Just ignore this
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Thread Topic: Just ignore this
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/Chapter 9! I'm not sure if most of ya'll read chapter 8, it didn't really update. I posted it less then a day after 7. By the way, sorry about my grammer. I'm from the south and we say things different. I know what proper grammer is and I try to use it most times but I say things in my life with bad grammer and I can't help myself sometimes :)
Also someone once told me "ain't" is not a word and now I wear it out :D
Dramatic chapter. I didn't see it going like this when I started it. But I realize Katniss has a serious issue, and she needs to talk to Peeta about it more to get through it, she needs help. She's really happy to be with Peeta, but sometimes she gets real down and out and the only relief she's found so far when Peeta is not there is the blade. (look at me sounding so wise, like I actually know what I'm talking about.)
Oh and a little bit of Haymitch and Katniss... I think I love Haymitch and Katniss father-daughter fluff more then Peeta and Katniss.
My chapters are getting longer, I told you! :) I finished writing chapters 10 and 11 too, I will post 10 on Monday and 11 and Tuesday or Wedesday.
Enjoy!/
Peeta traces the scars on my wrist again on the night of Prim's birthday. I can tell he wants to talk about it again but isn't sure how to. I let out a soft giggle- Peeta Mellark at a lost for words. Never thought I'd see the day.
"What's funny?" Peeta asks.
"Just thinking," I reply.
"Me too," he mumbles, moving his fingers to drawing cirlces on my sholder.
" 'Bout what?" I ask.
He smiles. "You, like always."
I'm not sure if that is good or bad. He could be thinking wonderful thoughts about me or he could be worrying all day about if I'm going to kill myself. He only mentioned it less than a day ago, but I feel like he's known for so much longer. For the past few months, I've noticed the way his eyes flash to my shoulder for an almost unoticable second, but I see it. And not just him, Haymitch and Sae, Thom, just about everyone I see. Which isn't that many people. I don't leave the house much. I fiddle around in it most days, ironing and washing clothes, working in the membory book, making a garden, trying to find something purposeful to do. Usually about once a week I go hunting, and sometimes I go to the bakery with Peeta.
"How long have you known?" I ask.
"Known what?"
I move fingers back down to my wrist.
"Oh.. That. I've suspected it for a little while, everyone has but I didn't know until now"
"Who's everyone?" I ask.
"Mmm, Haymitch, Sae, I don't know. Mostly Haymitch."
"Are you going to tell them?"
"Not if you don't want me to."
"I don't care. I guess they deserve to know."
"Why's that?" Peeta asks.
"Because they cared enough to even think about it."
"Of course they did Katniss, they love you."
I laugh. "Haymitch loves me?"
"Like his own daughter Kat."
I think about it for awhile. I guess we are pretty close, and I guess I could say I love him. Hell, I've said that he's like a father to me, so why should it be so weird for him to see me like a daughter? The man's seen me at my most vulnerable times, and he's comforted me a few times when I cry. I enjoy his odd company. I like him alot, so yeah I guess I love him too.
"Katniss?"
"mhmm?"
"How about you come to the bakery with me more often? The customers love you, and your a pretty darn good baker-"
I cut him off. "You just want to watch me and make sure I don't kill myself or something."
"All true, but you are a good baker!"
I scoff.
"Really, you are!"
"mhmm. Fine, I'll go with you, everyday. But I don't believe you. I'll be there for you to watch me. Which I don't blame you for. I've never gone very deep yet, but you never-"
"Katniss! I don't want to image y-you hurting yourself!"
I laugh. "Okay I'll leave you out of it then."
"No Katniss. You have a serious problem, it's no laughing matter! You can't just keep doing this, making sure you don't cut too deep. You need to stop."
I frown. "Why I-it makes me feel better Peeta!"
He looks into my of grey. I can see the tears in his eyes, hearing me say that putting a knife into my on skin makes me feel better. That I'm so depressed that I turn to a knife for help.
"Sweetie, can't you hear yourself? This is a serious problem, worse then a thought. It needs to stop." -
Chapter 10
/wow, chapter 10 already. A few hours early because I'm excited :) Didn't think I'd make it to here. This chapter is just some Katniss and Haymitch fluff, Katniss telling Haymitch about her rough past. Guys, reviews are beautiful. I look so foward to reading refiews each time I post a chapter. I get super excited when I get reviews from people who have stories that I beg for the next chapter. So yeah, I love reviews. Reviews= more chapters :)
Oh and this story has over 4,000 views.
Wow.
Thank you guys :)
But the bad thing is, I get less views for each chapter. It's a depressing sight, I hope it gets better heh heh guilt trip.
Sorry, just... Chapter 10! Chapter 11 tomorrow. I'm writing the 12th now./
I stand at my sister's grave alone. It's not really a grave, more like a memorial. There wasn't enough left of the body to bury or really even identify. It's been two days since Peeta told me I had a serious problem. He's been driving me crazy, trying to get me to talk to the damn capitiol doctors watching my every move. I finally found a chance to break away and I did. The only place I thought of going was here. I've only visted it a few times, it's hard looking at the photographs and flowers of and for my baby sister.
I plop down on the ground and stare at it. I don't know exactly how long I've been here. It was around noon when I left and the sun is setting down. I'm sure he will find me before dark. He always does.
Sure enough, I hear the footsteps come up behind me. I turn around and I am surprised to see Haymitch standing there.
"I thought you'd be Peeta," I say.
"Nope, sorry to disappoint," he replies
"I'm not too much. I like you alright and Peeta's been driving me nuts. I just needed some alone time."
