Welcome to Antilia.
- Locked by breadgirl69 on Mar 24, '23 5:18amReason: Request
Thread Topic: Welcome to Antilia.
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Like, if you're genuinely curious, but not coming at Jacob, you might want to consider your replies.
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BTS caught me with "Fake Love". I fell in love with that song when I first heard it. It's quite relatable. All my life, I've had to mold myself into a lie for my family. And they knew it was a lie, but they were in denial. They saw how I acted as myself, and told me they didn't like it. They told me not to be this way. "You should do this because of your sex." "You should like this because we do." "You should do that because we'd rather you do this than the thing you actually like." Whenever I acted myself, they would ask what got into me and punish me for it. If I wanted to draw anime instead of animals (which, I started out drawing animals and was better at anime), they'd fuss at me and be like, "Why are you drawing that? Why don't you draw some animals?"
Molded myself into a lie because I was tired of being criticized and beat up. By the time I was 16, I realized I didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't separate my likes from the things other people wanted me to like. What I did verses what I was... And now that I've started to rediscover and explore these parts of my life, they hate me just as they did in the beginning. They always claimed they loved me, but, they wouldn't show it unless I did and was everything they wanted me to do and be. It felt like fake love. I only wanted their approval. I've come to terms with the fact that I may never receive their approval. And I still heavily lie under their criticism because they don't like the school I'm going to and the fact that it has LGBTQ+ students, knowing that I am one myself, but still being in denial; they don't like the cousins I hang out with (on the rare occasion that we actually hang out); they don't approve of my career choice because my mom expected me to be a baby doctor but I'd rather do graphic design, which could extend to digital design for games, anime, and book illustrations; they don't like that I'm not willing to move back in with them since they refuse to allow me to live in a hospitable environment; they don't like that I'm trying to get a diagnoses because something is clearly hindering me from understanding mathematical concepts; they don't like my fiance because he's a guy and he's Canadian and they assume he's a transgender male, not having even spoken to him or memorized his name...
My parents are impossible to please, but they swear they love me.............................................................. -
I'm too hungry. I need a snack...
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This will be anything but fun....
Thank you, Word Pad, for being a useless pain in the butt... -
But, I actually don't even want to be here. A single thought led me to bitter rage...
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I keep a record of the wreckage in my life
I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind -
Hopefully we'll get to talk again, tonight. It helped me get to sleep, even though my rest was not quite restful...
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My head hurts...
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f---. I thought I heard her car. Man, I don't really want to be bothered with this, right now...
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Shall we hide in the bathroom for a bit?
Yeah. We'll do that... -
I'll go eat, now.
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Nice to know I'm not the only adult obsessed with Miraculous...
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I hate this...
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Who is that guy?
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We'll never finish the lesson. Everyone keeps interrupting. Just turn your mic off. You're not even answering the questions.
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