Cats17's thread
- Locked by axelbeans on Dec 5, '20 11:42amReason: request =^-^=
Thread Topic: Cats17's thread
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convo with jill starts there -
Friends are allowed to be disappointed by your behavior. That doesn't mean they're abandoning you. Please learn how to communicate with others without posting about them like this. This vague posting isn't healthy. It's mean. I'm a girl, for one, and two, I never said you couldn't vent. But venting about your own friends like this is just wrong, Cats. You haven't even tried to talk to Eclipse. You're just sitting here saying bad things about her and acting like she isn't a good friend when she is. :/
I am so tired of you behaving like this. I don't want you to grow up thinking that this is OKAY. I don't want to leave until I know you actually listened and learned something for once, rather than just shrugging everyone's advice off. This isn't about rules. I'm not talking to you as a moderator. I'm talking to you as someone who wants to see you grow in a healthy way. Then see me as a moderator, for all I care. But I'm a moderator who wants to help you learn to channel your emotions in a healthy way. No, I don't.
Road uses they/them pronouns. We aren't here to spoil your fun.
I can do my best to explain why the situation that unfolded today was bad, but you'll have to be patient, as it will require a bit of typing. I want to say this while I'm thinking of it-
If you don't learn how to communicate with your friends without guilt tripping, blaming, yelling, etc., you're going to have a really hard time when you grow up. Conflict is inevitable, but conflict can be healthy if you learn how to handle it properly. The joke about "war" wasn't the issue. It was fun. I had fun participating.
It becomes a problem when you start being aggressive towards others. For example, you did not see Emy's posts as a joke. Rather than asking her to clarify ("Hey, are you going along with my joke, or are you genuinely hurt by what I said?"), you assumed she was making fun of you and you got aggressive. That was problem #1, which made us have to monitor you.
The second problem occurred when you posted about a triggering topic. Many of us have self harmed. Many of us have faced traumatic events and things that keep us up at night. You are not alone. But when you say things so casually, or word them in a way that it comes off as a joke, you end up invalidating the things others have faced. You can invalidate someone both intentionally or unintentionally. You may not have intended to word your posts in a way that would cause others pain, but you did. And that is why we had to step in. Avoiding people will not result in no conflict. Even healthy relationships have conflict. No, Cats. You did not ask Emy for clarification. You immediately got defensive and aggressive throughout your entire interaction with her.
You mentioned that you hurt yourself and went into detail about it. The content of those posts genuinely upset other users. Because no one deserves to feel like that. And at the very least, no one deserves to handle those emotions alone. Of course we would care if you're hurting yourself.
While we're on that subject, self harm is a very delicate topic. You have to be careful about when and where you bring it. Not everyone is comfortable discussing it, or even reading about it. And when you talk about it in the way that you did, it can feel both invalidating and triggering for onlookers. We have a guideline for it for a reason. Cats, you're misunderstanding.
You are more than welcome to mention those things, but you need to be more mindful about how you word them and when you discuss them. Talking about that subject in your own thread is fine, as people can opt to avoid your thread if they need to. But when you bring it into other threads, it can be shocking when no one is expecting to see messages like that. Let me try to explain this a different way.
You brought up your self harm in a relatively humorous thread about your war. Onlookers were likely not expecting to see that. And, because of the nature of the thread, it seemed as if you were making fun of self harm. I am not trying to imply that you were. I want you to understand why it was upsetting to other users. Imagine someone telling you that they hurt themselves and that they would "post an image to prove it." That is a horrifying message to stumble across. Are you listening to a word I'm saying? I am begging you to please stop posting music lyrics over me and acting like you don't care. I'm not trying to be overbearing. I want you to understand the situation and learn to handle it differently for the future. I am trying to help you. Because I already put so much time into this, I would like to ask that you at the very least acknowledge what I've said and try to understand from my perspective. If you don't want me to help you with your communication issues, fine. But the self harm topic is extremely important to me and others. I NEED to know that you understand. Cats, you DO need help. I would not have taken the time to come here and say all of those things if you didn't. If you are going to essentially brush me aside and not really listen to what I have to say, then I stop here. My "extremely long paragraphs" had meaning.[/quote]
This is everything she said.
Ok let me go back and read all this. -
Let me summarize what you have done in the least amount of words I can manage.
1. You casually brought up self harm multiple times and undermined the weight of the act.
2. You play the victim whenever your own friends, let alone strangers, tell you valid, healthy criticism.
3. You made lists of who could or could not talk to you, which made your friends feel like they had to act a specific way or risk angering you.
