Welcome to my garden
Thread Topic: Welcome to my garden
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Smack him
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Not like I already tried. He just goes to my mom and cries up a river
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Oh damn
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I guess I can close my Burger King
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sigh
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I miss having friends but like I’ve never really had any for long
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“But I don’t want to be here!”
I don’t want to be here! My words filled with conviction and sadness. My words are sharp and bitter. He asked me in a placate way what did I mean.
I stated in vexed manner that I do not want to me alive. Without skipping a beat he asked if that means I wish to not of been born at all or if I wanted to cease my existence in this moment. I’m now shocked,confused and hesitant. I was not expecting that. I answered maybe both. I guess I meant what ever would of been the easier more convenient option. He asked me if I truly believe that I’ve never helped anyone. Even I couldn’t say I haven’t. He asked am I selfish enough to leave knowing that I’ve made a difference. He had me there. I said I guess not. He said he knew that I wanted to be selfish. That feeling selfish is okay. He never fails to amaze me I was fully expecting to hear an ear full. But somehow in all this it made me confused and I’m now upset I’m confused. I want to not be here. But there is also stuff I want to do. He tells me in such confidence that I am loved and I am important and that my passing would do more harm then good. My not being here would genuinely effect others and honestly all I can say is I don’t want others to feel how I do and I don’t want to make anyone else feel this way. I don’t feel like my ceasing existence would do that much but for frustration sake and the sake of him and someone I care deeply about -here I am. -
ugh I wonder if he will be around today
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I wish my life had value
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or felt like I wasn’t alone
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My existence disappoints me
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Permanent sadness b like
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like damn
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pain
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1200 by New Years
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