"I get it Sweetheart. Boys been worried sick 'bout you though. Been searching everywhere. I finally told him to calm his flour covered ass down and I'd look for you. Figured you'd be here, guess I was right."
"Well I'm fine. How did you know about this place?"
"Came by it on a morning hike."
"You take morning hikes?"
"Yes Sweetheart, I do, surprised?"
"Very."
"Alot to see in this world. I figure I won't be around in this life for much longer, so I try to enjoy it. Very beautiful sights beyond the fence of District 12. Now I understand why you risked your life everyday going over it."
I scoff. "Hardly the reason why I went over the fence everyday. Sure the woods are beautiful, and they calm me and I love them, but I went over to hunt. To feed myself and Prim since my mother didn't give a damn. Had to make it look like Mom was doing it all or they would have sent Prim and I to the community home. The children from there are so horrible looking, no hope.. I couldn't let Prim go there, they'd crush her like a bug."
"I figured you had a better reason for jumping over the fence then for the sights. Your mother didn't care if you and your sister starved?"
"When my dad died, we lost her too. She would just stare at a wall, no begging from me or Prim would "wake" her up. We were slowly and painfully starving, I was trying to sell Prim's baby clothes but no one wanted the rags. I was hoping we could make it for another month, then my 12th birthday would come and I could take tesserae. But I knew we wouldn't make it. I was walking in the rain one day and just gave up after Mrs. Mellark yelled at me for going through the trash cans. Then I heard alot of yelling from inside the bakery and Peeta came out with burnt bread. His mother told him to feed it to the pigs, because no one would buy burnt bread. He threw some to the pigs, but then without even turning to look at me he tossed some to me and went back inside. I realized later he must of burnt the bread on purpose. I tried to talk to him at school the next day but he avioded me. I saw some dandalions that day, and I realized we weren't going to starve. We could eat dandalions and Katniss roots, all sorts of stuff. And I could hunt, Dad taught me how to shoot a bow. It started slowly but eventully I could go into the woods without being scared of slight sounds. I met Gale a year or two later and we became hunting partners and friends. I guess it was more for him though."
"Wow. I never thought- I forgot how rough Seam life was," he laughs.
I laugh. "Yeah. Me too."
"I think it's about time we head home Sweetheart." -
/I'm excited to post chapter 12 tomorrow, it's my favorite so far. Enjoy this one for now!/
Chapter 11
"So, why are you annoyed with the boy?"
I sigh. Haymitch and I have been walking for about ten minutes, we'll be back home in another ten or so. I really don't want to talk anymore. Lately, sometimes I have a huge urge to speak, no matter what about, and sometimes, most times, I don't want to talk at all. Probably from those medications Peeta sneaks in my food.
Now is one of those momments.
"He's been bugging me about talking to the stupid capitol doctors, he doesn't let me out of his sight for more then a minute, well today he did clearly, and I just want out. I mean, God, I don't have that big of the problem. Even if I did the damn doctors ain't going to help me there at all."
He looks over at me but stays silent for awhile. Then he replies; "Sweetheart, I think you have a big problem."
"Yeah I do! He needs to just leave me alone about it, God-"
"No Sweetheart, you are the problem. This cutting s---. You don't even realize how bad it is. Your so used to it you think that it is natural and okay. But it's not."
He takes my left arm and rolls my sleeve up. His breath hitches when he sees the scars. Most of the scars are straight and in a row, but there are some from where I was feeling extra desperate and needed fast relief.
"Your pressing a knife into your skin for relief Katniss. It's not okay," Haymitch whispers.
He runs a finger over my freshest scars and I let out a whimper because it hurts, like alot.
He looks up at me and frowns.
"Does it hurt?"
"Yeah.." I mumble.
"When was the last time Katniss?""I-," I begin, avioding it."Katniss," he warns."Last night," I mumble.
"Last night? Where did you get a knife? Peeta said he took them all out of the house."
"Haymitch-"
"Katniss."
"Ugh, fine, in my old house it's hidden, you won't find it."
"I bet I will."
I take my arm from him, roll my sleeve down, and keep walking. It's getting late and we'd best get home before dark. Peeta's going to be pissed.
Sure enough, when we get home he starts being annoying but cute.
"Where were you?! I looked everywhere for you, I was worried sick!"
"Sorry," I mumble. I look up at his face for a minute. He doesn't too look upset anymore, but something's off. What happened in the last 5.1 seconds, I don't know. I just want out of here.
"I'm getting a shower," I say.
He nods. I look him and Haymitch over again then head up the stairs.
I get to the bathroom and run the water. I step into the hot water, and let it soak me. I wash my body with special soap for my scars. I rub the shampoo and conditioner into my hair and rinse it off. I turn the water off and step out, wrapping a towel around my body. I dry off and run a brush through my hair. I put scar cream on all of my scars. I go into the bedroom and put on a nightgown designed to look like a t-shirt. I lay myself out on the bed, my stomach against the matress, my face burried in the pillows. Peeta comes in after awhile.
"Aren't you hungry?" he asks. You haven't eaten since lunch, and you didn't eat much then."
"Nope, not at all," I say. I don't have much of an appetite lately.
He sighs. My face is still burried in the pillows as he changes into his pajamas. He lays down beside me and runs his fingers through my damp hair.
"Haymitch and I were talking-," he begins. I groan.
"Hear me out Katniss. We were thinking, maybe we should go to the capitol. We can take a little vacation, see how they've rebuilt the city. We could go see some of the doctors-"
"No. I don't care to see that city or it's stupid doctors!"
