My Thread!! :)
- Locked by RainInTheShadows on Apr 23, '20 2:02pmReason: Locked at owner's request.
Thread Topic: My Thread!! :)
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i feel so alone.
i feel like i’m standing on stage with a glass bowl on my head and i’m screaming and everyone’s just watching me and not doing anything or caring like- -
i’m so alone. i have so much stacked against me that i can’t talk about and that i have no one to talk to about. i can’t talk at home because no one really listens to me and home is part of my big problem anyways ??? and then i just can’t even see my doctor and therapist anymore because of my parents and i’m also just way too poor for that.
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no matter what i have the world on my shoulders and a constant battle in mymind and no way out and no support or love or anything to get me through and everything is just crumbling around me.
i just want it to be over so bad. i dread waking up every day when i know its going to be the same as always. i’m filled with so much dread and anxiety about living -
how does someone go on with all of this when they don’t even have the strength to see the next day
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how do i go on living to be the person i KNOW i was meant to be also knowing that no one supports me or believed me in the first place. how do i live as the guy i know i am when everyone thinks i’m a lie ?? how do i even exist knowing that people i love think i’m a lie. am i even a lie?? am i worth all this and should i bother transitioning??? i could never speak to my family and i don’t even think i’m accepted by the community.
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how do i live knowing i HAVE to put up with abusivr cycles i try so hard to outgrow and heal from when it’s consrsnrky creating new scars in my mental health? how do i stay in a place that only causes me pain
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yo how do i sit here and stay alive when i dread each moment and every second is filled with anxiety or hurt or shame or disrespect ??? how do i do this?? i genuinely don’t know like i don’t even have any support to show me how to do this. i have nothing. i have no one. i’m dead ass screaming into the void basically rn bc i’m so alone i have f---ing nothing
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and again. i realize i’m alone.
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what am i even doing
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honestly just f— it
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Hey Axle I don't know you well but
You're not alone. Believe it or not, screaming into the void is a pretty good coping skill. You survive so that one day you can flourish. Your family might never accept you, but that's on them, not you. You don't have to depend on them to validate or approve of you, you don't have to tell them ANYTHING that you don't want to.
Hopefully someday soon you won't be under their thumb anymore. I hope you keep fighting against the tide until it turns in your favor. If you feel alone, I'd recommend shopping around disboard for some good discord servers to join. There's some gems out there with really great people. And there's servers for everything, including those transitioning and struggling with it.
I hope you're well, take care -
wow i’m so emotional that it meant the world that you even referred to me as axel
like i know it’s my name but this means so much i’m actually crying lol
despite my rants i will do my best to keep pushing and live the life that suits me despite the opposition!
thank you so much and you take care as well! <3 -
how did i manage to sleep literally zero hours of the night i can hardly stay up at 3 and like
i don’t wanna nap and mess up my schedule tonight bc i’m finally gonna sleep tonight 😩 -
Le1F Advancedhi axle
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howdy :)
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