Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
-
-
I want to speak but I have nothing to say
-
I've had a really hard time knowing what to say since Kirishima died
-
I want it to be quiet because these people exhaust me but if I don't stay distracted I start seeing his glazed eyes in my head and I look at pictures of him and remember how bright and alive and loving they're supposed to be and break my heart
or I think about how the new kitten might play with his favorite toy and I need to find it before he does because that belongs to kirishima and no one else -
he took a lot of me with him, honestly
he was supposed to be one of those miracle cats that lives to be 20 or 30
in what world is it right for a cat to die before he even hits 2? -
I should have known something would happen to him, of course
he was the best cat I've ever met, so loving, spending every moment he could in my lap or curled up on my legs while I slept, coming running no matter where he was in the house or what he was doing any time I called him
so calm, all the time
my poor baby -
I should have known, because nothing good in my life ever lasts
-
I hate myself so much for not being able to save him, and for how scared he was, and the pain
-
I'm not really good with words, and I know you aren't really looking for any, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. Kirishima was a good little lad, and I hope that Whiskey brings you good companionship too. I really hope that something good comes out of your new friend, because you deserve all of the good things.
-
as cliche as it sounds, I f---ing hate myself for not being able to protect him from this
what f---ing good am I if I could only sit there with him and wait? -
You did what you could. You did research and you tried to find a way to help him. It was all you could do, and it was your best. He probably knew that, even if he doesn't quite understand on the same spectrum. So don't blame yourself. You were with him through it all, and I'm sure that he was grateful for your support. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. But I don't think he would blame you, so try to remind yourself of that.
I personally feel like was there to remind you what love was. Don't forget that; embrace it as much as you can. -
I know it's not my fault. The vet did an autopsy and determined that he was born with an enlarged heart, and that it eventually pressed into his lung and caused it to collapse. She said he only lived as long as he did because of the level of care I gave him. I know that should make me feel better, but I don't really care to know I did my best. My best wasn't enough. He's gone and every time I have a moment alone I just disappear in the grief. He was my little boy. I wanted to keep him. I planned to die with him, but that wasn't supposed to be for years. He stayed by my side the entire time when I tried to kill myself, and he clung to me when I got out of the hospital. I miss him so f---ing much. I had planned to take a new birthday picture and add an additional candle every year. His second birthday would have been in July. I have one birthday photo, with one singular candle. And that's all I'll ever get.
-
Perhaps what you need to do in order to relieve some of your guilt is to try to immortalize him and his memory. He cared for you because you cared for him. Remember that. Carry it with you. He wanted you to live, and he was glad to see you still there for him when you returned. Don't let his love go to waste. Try to give it to someone else, whether it's your other feline friends or even another person. But: Love them for him. Not in place of him, but for him. I really believe that he would want you to remember him and simultaneously live your best life even though he can't be there physically for you.
-
Something someone I'm close to told me is that it will take time to feel better. Let yourself grieve. Even if it means that you have to relieve that moment, you have to really let yourself sink. Because once you've let yourself hit that point of despair, you're able to stand, and you won't fall back one day. I never really looked at it like that. I had a breakdown over someone I lost, and I didn't want to grieve. I kept trying to push it away without letting myself really feel the loss. But I couldn't get over them without first sitting in my feels and really just allowing myself to sink. I don't know if that will help you at all, because everyone has different coping mechanisms, but it's something to consider at the very least.
-
You said, "I guess I'll be home soon,
but things will be different, I'm sure."
So I thought that you should know-
if things are gonna change when you come home,
maybe this time, don't.
Post a reply as a guest or Log In
REMEMBER:
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
- Do not harass or insult other people. Treat others how you'd like to be treated.
View all 10 forum rules
