.you're torn at every edge but you're a masterpiece.
Thread Topic: .you're torn at every edge but you're a masterpiece.
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the second tattoo i'm getting is a blue jay with a larkspur flower in its mouth. blue jays are my mom's favorite bird and larkspur flowers symbolize new beginnings, protection from harmful energy, and very strong love. i'm getting it on the arm opposite to the cardinal i got
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i'm also getting "love yourself" in cursive on my shoulder. but before that i wanna get a mickey mouse head because my brother's having a baby and the baby shower has a disney theme.
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so i found out that suicidal OCD is a thing, and i'm checking all of the boxes.........
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i think about suicide so much it's unbelievable. even when i'm fine, i randomly get impulsive thoughts like, "what if you took a pencil from your bag and stabbed yourself"? and i try not to use knives or razors because i know i'll get an urge to cut myself. like, out of nowhere, sometimes when i enter a room, i look for things i can hurt myself with. the last time i was in the hospital for a suicide attempt, the nurse brought me my meds with a cup of water. i looked at the water and then the vitals machine right beside the bed and thought about electrocuting myself for no absolute reason.
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i want to become a photographer and live in a nice beach house with my mom and be financially stable more than anything else. that's really my dream. but at the same time, i worry that i'm going to kill myself right out of high school because of the pressure.
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sometimes it makes me question whether or not i have depression. i know i do, i was diagnosed, but the anxiety and self-loathing in the back of my head try to invalidate my experiences and my mental illness. it kind of sucks.
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i'm sorry for ranting, and i'm sorry if anyone becomes offended or upset by what i say. i just haven't gone to therapy in a month and a half because we couldn't afford health insurance. money is tight right now.
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:(
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hi! i know the mood in here is kind of gloomy, but i appreciate you coming in anyway
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Well thats all im good for
Anyway hiya -
hiya. i'm drawing stuff for my oc. what are you up to?
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wish this place was still active so that I could do some moderating.
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there's this app called Amino and in there you can make your own communities and fanclubs and stuff. anyway, I moderate one of those communities and I'm just like, kind of angry and sad at the same time
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our community isn't terribly active, kind of like this site. so when people make cool posts I think deserve to be seen, I feature or pin them. the problem is, the leaders are very picky about what they want pinned.
I think pinning stuff that isn't even exceptionally good is a good motivator for our members to start creating more stuff, which in turn is going to make the community more active. it's a reward system and it makes people feel happy and recognized when they put time and effort into creating something.
the leaders don't like the fact that I do this and call me out on it. I don't like being pushed around, so I tell them very calmly why I do what I do. their community is s--- when it comes to activity and I'm doing what I can to make it better. they're just trying to make me feel stupid about it and it sucks. -
there's a bridge here in town. it's about 50 feet high. i could do some pretty good damage if i jump from it. maybe even die. that'd be nice. there's no pedestrians allowed on it, but who's going to stop me when they've got places to be? nobody cares about anyone else here.
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