Story Concept, looking for critique on what I have
- Locked due to inactivity on Dec 7, '16 3:54am
Thread Topic: Story Concept, looking for critique on what I have
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@Jeeshan I'll add slight humor here and there, but I wanted to start it off a bit serious because of how I'm planning to continue. Also, I was thinking about naming the chapters, but I'm not very creative in that aspect.
@IHLAOY I honestly admire all critique you have to offer. You may not be a professional, but you seem like one.
Thank you. I'm hoping I'll be able to make something readable, but we'll have to see if I can pull it off.
Do you have any suggestions or words that might seem more appealing, or is that up to me, considering I know what's going to happen in the story?
Oh, okay! Thanks for pointing that out. I'll fix that on my personal document. I never noticed it's an vs a. Then again, an does sound correct when reading that line out loud.
That's actually really helpful. I wasn't sure how I was going to cut that down. I'll try to see what I can do about the whole clothing bits.
A question.. I'm not sure how I'd fit one of those in there, but I can read through it and see if there's something I can do to make it more interesting.
The door is lighting up. It's not very specific, though, because when I was writing that bit I wasn't sure how to word it. I'll try to re-write that so there's less confusion. Even though magic is fun to work with, it's also so hard to explain. At least, for me it is.
That's actually a really good idea that I didn't think about. I thought I'd have to explain WHY she's at the party, what she's doing there, ect. I'll make another document to mess with that idea.
Ahaha, I was actually planning to have him be there as the spy. Also, I was debating whether or not to have him kill Orenda, which fuels Auyron's hatred/will to fight Diomedes throughout the story. But I was wondering if that was too quick? I mean, you've just met her, and then killing her off might be a bit of a shock to some people.
Thank you very much for giving your insight on this. I'll be making some revisions today.
@BookNerd I wasn't planning to have action right there, but it will definitely be in the beginning. Especially if I try to start it at the party vs where I have it. But thank you for the example, I enjoy visuals. I'll try to do that as I go. -
Nah, killing people at the start of a story is an age old trope. Just look at someone like Uncle Ben from Spider-man, or Sarah from the Last of Us. Just show them through a few flashbacks, maybe have them interact slightly at the party and you should be fine. Death of a friend is a classic motivation.
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