Ok, so im writing this story for english
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm
Thread Topic: Ok, so im writing this story for english
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The rough draft is due wedensday, and idk if this is good or not. So, can you say if based on the lead you would want to continue reading or not?
The ref blew her whistle. The ball being kept hostage between the two crosse's was set free high in the air to be faught over by the players closest. Sticks were swaying around trying to get the ball from the other team. The lacrosse game had begun. -
Anybody? Sorry, i just need help
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*Fought
And it sounds good. But what's a closest? -
Mockingbird NoviceMeg, I think she means the players that were the closest.
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@Mockingbird ohhhh, okay. That makes more sense XD.
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Oh, yea, i wrote fought on my paper but i typed faught. And yea, i thought that sounded better than "The ball being kept hostage between the two crosse's was set free high in the air to be fought over by the players closest to the ball"
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Mockingbird NoviceSports19, just out of curiosity, what grade are you in? I just want to know how I should judge this...
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The 2nd paragraph:
But, 2 secconds into the game the ref blew her whistle again. At first i didn't know what was going on. Then i relized that one of the players on my team was given a red card. She started walking off the field with it, but then the ref stopped her and told her that it was supposed to be a yellow card, and that she just couldn't find one in her pocket. I think she was called for a high check, which is a check that is dangerously close to someone's face or head. -
8th and in honors english..
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Mockingbird Novice*seconds
*realized
Capitalize the I.
You may want to change ref to referee, I don't know how your teacher will feel about it since it's slang, but you probably know your teacher well enough to able to decide if he/she will have a problem with it.
Also, I don't think you need to have a then in your second paragraph's fourth sentence. -
The 'i' wasnt capitalized because when im typing i dont bother capitalizing it. But, on my paper i wrote it as a capitol. And thanks for the spelling; i was writing fast so i didnt bother double checking the spelling/ punctuation. And i put the 'then' there because it sounded better to me. Eh, i might take it out; but its only the rough draft. And i was thinking about changing the ref to referee, but i thought it flowed better as ref. Well, i probably will change it in the final copy, but again; its only the rough draft. And yea, i dont really know if my teacher would care or not, because hes kind of strict/ odd, but hes also kind of... Whats the word... Nice? When it comes to stuff like this
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I ended up crossing a few whole pages out, because it was too long so i made it about just my hand getting checked instead of the entire game. So much easier this way. Thanks for the suggestion though. Now, all i have to do is whatever were doing in class tomarrow and to type it up
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No problamo
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Ergh... I hate typing something word for word.
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