Love on the Battlefield
Thread Topic: Love on the Battlefield
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It's actually pretty funny how this works. Could anyone believe that love can be found on the battlefield, yet it IS a battlefield in itself?
Experience is the only way to know how high such a thing can take you...or how low it may leave you. From this experience, I should learn a thing or two, but it would seem that I'm an Eva, and that's why I don't take too kindly to the learning bit of it all.
Guess I shoulda, but I didn't wanna listen. I just wanna be lovingly open, but sometimes it's best not to be that way, I guess.
I dunno. -
If I were better at handling my overly-loving nature, I wouldn't be having what I like to refer to as the "Eva Complex". This is where most of my relational thinking is purely influenced by feelings of the moment. I should really stop doing that, even though all my feelings are lasting and sincere.
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I let myself get into the darnedest situations. The funny thing there is that I don't expect to find it so easy to just hand out love like candy when I'm treated like s--- all the time.
I so desperately seek validation, but it's an inward craving, and more than this, I only desire to spend my life with someone who cares, for once. -
I better get Clara to post a link to this for me. Heh.
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Alright, then.
Really, if I were to name all thing things I'd want in a boy, I'd find that they're so simple, yet not a single boy exists as such.
Hard to believe? Not really. -
Incase I lose my thread again. This will be on my first page. -
I only wish that I had peace of mind knowing that I'm alright. I don't have it there. I feel destined to be alone, but I still search and patiently wait, nevertheless.
I don't know how I'd find someone or when. I just hope it's soon. It's all I've really wanted, even ever since I was really little. I just knew that I was the type that'd end up taking the long, lonely road of the hero...or outcast. Outcast seems to fit me more, sadly. -
I wouldn't say that I'm totally washed up for not having anybody. That's not the case at all. Loneliness for lack of lover isn't even on the radar when it comes to the cause of my misery. But like any other entity, I do feel inclined to desire that unbreakable bond. So then, tell me...do you believe in finding love on the battlefield? Life is my battlefield and the world is my enemy. None can be trusted...unless proven worthy.
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I've had infamous encounters, over the years. (And now I'm thinking of "Encounter" from MGS. XD) I remember having fictional crushes since I was 3-4 years old. Hehe. I still get that. Then, there's my first hand at love. I gave it my all, and that's what matters most.
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I've had one real-life crush, and then something else just recently. My crush never noticed me, but looking back on it, I suppose that's good because he was rather immature, as I later on learned. I used to obsess night and day over him, but my friend didn't believe I was obsessed. But, I did, so that's what made me realize I needed to let it go.
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I hate that I fall too easily for boys who show sympathy.
This is why I'm much like Eva. Looking at how I fell for Jeeshan, anyone would consider me to be kinda a b---- for pullin' up on him like that. I know. It was pretty s----y and all, but I couldn't control it. It's just me being me. I look pretty bad, saying all that, but I'm not trying to appear that way. I never am. -
I did apologize for the way I did things to him, and I definitely toned it down, but he'd kill me...or laugh his @$$ off in a harmless manner if I told him that I still love him. Yeh, I do. I really do, but so much so that I'll keep that to myself. Jeeshy doesn't need to know.
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I actually miss talking to Jeeshan, and I hope he's okay. He really seems to know where I'm coming from, and he's the best company! He always makes me laugh, even when I'm crying. I'm comfortable in my own skin around him.
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I could honestly ramble on and on about Jeeshan, and he knows this. I don't obsess like I first did, and I feel rather healthy about this. Hey, it's what this thread is for, so why not? It's just a friendly little crush, I suppose. Who knows. I won't stress over it anymore. One thing's for sure, I'm happy to just know him, and that's what matters most to me. I can't imagine not meeting him when I did. It was truly a blessing.
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Shoot, didn't know I was still on the first page. I don't think Jeeshan would ever see this, though. I dunno. I really miss him. Yeah, I like him, but I'm totally okay. I just have a sometimes-obsessive mind.
He tells me he's not as sweet as I believe, and I've seen only a tiny bit of what he means, but I don't really care. I kinda like it. I'm strange like that. Yeah. I don't have a clue as to why I'm like this, either.
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