All Things Happy~
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:35pm
Thread Topic: All Things Happy~
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*sigh* I don't care what you do, do as you need to, just hear me and understand why I think the way I do.
Everytime I hold my head up high I trip. Everytime I look in the mirror and think I am pretty, I am shown an picture of me that captures my ugliest features. Every time I think I am graceful and put together, I try to let loose or act elegantly and everyone laughs at what a awkward goofball I am. Everytime I think I am being mature and wise I look back the next day and am grieved with the embarrassment if my immaturity. Everytime I think I am actually learning how to talk in front of others without stumbling and stuttering I listen to a recording of myself and hear and string of high piched umms and like neverminds. Everytime I think someone is accepting me and wanting to be my friend I look back to see how they used me and never gave a damn. Everytime I think I have a nice figure and am perfect the way I am I look at a picture of myself and see the he opposite of that. Every time I think I can do the things I love skillfully like play piano or sing or anything I ask someone and they tell me to my face that I sucked and need to get a new hobby... My whole life I just tried to hold onto hope that I was all the things I wanted to be... pretty and graceful and reserved and sarcastic and wanted and mature and talented and nice and thoughtful and.... I am always let down. Always. It hurts me. So. Much. Do you understand what it is like to hear tiny whispers when people tell you that you are good at something and they give you hope just to have it crushed down packed further than the last time? Do you know what it is like to wake up every morning knowing you f---ed up every good thing you could have ever had? Do you know what it is like to keep hearing a voice telling you to press on while you are still weighed down by all the hurt and embarrassment and pathetic tendencies of the past bound to your back? I have so much trouble letting people in because I hate having to go through the same stupid s--- all the time. I just want it to be over... I hate feeling like this all the time.. I would rather just drown it all out.... that is why I keep falling further and further down this trail... it just hurts too much sometimes and I just give up and shut it out because I can't deal with it anymore... -
Savannah. ..I understand. ..It'll end one day...Trust me. ..That happened to me fir a long time and does me today a bit, too, but Savannah, at least put your faith into me, if you can no one else, because I'm not going to come back one day and say the opposite because if I did I'd be lying a whole bunch of bulls---...And I refuse to lie to you.
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Idk.. Alex I am sorry.. I shouldn't be saying any of this and I'll be over to tomorrow so just please forget I said anything...
I need to go to bed and so do you so goodnight... I love you... -
okay...
I don't need to go to bed yet but okay, Gnight, I love you too, and I'll see you tomorrow, Savannah. .. -
Hmm.. I really need to stop dreaming about you house,,
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XD what was it thus time?
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Hmm.. Well.. Sometimes when I dream I forget it completly, and then months later I will to sleep and have a similar dream.... That is what happened.
This dream took place at... My grandfathers house, I believe .. But it as supposed to be yours. . I knew it was yours... We were there making plans for our future and working to build a life and we were both happy... Then your father recofnized me from my past dream and was rather upset because I dud some stupid crap in that dream and I got upset because i was the cause if a lot of heartache and ran away...
So I never told you because at the time, everytime I said something that indicated that I thought about you you would make comments that embarraased me and made me think you didnt care... But now that I think about it I dreampt of you a lot.. -
Oooohhh...
Hmm...
Sorry... -
Yeah
Idek.. I think tbis dream waa mainly focused on emotion and idealism... It took what I felt and wanted and put it intonsomething I could elaborate.
Its okay... I am glad it happened. -
guess so...
Why? -
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Because I love how it made our relationship now. If that, or any of the other struggles we have had never happened we wouldn't be here now.... -
SkilledSOAP64 Newbie.... I'm going to go through all my accounts.
Because it is very good and you look hungry. -
Not nessicarily, it just wouldn't be as strong...
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SkilledSOAP64 Newbie... wrong thread
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still... I like how things happened... I wouldn't look at you the same way had these things never happened...
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