you and you. especially you. i hope karma gets off it's lazy ass and does something about those egos. why do you pretend to love me, appreciate me, understand me? just tell me that that's all you want and that's fine. but stop f---ing playing me like a goddamn nintendo game, because I'm not link. I'm not a video game character and I am both smarter and more cunning than you. all any of you do is manipulate and use people, because you're weak and can't do anything yourself. you can't face some central aspect of yourself. like abuse issues, SA issues, r*** issues. instead you turned me into a victim of those and used me as nothing but a toy. you broke me so much that i can't tell unless i look closely. like a mirror turned to shiny dust. yet I am not beyond redemption. i will get better and heal, and how f---ing dare you say you could "try to fix me" as if i was a lego piece that came off of your build. i do not need to be fixed, and your broken ass couldn't do anything but f--- me up worse. which you did. congratulations.
but i will stand tall. i will prevail. and your ignorance will cost you greatly. i used to be sympathize with you, but you showed me that i shouldn't. you're as self centered and full of s--- as your mother. i don't need either of you. i am strong -
damn you if you try to deny it. you violated me. i said no and you kept going. f--- you
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