He sighs, "Katniss, you need to get better, the doctors can help you!"
"It's only been two days Peeta! I can get better without them!"
"Obviously not too well, since your still cutting. We found the knife by the way."
"Damn Haymitch!"
"Katniss, he's just trying to help you."
"He's doing a crappy job!"
"Honey calm down..." Peeta mumbles.
I sigh. He's right, I'm getting myself worked up over nothing. No, not nothing! I am not going to the capitol.
"I'm not going. You can't make me," I say
"I think I could."
"Peeta," I warn.
He laughs. But then he frowns. "Fine. We won't go. Just a suggestion. But I wish you'd at least talk to Doctor Alreisus on the phone." He picks me up and puts me on his lap and pulls the covers back. I lay my head against his chest.
"I'll try. No promises." -
Chapter 12
\The song is "I'm so lonesome I could cry" by Hank Williams. One of the saddest songs ever writen, most people hate it because of that, but I like it. This and chapter 8 and 9 are my favorites, this story is getting so dramatic. I didn't think I would or could write this dark./
I stare at the tile wall, my breathing heavy. It's been a day ago since Peeta brought up the capitol. I was doing okay, but Peeta left me alone for a few minutes to pick up some baking supplies. I don't remember exactly how I got here or what I was thinking of, all I know is I am sitting in the bathtub fully clothed with freezing cold water running on me.
I did this once or twice when I lived alone, before I found the relief in a knife. The first time I snapped of it, the second time Haymitch found me near frozen to death.
I try to think about how I got here. I was sitting on the toilet seat about five minutes after Peeta left, brushing my hair. I had the radio on, and then a really sad song started to play.
Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry
I've never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind the clouds
To hide its face and cry
Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die?
Like me, he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry
The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry
I am far from reality at the momment, drowning in a sea on loneniess. The song ends but it doesn't stop in my head. I softly sing the words over and over, losing myself more and more with each passing second.
"Katniss?" Peeta calls, from the bottom of the stairs. "Sorry I took a little longer then I said, Mr. Burdette stopped me wanting to talk, you know how-" he stops short standing at the bathroom door staring at me. I don't know how long it's been, judging by the amount of water in the tub awhile. I'm so cold that I'm numb. It feels good.
"Katniss?" Peeta asks.
I mumble out the words of the song, my head face hidden in my knees. He comes over slowly yet quickly, and shuts the water off. He gets a towel from the rack and wraps it around me. He picks me up and lifts me into his arms, cradling me close to his chest. I let out a little whimper that turns into a sob. He holds me closer and carries me into the bedroom. He pulls back the covers and lays me down on the bed and pulls them back up. He turns to leave but I grab his arm.
"I'll be back in a second Katniss," he says, taking my hand off.
He comes back with my brush from the bathroom and gets a t-shirt and running shorts from the drawer. He takes my clothes off and dries me off more with the towel. He redresses me in the fresh clothes, and brushes my hair. He puts his hand against my forehead and frowns.
"I'm going to make you soup," he says.I shake my head.
"Katniss, you need to eat something. You barely eat anything anymore."
I just shake my head again.
He sighs heavily. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
I frown. He's proably going to call a doctor or something, but he's gone before I can say anything. I'm starting to feel the cold now, and I snuggle into my blankets. I close my eyes and try to stop the tears from falling but I fail.
He proably thinks I'm crazy now, everyone does.
Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could cry
He's going to send me to the captiol, all alone too.
I've never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind the clouds
To hide its face and cry
Maybe I should go. Maybe I am crazy.
Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die?
Like me, he's lost the will to live
I'm so lonesome I could cry
I am somewhat aware when he enters the room again.
"The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I'm so lonesome I could cry" I sing quietly.
Peeta comes over to me and brushes the tears from my cheeks.
"I-I'm so sorry Peeta! Don't send me a-away!" I stutter.
"Shh, it's okay Katniss. I'm not going to send you away."
"Y-your not? W-why?"
"Because your right, we can get through this here, not in the capitol. But there's only one way we can."
"How's that?" I ask.
He smiles.
"Together." -
Chapter 13
/wow, Katniss's mood swings are crazy! One chapter sheis breaking down, the next she is happy as a seal. It's as if she was pregnant... Maybe she is!
No. She isn't. Sorry for playing with you like that XD. Enjoy chapter 13, I'm dying of fluff :)/
Two days after my breakdown, is my 18th birthday.
I wake up in my bed alone.
I get up and strech, looking out the window at the blue sky. I look over to the clock, 9:44 AM. Wow I slept the day away!
I get out of bed and get dressed. Jeans, a dress looking shirt, cowboy boots and blue jean jacket. I braid my hair and head down the stairs. I hear Peeta rusting around in the kitchen.
Leaning my head on the doorway, I smile watching him bake. His constration, so focused on the task at hand, baking.
When he moves over to the sink to wash his hands, I sneak up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. He jumps a little then lays his head on top of mine.
"Good morning," I nuzzle into his neck.
"Good morning birthday girl," he smiles and turns around facing me, picking me up and setting me on the counter. I giggle at his swift movements. I wrap my arms around his neck.
"You're happy this morning," I note.
"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be? I live with the girl of my dreams, and I get to do this every morning," he says placing his soft lips on mine. I smile into the kiss, loving his amazing way with words and... Kisses.
We pull apart after awhile, and lean our foreheads together, grinning.
"Your a damn good kisser Mellark," I tell him.
"You ain't too bad yourself Everdeen."
I connect his lips with mine again.
Peeta picks me up again, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He starts walking over to the couch and we flop down on it giggling and making out.
