flip the tables
- Locked due to inactivity on Jun 13, '18 3:54am
Thread Topic: flip the tables
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oh wow i didn't realize you posted lol
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oh my god
a rare moment when someone
enters
my
thread -
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you know that feeling where you f---ing despise yourself so much it's just beyond feeling any emotions about yourself anymore and theres just a black hole of no feelings or thoughts that you can even process to describe yourself anymore because the f---ing hate has gone so far beyond level one and is now like tenfold the amount you hate for yourself that you cant even goddamn think of feeling anything for your self or overall existence because theres nothing there to deserve feelings
like no hell what the f--- am i even rambling about jesus lol im so f---ing ridiculous i cant even -
i asked this person i knew once "do you ever just look at someone and wish you were them?"
they told me i was being ridiculous and that being jealous of people is such a stupid immature thing to be
but it's a different kind of 'jealousy' to the kind that little kids feel or whatever
It's more of a ... serious? Meaningful, deep kind of envy i guess??
idk how the hell to explain it good god but i know what i mean, like you know, when you're trying to explain something to someone and you know what you're trying to say or get across to them, but they are like "wtf are you on about are you insane??"
yeah that feeling really annoys me
like even though i f---ing hate myself, i feel that when i explain things best, and that when all my feelings are even more clear, is when i am on my own talking to myself
Sometimes i just sit there and vent my annoyances and feelings, and well basically everything, to myself
I feel that if i talk to anyone else, like my friends or whatever, then they will just brush it off and tell me "oh whatever most people feel like that like you have it worse than everyone else", or "ooh be grateful for the life you've got", "theres children starving in africa and you're moaning about trivial s---"
like i hate it when people do that, you know the "other people have it worse than you so be grateful" yeah i really f---ing hate that, exactly what i mean i never get much sense out of people so instead i just rant to myself
woah holy s--- i need to shut up -
my life is a joke i swear
i need to stop f---ing procrastinating over everything and waiting for things to just come to me
like get the f--- off your pathetic ass and do something in life jesus f--- sake
i just feel like i dont have the motivation to do anything anymore really, like if i could then i would just curl up and go to sleep for the rest of eternity and forget about everything
but oh hey reality comes knocking on my door
f---ing get a life and wake up from this little joke world you're living in, do things for yourself for once, stop being pathetic and wondering why people f---ing moan -
oh i cant help it
It's not my fault i was given this s---ty dumb pathetic sick joke of a life was it?
nooo
f---ing b---- ass fate decided to drop me here unprepared for the game of life -
im not f---ing garnering attention or whatever lol im just venting
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holy cow my hands are tired from all that typing
f---ing lazy b---- you deserve it -
see? i am actually a pathetic human bean underneath the mask
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i just dont want to show it i guess
too ashamed of revealing my true self, my true pathetic dumb--- c--- idiot ridiculous self -
i wish i could just have a chat with someone who like actually understands me you know? someone you can actually emotionally relate to? is it not posssible
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humans are a joke
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