~Modern Loneliness~
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 20, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: ~Modern Loneliness~
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nothing rlly :p
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omg lmaoooo I love that XD
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big oof though
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it came on n i thought of you ♡
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awwww <3 thank youuuu
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like eight hours later on FaceTime still with my best friends its weird. one's acting like a three year old lmao the other I feel like I'm parenting with help me.
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ah I'm taking the time finally to take care of myself. its a hard topic because I never did I was always forced to do something else. but now I have the time to sit down and heal and just focus on me when no one else could. except sleep, I've been chasing sleep since a month and a half ago when jared stopped our friendship and I don't know if that'll ever change.
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Daily Song
Too Much Too Ask - Niall Horan -
Y'all just have a breakdown over all the stuff you have to heal from in the shower so much you actually can't breathe and that makes it hard but you can't do anything about it because-yeah.
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It's super hard to let go of everything I should be so y'know. Jared is the major thing. I need to let him go he's gone already but he's been such a big part of my life its so freaking hard especially since he was my first everything, friend, lover, home, etc. I recognize Ralph could definitely help me and change that but I'm not ready. I'm just not and neither is he which is a good thing but I'm not ready to feel these feelings of love that are developing for Ralph.
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Letting go of Justice who was my best friend of five years up until January when we fell out majorly. I officially said goodbye last month March 15th when she came by to pick up the things she gave me I didn't want anymore. It was the most painful thing I've had to do in a long time. it makes it so much worse when she turned back the last minute and said 'goodbye' because that's the last I'll ever hear of her. its not fair and I want this to change. this is hard.
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Letting go of the parental love I needed as a kid that I never got and instead recieved a dollop of abuse in return and trauma is a work in itself. I've been doing okay in that and I've been reforming the missing relationship I've needed with my mother when that was missing. she breaks down occasionally and scares me but its okay. it feels like she's a different person now than she was at first and its scary because why. she gave me so many mental illness problems that I still have and again, this hurts.
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Letting go of my problems. I have a lot
Depression
Anxiety
Trauma
Complex PTSD
Heart Disease
Probably insomnia
Eating Disorder
Abuse and neglect
Trust issues -
I sound like a mess but I've been healing slowly from a lot and its better than what it was before. my trust issues are slowly coming to a stop, I've been fighting my depression and anxiety with help from my friends. eating disorder is a tough one but I've been trying. PTSD and that is slowly fading. it takes a long time but it'll be okay eventually. I hope one day I'll be able to sleep without passing out but y'know.
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amongst multiple suicide attempts the past years I'm surprised I'm still alive but I guess I'm still fighting. I don't know why, probably for my friends who are my family I don't want to hurt them like that but I also don't want to hurt like this I'm trying to hold on to hope but I always get disappointment y'know
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