Then the timer starts going off.
"Peeta," I get out between kisses.
"Mhmm?"
"The timer is going off."
"Screw it."
"Peeta, we'll burn the house down."
"Worth it."
I laugh. "Peeta!"
He groans and stands up walking to the oven. "Damn cheesebuns," he mumbles.
"Hey, don't talk about cheese buns like that!" I say, standing up and going into the kitchen with him.
He laughs and I try to grab one off the tray.
He swats my hand away. "Nope!"
"Whhhhy?" I ask.
"They're very hot," he says.
I sigh. "I could handle it," I mumble.
"I'm sure you could handle it Katniss, but you won't enjoy it," he says smiling. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist groaning into his chest.
He laughs and undoes my now messy braid. He rests his chin on my head and sighs. "You know I love you right?"
"The only thing I know to be real," I say.
"Good," he says.
"I love you too. More then anything."
He smiles into my hair. "The cheese buns are cooled."
I jerk away and grab one off the tray and stuff half of it in my mouth.
He rolls his eyes and grabs my other hand, pulling me to the living room.
He sets my down on the couch and disapears somewhere. I eat the other half of the cheese bun waiting for him. He comes back and tells me to close my eyes before I get to see him.
"Don't peak," he whispers, his breath ticking my ear. I nod slowly.
He pulls me into his lap and opens my hand, putting something cold in it. "Open your eyes," he mumbles. I do and look in my hand. In it is a beautiful gold heart necklace. I smile at him and look closer at it. On it is engraved Always.
I look up at him with tears in my eyes. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss his check. I whisper "I love you" and "I love it" and "Thank you" over and over. -
Chapter 14
It's late afternoon, I lay stomach faced on the green grass and stare at the sunset. My hair is down and blowing in the wind. I had a very good birthday, Peeta made it so special, I didn't even care that my family wasn't here. Peeta is my family now.
I turn my head and look at Peeta laying on his back next to me. I grin at his adorable sleeping face.
"Hello birthday girl!"
I look up to find Haymitch closing the backyard gate and walking towards us. I smile at him.
"Hi," I say, patting my hand on the grass ushering him to sit next to me. He sighs and sits cross legged next to me. I can't help it, I laugh at how different he looks from the old passed out drunk I knew a year ago. He shots me daggers, which causes me to laugh more.
"You're in a good mood. The boy give you a real good birthday present?"
"Haymitch!" I scowl. He grins.
"Plutarth sent a gift..." he says, digging into his pocket and pulling out a wrapped tiny box and hands it to me. I slowly unwrap it and open the box. Inside is a mockingjay charm. I roll my eyes.
"Exactly what I wanted!" I say.
He chuckles. "He knows how to pick 'em."
"He certainly does," I say. I'm tempted to throw it somewhere. "Why the hell would he think I would I want that damn... reminder?"
"Don't know Sweetheart. I hope you'll like mine better," he says, handing me a bottle of white liquor with a bow tied to it.
I grin. "The good stuff," I say popping the top off and taking a small sip. That's all I can stand of that crap. I pass the bottle to him and he takes a much larger swig.
I look back to the sunset and sigh. It's almost over and it's so beautiful. A butterfly flys over and lands on my hand.
"Ain't you a regular Snow White? Hope it doesn't piss on you," says Haymitch. I roll my eyes again. The butterfly is starting to tickle, so I move my hand and it flys away.
I shake Peeta awake for the end of the sunset. His eyes flutter open and he looks at me and smiles.
"Lovey dovey b------s," Haymitch mumbles, taking another swig.
I look back up to the last of the sunset and savor it. When it's over I flip over to lay on my back because my stomach was starting to hurt. I yawn tiredly and almost drift off until Peeta shakes me and gives me his hand to help pull me up. I take it and brush the grass off my clothes when I'm up. Peeta takes my hand again and ushers Haymitch to follow and guides me into the house.
He sets me down on a kitchen chair and goes to the counter. He comes back with a cake that he sets in front of me. He places two candles on it, a 1 and a 8. Then he lights them. I raise my eyebrows at him. I've never had a birthday cake and I don't know what your supposed to... Do.
He smiles "You make a wish and blow out the candles. Then you eat the cake."
"That doesn't make much sense..." I mumble. Haymitch laughs. I must look like a idiot to them.
"Yeah it doesn't Sweetheart, but they didn't have any other ideas. They've been doing this since this hell hole was called America."
The candle wax is starting to drip on the cake so I think of a wish and blow out the candles.
"What'd you wish for?" asks Haymitch.
"She can't tell you or it won't come true!" Peeta yelps before I can get a word out.
I laugh and Peeta cuts the cake and gives us all a slice. It tastes amazing. I have a feeling I'm going to get very fat with a awesome baker boyfriend.
"So what'd you wish for?" asks Haymitch. -
Chapter 15
It is early June, and the weather is perfect.
I tread through the woods alone with my bow in my hand. My mother never called for my birthday, she didn't on Prim's either. The last time we talked was in April. That's what I get for putting too much faith in her, I suppose.
My... Mental health is better, I take some sort of medication every day and it does make me feel better I admit. One day I went into the kitchen and Peeta had put the knifes back. I kinda wish he didn't, I honestly don't trust myself or the damn medicine.
Peeta and I's relationship could not be more perfect. I wake up with kisses and smiles, he's always there... Well, for the last two days he hasn't been. I usually go to the bakery with him, but for the last two mornings he left really early. When he got home last night, he said there was a big order, and he had to be there real early every morning, and he doesn't want to wake me so early.
