Vanilla thread.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:32pm
Thread Topic: Vanilla thread.
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I suddenly have the urge to go scoop my hand down into a large container of butter and play with the contents.
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........
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What a wonderful easter!
My friend avoided me all day so she could hang out with her "friends" and fit in with them, (also because she hates me for not being 100% social with her over spring break). I knew she was going through her thing so I left her alone to make her mistakes. My dad saw me off on my own and told me to go be social with them all. I went up and attempted to talk to them all but they just sat playing on there ipods. I opened my mouth to talk to the one kid up there not on a devise and my friends snaps at me and sayslucky once in your life could you please shut up" luckly, the kids there new better than that and told her off. Then she makes a blunt comment about how I am dating someone. okay, first of all, I am not dating anyone. Second of all, I have told her repetitive times not to tell anyone because it was in between her and I.
But whatever, it isn't like anyone cares and she couldn't have possibly mentioned it. Right? -
Damm, I am really dumb.
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And reckless
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Maybe I should take a break for awhile
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Pst, cheese
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newr! Oh well,
well yesterday was quite eventful. -
Sigh, and I am back to talking to a brick wall.
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I don't want to go to school! I can't face my teacher and my peers
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Okay, this might the last thing you hear from me in a while.
See you later guys! -
So this is going to be long and mushy but just deal with it. I am not channeling all emotion through a book, some you deserve to know.
I feel absolutely horrible about sunday. It wasn't right of me to say those sorts of things, especially not with the burden you carry already. I am really sorry and I don't expect us to be friends ever. It is getting really bad though on my side, I don't know about yours because you keep bottling yourself up. But I am going crazy, I am addicted to secular music and I am always in a daze, I can't focus and I am eating myself up with anger. I really just want to crawl down into a hole and sit there till I die. I am a absolutely idiot and so selfish it isn't funny.
hopefully this purity retreat will help.
It is killing me that I can't help you. I feel so weak and powerless and it is awful. You deserve better than my company .
But just know that I do know how you feel. I was depressed once too, it feels like you have detached yourself from the universe and are just floating around outside the universe, you feel like no one can save you now because you have made to many mistakes and are to bad of a person to get back up again. I withdrawaled from my friends and boxed myself into a little square that was always crying and couldn't think straight. Whether or not this is how you feel is besides the point. The point of all this is the difference between your depression and mine. You see when I was always sharing my feelings and what was bothering me to my parents, friends, and God. I told them why I was so depressed in anguish and they were able to help me. You never do that! You just keep bottling up your emotions until they explode. Trust me, that is the worst thing you can do, because the people around you don't know that you are upset, or angry with things because you never tell them, then when you explode the people don't now what to do because that weren't expecting it. They don't know how to help or where to start because it just explodes without any warning.
I suppose that is why I am always so keen to share my feelings with everyone, because I know that even though it may be annoying as hell sometimes, it keeps me from from storing emotions away. If I kept secrets I would become depressed again and I don't want to deal with it.
I don't know what point I am trying to make here....
Maybe, it is will you forgive me? But I don't think that is what I wish to say.
maybe it is heed this advice.
maybe it is just a notice that I went down the same trail you did.
maybe it is just some crappy emcouragment.
I really, really don't know... -
Okay I am done.
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I need to talk to myself
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Hello
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