4. You don't stop and think about how your words or actions hurt others.
5. You refuse to accept responsibility for your actions.
6. You guilt trip your friends and intentionally make them feel bad.
7. You gaslight (force people to question themselves) others in an attempt to divert the conversation and avoid conflict.
8. You refuse to accept that you are not the only person who has suffered. -
Some of these points I took from posts others directed towards you. But I hope that the combination of what I said yesterday and the simplified list will help you digest and understand where we are coming from.
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Ok then
1. I honestly haven't been around other people to know that self-harm isn't something that's supposed to be brought up, and that isn't my fault
2. Again, I don't go around others enough to know that they weren't yelling at me and were trying to be horrible
3. I only did it for a reason
4. I'm not trying to hurt them, partially just trying to post quick enough so it's not a late post
5. Yes I do- when it's necessary
6. No, I do not make people, especially friends, feel bad intentionally
7. So, you get mad that I cause conflict, and when I avoid it I also get yelled at?
8. I doubt any of you have met my parents or had to do what I have for the past 13 years. -
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And everyone is gone. Again.
Hmm? What's this?
YAY MY POST PENALTY IS GONE
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD -
1. You can discuss it if it helps you, but you need to be mindful of how you word it. There are things known as triggers that can cause stress and overwhelm others. Self harm is a common trigger on this site.
2. Multiple times, I and others expressed that we were not yelling at you. We were trying to get you to calm down and understand why you were in the wrong. You can go back and look at how everyone clarified that they weren't out to get you.
3. There is no reason for you to try and restrict your friends. If you dislike people, I am sure they are well aware and will respect you. The only reason I have not respected your wishes is because I feel like I need to finish what I started. I want to have a break through with you. I want to help you realize that you do need help, whether or not current you appreciates it.
4. Sometimes, stopping and letting yourself think is better than scrambling to post right away.
5. This is a necessary time, Cats. I thought that was obvious when 8+ people stepped in to try and talk to you about the issues at hand.
6. Okay, then, unintentionally. I have consoled people over the things you said to them that hurt their feelings. You need to learn how to avoid accidentally guilt tripping others, because you have done that many times recently.
7. Avoiding drama like the political troll is smart. Avoiding your friends and those who are concerned about toxic behavior is not smart. There is a difference.
8. You're right, we do not experience the exact same problem you face. But that does not mean we have not suffered. Suffering comes in many forms. -
okay whoa- enough people on this website have been through things like what you go through. don’t discredit that for other people.
i also got super unlucky about parents you know—and because of culture as i’m not just american, i’m really forced to deal with it and swallow my pride and humanity. i’m sorry you’re going through what i’ve gone through— and it truly gives context for your actions. but like. no ones out to get you here. we just want to help you so we can all be okay around each other.
additionally, i understand that you don’t intentionally cause conflict or hurt others but the fact is that you do. and you need to be aware. you can’t decide for others that you didn’t hurt them.
there’s a functional harmonious way for all of us to exist and we as a community really want to find that with you because we want you to feel safe here and the same for others.
i’m kinda really asking you to let down your defenses and just truly hear everyone here out. -
Cats, you have to understand that others have also been physically, emotionally and mentally hurt and abused, too.
I was one of those people who were emotionally abused by people at school for years. I was friendless, having bad connections with fake friends, being bullied for being bisexual, a Demi-girl and many other things, and having bad arguments with people I love.
I wish I could help you, but I’m just a person behind a screen. A kid. Someone who wouldn’t be able to do much.
But you’re my friend and I care deeply about you. If you ever need anything, just come to me or anyone else you trust.
I don’t like arguments and get emotional easily from the emotional trauma I had nearly 3 years ago, so please, I’m begging you, to stop lashing at everyone.
Please! -
1. I never meant for the triggers to happen. And for that, I will apologize. I am sorry to those I have triggered.
2. I only thought you were yelling because literally calling me toxic and stuff makes me assume too much. I can't sense a tone of voice through the internet. I'm sorry for assuming that I have been yelled at. I am sorry for yelling back.
3. ...
4. Ok, I can start doing that. No promises if I'm rping though
5. ...
6. That's hard to do when anything I can possibly say could possibly hurt someone, and then there's nothing I can do about it
7. If there is, what is the difference?
8. Ok. I can understand that. -
Last post for Dark
@axel, look at my last post
@summers, ok. I hear you. And I will hear you out on that. -
Cats-
You are not alone. My stepdad is emotionally and mentally abusive and my grandparents are extremely manipulative. We are trying to help you. -
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Ack- late post again
It's hard to see it as help when you say things like what you did.
To be fair, I did first, I guess.
Ellie, I'm sorry for saying what I did to you.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