So I go hunting instead. I haven't shot anything today, I'm mostly just walking. I look at at the sky and decide it must be around noon. I sigh and start heading back home. I stop at where the fence used to be and pick some wild daises. When I get home I put them in a vase.
I go upstairs and change and take a shower. I get changed into a yellow sundress and leave my hair down. I put on a thin sweater, one because it's windy and can get a little chilly, two to cover the scars. The war scars on my arms aren't that visable now, but my wrists are most likely going to stay pretty scarred. I don't need the whole town to know about my "issues."
I walk through town to the bakery. I don't feel out of place, most of the women wear dresses here now in the summer. People can afford clothing that isn't grey now, and it makes the town look much happier.
I get to the bakery and the bell rings above the door when I open it. Peeta comes from around back and smiles at me. He has flour all over him and looks adorable.
"Hey flour boy," I say walking over to him.
"Hey Kitten," he smiles and kisses me. Theres no one else in the shop so it isn't awkward. "You look beautiful," he whispers running his fingers over my sweater and pulling it down a little. I roll my eyes and pull it back up.
"You realize anyone could walk in now, right?"
"So? They'd probably just take photos and put it on the front page," he says.
"What if my mother walked in?" I ask.
"Then I'd ask her a question."
"What's that?"
He avoids my eyes. "I'll tell you later," he says smiling a little. "For now I'll ask you a question. How about we go to The Meadow tonight? It's really beautiful this time of year."
"Sounds good to me," I say smiling.
"Good, I'll see you then," he grins.
////////
I lay in the meadow that afternoon, waiting for Peeta. The sun in just about to set, and I hope he gets here before then. I don't remember the last time I watched the sun set without him. I sigh as I sit up staring at the sky. I hear footsteps behind me and I turn to see a very nervous looking Peeta.
"Hi," I grin.
"Hey," he smiles nervously, taking a seat next to me staring at the sky. I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh happily.
"I love watching the sunset with you, it's my favorite part of the day," I tell him. "I know," he smiles. "That's why I wanted to ask you this here and now."
I look up at him puzzled. He takes another look at the sunset and stands up moving my head of his shoulder.
He gets down on one knee and the world stops.
/CLIFFHANGER!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD
I guess you'll know what she says tomorrow... :DDDD
I didn't want it to, but this ended up being alot like my one-shot "Peeta's Proposal" so yeah... I love reviews by the way :)/ -
(i am fine. Keep going, girl)
-
Thanks :)
I'm actually posting it here to post on another website so the author notes are odd :D -
Chapter 16
/This isn't my best written chapter..... Katniss and I's thoughts are both jumbled and crazy :D.News at the bottom of the page. I have church today so I won't post until after noon. I do still update every day in my time zone though./
Will you marry me?
Will you marry me?
Will you marry me?
The words echo through my mind. Marry? Me? One part of me wants to say yes, so, so bad. But the other half remembers my promises so many years ago. Promises of never falling in love, never marrying, never having children. I've already broken the rule of falling in love.
Now I have to decide if I should break rule number two.
I stare at Peeta for what feels like forever but isn't very long I know. My breathing slows, like my thoughts.
yes, no, yes, no, yes no
I look in his eyes. I instantly know the answer.
"Yes," I whisper. He grins wider then I thought possible. He jumps up and wraps his arms around me and kisses me more passionately then ever before. I giggle in the kiss, I know I made the right decision. He pulls away after awhile and takes my left hand. I haven't even glanced at the ring. He slides a gold band with a small diamond in the middle and even smaller diamonds around it on my ring finger. It's beautiful and simple, I love it.
We can do this. Marriage can't be much different then our lifes now, which perfect. Nothing will be different expect maybe... Children.
But we can talk about that later. Now is now, and I just got engaged to Peeta Mellark. I'm going to marry him. The man I love more then anything. I'm going to become Mrs. Katniss Mellark. I throw myself at him and we awkwardly make out. I feel like people are watching.... I pull away and look around, yet see no one.
"What's wrong?" asks Peeta.
"I feel like we're being watched..." I mumble. I look up at him and smile. "Let's continue this at home," I grin.
He grins back and wraps an arm around me and we start in the way home.
I realize there are tears on both of our faces and I let out a soft laugh. This is crazy. Three years ago I was sure I would never fall in love. Now here I am walking home with my wonderful finance. I don't think I have ever been happier. I rest my head on his shoulder snd sigh happily. As we walk through Victor's Village, I think I see Haymitch on his front porch giving us a wink but my mind is elsewhere so I don't pay much attention.
We open the front door and start making out before we even close it.
/Ughhh God, I know it's short. I spent hours writing it and I don't like it and I decided to end it there. By the way, Katniss and Peeta are still virgins! They will be until wedding night... There won't be any lemons in this story though, maybe some small mentions (already have been) but no lemons. Okay, now, the news. This story is coming to an end.
Waaaaa!!!
But wait! Theres always good news. A squeal is coming. WOOOOOO!!!!/ -
Chapter 17
/I don't know what happened. I planned for them to have a big wedding in the 20th and final chapter. Haymitch would walk her down the aisle in a beautiful white gown and mockingjays would sing.... But I was on the second paragraph like, is this going anywhere? So short engagment. Secret wedding. Instead of Haymitch walking her down the aisle adorably, they will just chat. Thank for your support guys. I am really behind on writing chapters but I want to post one everyday so they might be a little short or rushed. Chapter 20 will be the last and then I will start the squeal. I might wait until after Christmas... Lr I'll start posting and take a Christmas break for a week or something, I don't know. I think this is the longest chapter so far though. I hope it isn't so awful and unromantic. I'm really stressed so my writing skills are like ugh/
I was right, someone was watching us.
