~ Rhi's Official Thread ~
- Locked due to inactivity on Oct 28, '18 3:54am
Thread Topic: ~ Rhi's Official Thread ~
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actually, never mind, Ive put too much pressure on myself by announcing it and now my mind has gone blank.
Ill just write out my thoughts instead
Here I am, a complete emotional mess, blaming myself for something that I technically couldnt have prevented (and even though I tell myself this all the time, it doesnt really help), trying extremely hard not to physically hurt myself because I feel like such an idiot for something that HE did to me. Even though the more I think about it I STILL feel like an absolute idiot for kissing him back and for letting him touch me like that and for ever ever walking with him into that hallway and for all the stupid things I said and did during the relationship too....
And hes just out there, living his life. Got a girlfriend. Going to prom with her. Liking literally every single thing on her Instagram. Saying hes feelin good.
Youre feeling good?
You treated a human being that you knew for over a year, and talked with every single day for three months as if you loved them, like absolute garbage, as if they do not even exist in this world anymore.
And you feel good?
Wow.
Im so done. -
I am so done with him.
I posted the music video, I tagged him in it. It cant get more direct than what I have done. I am so done fighting for him. I am so f---ing done.
If he doesnt care after all of this, then he can just burn in hell. -
I care so much for him still, and I will never even know if he cares about any of it.
I just want him to understand. If he understood, would he care? I dont know. I just... want to fight for him...
But it seems like nothing I do matters... -
Also, nobody post in here right now. This is my private time lol
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He knew that was my first kiss too... he knew it... and he stole it from me...
You know... on the 17th of December, 3 days after it happened and his behavior changed... I woke up in the morning and it felt like my heart had been stolen from me. I puked. I was nauseous and puking for days. The nausea and muscle tension didnt really go away for a week or so. Even then. I kept replaying what happened in my mind, feeling heartbroken. Feeling so confused as to how this person I thought I knew could do a 360 like that and be someone I didnt even know. Feeling disgusted with myself that I had forgotten all the things I valued and stood for.... -
I never thought I would be thankful to call that one kiss I had with my best childhood guy friend my first technical kiss. Even if it was just a peck on the lips and was when I was 6. That is a much better and lighthearted memory than what Donevan Lyon did to me.
Yeah I used the twats full f---ing name! -
f---ing perverted wolf
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Heartless son of a b----
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And he even brought me to the part of the hallways with no cameras. Why did I trust this creep so much?
That was the same place that one guy tried to kiss Rhiannah. He didnt in the end, it I remember when it happened earlier in the school year and she told me about it and felt so violated.
Honestly when he brought me to that spot and said Perfect
I was a little worried. Im not gonna lie. He seemed different from the shy boy I had been talking with after graduation in May. He seemed more... cocky. Full of himself, I guess.
But I trusted him... so I didnt think it mattered.
I shouldnt have... -
(She felt violated because he wanted to kiss her and kind of cornered her but she ended up leaving the area)
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I have to stop caring so much. I have already done more than what I even need to do. I dont need to do anything more. I should really just ban myself from updating Facebook anymore for like months and months....
At this point... I just dont even know what I am expected to do anymore... -
Why did there have to be a dandelion?
God what am I supposed to do? I dont understand any of it... -
I just want him to be there...
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I just want him to have that peace and that happiness... and I dont want him to keeping sowing bad oats... how can I help him... I dont know...
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Looking back to the first page of this thread... that movie I went to with my dad... I was distracted because it was on the 25th, just 5 days after I had sent the break up text that he never replied to. I was really out of it and didnt really have much desire to do anything.
My dad noticed how upset I had been over it all. I couldnt tell him everything, obviously, but he could see how much pain I was in over it and one time when he was talking about it with me he got all teary eyed and said it hurt him to see me hurting like that.
I talked about it with him a lot. The parts that I could at least... I told him how Donevan had made me feel like some kind of Object.
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