Welcome to my garden
Thread Topic: Welcome to my garden
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I wish I knew what was wrong with me.
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I wonder why your angry. I wonder why you want to die. Then I remembered you’ve met me and that’s enough to make anyone want to die. I wonder what the people of my past say about me when I’m gone. I wonder does everyone hate me?
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I’m not surprised. Not at all. I’m not surprised. I knew you thought that way of me.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone else feels the same way.
I have a lot of things on my mind but I don’t think I should put them out for the world to see. I have learned a lot. -
Sometimes I hear things about myself and wonder what the other side looks like to people. Can’t even be mad because I probably feel the same way about me that y’all do.
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Now. I have a pretty good idea why you may feel this way. Now I’m just wondering if I was right or wrong on how my feelings changed about you due to what a mutual had said.
Eh. I don’t hate anyone. Just myself. Honestly hate the person I use to be. I’m unsure what is thought of me but you know what. Like I said can’t be mad. I know there’s two sides to every story and I just wonder about the side of yours I never asked about? -
I think I might go out.
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Yikes
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Should of just stayed home. Smh.
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Life. Talking to myself on a website where everyone probably thinks the worst of me. Or just newbies.
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Now that we established im a piece of s---..what’s next ? I hope it’s death. Pick me pick me.
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The s--- I went through I probably deserved. No one needs to wish the worst on me I got that part taken care of. No one hates me more then me.
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I'm sorry you're going through all of that s---.. And I'm sorry I wasn't the best of all people to you.
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Oh s--- I’m not alone. I deserve everything bad I’m going through.
Why do you think you wasn’t ? -
“Happy smiles and somber endings. I sleep my days away until they turn into restless nights. I’m alone and have no one to turn too. I literally can’t breathe this feeling inside me is consuming me. I’m absorbing the emotions of everyone and everything around me. Unlucky me everyone is sad. Now I cannot separate my sadness from his. I feel miserable, mistreated and used. I’m far from broken hearted because my heart left when he died. My tolerance for people has plummeted and my anxiety has skyrocketed. I spend my days drowning my sorrows and sadness in pools of wine and heavy liquor. I spend my nights sitting on a pier, smoking my thoughts away in the hopes all my problems leave alongside the clouds. I’m half way in between crying with the intention of going to sleep forever and staying awake to do all the things I said I never do and be the person I hate the post. My life is falling apart. I’m lost between getting high on life or snorting lines of coke in a dingy motel restroom where no one knows my name or where I come from. I’m 5 parts suicidal and 9 parts terrified of life. There’s days I can’t breathe and there other days where I feel like I’m breathing to much-toxicity and depression overran with my madness. I’m in a battle with myself that no one would understand. The other part of me is better in every way. I’m this close to killing myself off so she can take my place. She’s calm,cool and collected. She’s witty and mean and she’s beautiful and charming. She takes everything with a grain of salt. Then she uses the salt to rub into my self made flesh wounds. “
I don’t remember this. … I don’t remember much of anything though. -
No. You don't.
I said that I'd always be there for you, but after our break up, I couldn't bear myself to talk to you or anyone for a long while.
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