Right there smack on the front page, is a picture of Peeta on one knee and me looking shell shocked. And more photos of us making out, which should have been private.
The headline actually says Peeta Mellark proposes to Mockingjay-Too soon?
Then theres a large section dedicated to people decieding if it is true love or too soon and then a bunch of fangirling idiots saying how happy they are for us.
How should they be the judge of wheter or not it's love or too soon?
I toss the damn paper in the trash and flop on the couch, hiding my face in the pillow and groaning loudly.
Peeta comes down. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"In the trash," I mutter.
Soon after I hear him groan too. He comes over and lays his head in my lap sighing. "They just have to ruin everything, don't they?" I mumble.
"Yeah...But don't worry. They won't have any photos of the wedding," he says. Wedding.
I haven't even thought about it.
"When do you want to get married?" asks Peeta.
"Now," I say
"Now?"
"Yes now. Let's just go to the courthouse and do it."
"Like, today?"
"Yes today!" I say. I get up. "I'll go find a pretty dress and we'll drag Haymitch out of his house and sign some papers. Then we'll come home and have a toasting."
"Are you sure?" he asks.
I smile at him. "Yeah, I'm sure."
/b/b/b/b/
We sneak around the backroads of District 12 to get to the courtroom unoticed. I have no idea who the new mayor is, but hopefully he isn't a blabber mouth. I hold Peeta's hand as we walk, Haymitch is behind us grumbling about God knows what. Peeta is dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans. He tried to look nice but not too nice, because we are going to split up in a minute so he can go to the courthouse alone and unoticed. Haymitch and I will have to be a bit more sneaky, since I am wearing a sunset orange dress. It's goes just past my knees. We sent Haymitch out to buy the rings. The jeweler is good at keeping secrets.
They will find out eventually that we've married, but damn, at least they won't have pictures. I let go of Peeta's hand as we go seperate ways. He smiles at me and kisses my cheek before turning to go another route. I walk ahead, ignoring Haymitch's grumbling.
We're close to the courthouse when I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I turn to find Haymitch there. "What?" I ask flatly. He rolls his eyes. "I can't believe your actually doing this," he says.
"What, do you think it's too soon, or not real love and all that s---?" I ask.
"No. I know you two love one another. But when I met you, you didn't seem like the settle down and get married kind of girl."
"I wasn't. But we've all changed."
"I know, I know. But I honestly figured you say no."
"Why? Marriage can't be that much different from what we have now."
"I don't know. I think there is alot more f---ing."
"Haymitch!" I scowl. He laughs. "Seriously Katniss... It's different. You two will display your disgusting affections more and have children-"
"I don't see that happening."
"What? Making out in public? Sweetheart, you've already done that."
"No. Having children."
"Why not?"
"Just don't want to," I say. I can see the courthouse now.
"You don't have to be afraid anymore Katniss."
"I'll try to remember that," I mumble.
"I have a feeling the boy is going to be begging for a long while..."
"I love him, but he can't win that battle."
"Whatever you say. I'm proud of you though Sweetheart."
I turn to look at him. "Why? I'm a crazy pereon getting married. Kinda odd."
"You've changed. For the better. Happy looks good on you," he says, brushing past me and sneaking around the corner to the backdoor of the courthouse. It's marked employes only but somehow he has a key. He motions me over and pushes me inside and locks it from inside.
It's very dark in here. He takes my arm and guides me to some stairs. We go up them and then I know where we are. He pulls me over to the mayor's office. Peeta's in there waiting, looking jumpy as a grasshopper. He smiles at us. We take seats next to him and I look up the the mayor for the first time. I am surprised to find it is Thom.
"Hello Katniss!" he says cheerfully. "Peeta here tells me you two want to get married secretly but legally. Sounds romantic. And fortunately, very quick and easy."
I nod. He goes through his drawers and comes out with a bunch of paper.
"You can read this if you want. It mostly just says you agree to love him and take care and all of that stuff they say in a offical cermemony, like in the Capitol or a done up wedding here in District 12. When your ready, sign on the dotted line and kiss or something." Thom hands Peeta and I both about four sheets of paper.
I read over it and it is pretty simple. It says nothing about if I do not agree to marry Peeta, Snow will kill my family. I smile and sign the dotted line, for the final time, Katniss Everdeen.
Once Peeta signs his, we look at Thom and he tells us to kiss. We do, and it is breif to avoid too much PDOA in front of Thom and Haymitch.
"Okay great! Now Katniss, do you want to take Peeta's name?" I nod and he hands me another piece of paper to sign. I learn that this is the last time I sign Katniss Everdeen. Then he hands me another piece of paper that I have to sign Katniss Mellark on.
"They'd never get away with using all of this paper in District 13," I mutter. Peeta laughs.
"Well that's it! Congratulations," Thom grins. We smile and exit his office. "That wasn't very hard." I state. "If we'd had a big wedding, walking in the gown would be harder then that!" Peeta and Haymitch laugh and we start sneaking home.
I lean my head on my husband's shoulder as we enter Victor's Village. -
Chapter 18
/I didn't update yesterday, didn't feel like writing a chapter. 20th chapter is the last one... I think the squeal will be after Christmas because I'm doing a project with some other authors. And it is a busy time of year. Reviews make me really happy, I don't care how long they are. But it would help me finish this story more smoothly if you guys reviewed... I'm tired of writing fluff, and I don't see much darkness happening in the squeal so here is darkness because that is the world's easiest and most fun thing for me to write. R&R :)/
Peeta and I have been married for a week, it has been pure bliss. Peeta went to work today, and I was in the kitchen, getting a snack. I was reading the paper, for once it had nothing to do with us, when I just... Felt bad. I don't remember if I read something in the paper or if I was thinking of something upsetting, but my mind started to shatter. My ears were ringing and my eyes were closed.
Used to, when my ears rung, I could run a blade across my skin and be fine. But I can't do it. I want to so bad. I open my eyes and stare at the knifes. I close my eyes again, losing my mind.
I can't do this to Peeta.
But the ringing is getting louder... I need...
Luckily Peeta walks in the house then. "Honey, I'm home! I've always wanted to say that," he chuckes. I hear his heavy footsteps come to the kitchen.
"Katniss?" he mumbles. I sence him coming cloder to me. My eyes are shut tight again, I'm trying to focus on Peeta's voice but I can barely hear him with all of the ringing. I start seeing bombs falling on children, and the ringing gets louder and louder. I start whimpering random words, unable to stop.
"Katniss, honey, open your eyes," Peeta says softly. It sounds like a whisper in my head. I want to open them, to escape this nightmare, but I can't seem to move them. I know I'm "awake", why can't I "wake" up from this?
After awhile my mind slows down a little bit and I can open my eyes. I see Peeta staring at meworriedly.
"Katniss, are you okay?" he whispers, wiping tears I didn't know I had shed from my face.
"No.." I mumble. I can still hear the ringing but it has silenced a little thankfully. "What happen?" he asks. "I-I don't know," I whisper. Suddenly I'm overcome with emotions and I fall off my seat onto the floor with him. I bury my face in his chest sobbing. "It hurts," I mutter over and over.
"What hurts, darling?"
"Everything..." I moan. "My head... Ringing..."
He runs his fingers soothingly through my hair trying to calm me. It helps a little but not much. He lifts me off the ground and carries me somewhere. I cling to his shirt collar and start crying again. This isn't how our first week of marriage is supposed to be. I've ruined everything, again.
Peeta lays me down on the couch and attemps to wipe my tears away but gives up after awhile.
"I think I need to call the doctor sweetheart..."
"Nooo," I moan. The ringing had reduced to a faint sound until he suggested that. Now it's starting to rise again.
"Katniss.... We need to go to the hospital or call the doctor or something."
"Peeta..." I groan. The ringing gets louder and louder until I can no longer hear Peeta's voice, just the ringing and my groans. I feelI'm going to pass out.
And after a few seconds, I do. -
Chapter 1
The Reaping
I cut into the meat, frusterated. It is reaping day. The day where all of the children, ages 12-18 are told to stand in the square and wait for two of them, one male and one female, to be picked to die. It's the same every year, District 12 never wins. Not many people make it far. I suppose the odds are better to my favor, my name is only in there four times. I'm one of the lucky people to be born in the merchant part of District 12. My family owns the butcher shop. Even though we aren't that lucky. We still struggle with hunger like the rest of the district, but we have a better chance of surviving then the people in the seam. And we are less likely to be reaped, because most of us do not take tersare. Since my first reaping to now, only one person from the merchant section has been reaped. It was a 18 year old girl named Anna. It was her last year, her name was only in there seven times, but the odds were against her. She died in the bloodbath, like most from District 12. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. I was 13, and I still remember her every day. We weren't very close in age, but I loved her, everyone did. As a friend of course. Not many people around here think about love.
I sigh and put the knife up. It's only a few hours until reaping time so I need to get cleaned up. I take a shower, another thing us merchants are lucky to have, and get dressed in a button up white shirt and nicer then usual jeans. Not very special in the capitols eyes, but around here if I dressed like this everyday I would be considered rich. The only rich people around here are victors though, and we don't have many of those.
I wait for my mother and father to finish up, so we can go to the square together. I do not have any brothers or sisters, my parents did not want any more to worry about. I don't think they meant for me to happen.
They come down and my father hugs me. "You'll be good son. The odd are in your favor," he says, using a capitol accent for the second sentance. I laugh a little then we wipe off our smiles and we start walking towards the square.
I hug mother and father, then I go to the boys section and find my place with the 16ths. I stand with my buddy Frank Jobbs. He is also merchant but his name is in there more then mine, because he took tersare. We don't talk, theres nothing to talk about. I look around at the children in the square. The 18s looking ready to break free. The 17s crossing their fingers. The 16s looking ready to die. 16s are often picked. The 15s looking okay. The 14, 13, and 12 year olds look scared to death.
I look up when I hear Effie Trinket's annoying captiol voice speak.
"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!" I roll my eyes at her latest wardrobe choice. Bright colored dress. Bright colored awful wig. Bright colored shoes. It would be a nice color change for the District if she was not sending us to our deaths. Her outfit looks grey in our eyes, knowing how she holds our death in her hands.
"Now, Now. The time has come to pick one brave man and woman, for the... Honor of representing their District. Ladies first!" Effie says happily. She walks over to the ladies bowl and digs in her through it, then comes out with a tiny piece of paper. A tiny piece paper that holds the future for one little girl.
"Iris Oaken."
I know that name. I stare at the young 14 year old from the seam. Long dark hair, grey eyes. Looks like all of them, but she is beautiful. A beautiful girl to die. I've seen her at school, she is very quiet and timid. She now looks like she could burst into tears but she holds it back and slowly walks towards the stage.
"Hello dear!" Effie says, dragging her closer to the mic. "What was your name again darling?" she asks.
"Iris. Iris Oaken," the young girl whispers into the mic. "What a lovely name!" Effie says. "Now for the men." she walks over to the boys bowl, and digs out a name. I look at Frank and pray for his safty and mine.
Frank got his, that's for sure.
It's mine,
Cole Brooke. -
Chapter 19
/This chapter sucks because I am so emotionally trained. My favorite charater on Once Upon a Time DIED. I've been emotionally attached to that show for five years and it was like a stab to the heart. This is the chapter before the last! Can't believe I made this far... The squeal will be out next year. Please give me suggestions for a name, I will tell you the decided name on the chapter, tomorrow. I have a bunch of stuff to tell you in my last authors note. Try to enjoy and review? Pretty please witha cherry on top?
And don't critic me for my medical answer. It's fiction./
When I wake, I am in a white room. My eyes slowly open, the lights are so bright and the room smells like s---.
It hits like a freight train.
I'm going to puke.
I try to hold the bile down as I look around the room. I figure I am in a hospital. Passed out and holding my hand is Peeta. Theres a liquor bottle in another chair so I assume Haymitch left for awhile. I see a bathroom but I'm too weak to get to it. Peeta has a death grip on my hand anyway. Just as I think I'm going to barf on him, I see a small trashcan that I grab quick with my right hand. As I gag into the waste backet, I feel someone rub my back and hold my hair. I instantly know it is my husband.
When I finish, I set the trashcan back down and look up at him embrassed.
"Hi," I mutter, sighing as my head falls into the not so soft pillow.
"Hey," he says, smiling at me a little.
"Where are we?" I ask. I know there are no hospitals in District 12 as of late.
"District 4. I called the doctor after you passed out and he said to bring you to the nearest hospital. I brought Haymitch with me... Who by the way is very worried. How are you feeling?"
"Like crap," I mumble. At least the ringing has stopped.
"Can you tell me what happened love?"
"I dunno. I was just reading the paper and I just... I don't know. My ears were ringing and ugh... Now I have a headache and my stomach hurts. Mostly from the hospital smells I think."
I know my mother works at this hospital. I just hope it's so big that she doesn't know I'm here.
"The medics say you have a slight head injury, from God knows what, and you your mind was proabably hurting yet you couldn't feel it at first. So you just started thinking dark thoughts. And it lead to this..." Peeta says.
"Oh... I feel out of a tree the night before. I sure as hell feel it now."
He smiles a brushes his hand against my cheek.
"When can we go home?" I ask.
"Most likely tomorrow.The train ride is too bumpy for your head right now."
"How long have a I been asleep?"
He hesaites. "Three days..."
"Three days!" I say, jumping up.
"Hey, hey, don't overexcite yourself," he says pushing me back down on the bed.
"Are you sure it a slight head injury?" I ask as Haymitch walks in the room, looking relived that I'm awake.
"It might of been a little more then slight... Doesn't matter. Your okay now," Peeta says.
"Good morning Sweetheart," Haymitch says. "Have a good nap?"
"Not really... I think I'm going to puke again," I mutter.
Peeta frowns and wipes the sweat off my forehead. I must look like a train wreck.
"I think you should sleep," he says.
"I've slept for three days Peeta... Does my mother know I'm here?" I ask suddenly. He smiles. "Yeah, she's actually your nurse. Which speaking of, we should tell her your awake," he says, pressing the NURSE button before I can stop him. "Damn, why'd you do that?" I exclaim.
"...Sorry?"
I sigh and try to close my eyes but it hurts I just open them. As I do mother walks in the room.
"Hello Katniss," she says cheerfully.
"Aye Mama," I say not so cheerfully.
"How are you feeling?"
"Horrible."
"Okay well... Let me take your tempature."
I nod, which I wish I didn't because that hurts too. From my slight injury. She sticks a thermometer in my mouth and delcares my tempature to be 101.4, which is a little high.
I yawn suddenly tired. "Well Katniss, I think you can go home tonight. Just get some rest and I'll be back when you can leave," she says kissing my forehead. I nod and watch her leave. I frown. That was awkward. She acted like she saw me everyday.
"That was awkward," Haymitch says as if he was reading my thoughts.
"Yeah. That's mom," I mumble going back to sleep.
/C/A/T/C/H/I/N/G/T/H/E/G/I/R/L/O/N/F/I/R/E
When I wake again, mom is back and Peeta is gone. Haymitch is still there thankfully.
"So, you and Peeta got engaged?" she asks.
"Uh yeah... Married actually..." I trail off.
"You got married?" she asks. She sounds hurt. Like, sorry you hadn't called me in months so I didn't invite you to my "wedding."
"Yeah... The day after we got engaged. Just got tired of the news and decided to get married in secret."
"Oh," she says.
Haymitch just stares at us. Probably trying to figure out if that is my real mother because she is acting like just a weird nurse.
"Well, congrats. Peeta should be back soon, and then you can leave. Your already checked out. Goodbye love," she says, kissing my forehead again. I get the sudden erge the embrace her while she is bending over so I pull her into a hug. Must be my head injury.
Peeta comes back and Haymitch turns his head while Peeta helps me change. Soon we are walking to the train. I'm a little off balanced, but Peeta keeps me steady. We keep our heads down and nobody notices us. We get our tickets and get on the train. It's not too fancy, like the ones for the games. It's just a passenger train. We squeeze into a seat together and I lay my head on Peeta's arm and sigh.
Almost home. -
Chapter 20
/Thank you guys so much for sticking with me through this story. Thank you for the follows and views and reviews and favorites... Thank you for everything. The squeal will be out most likely in January, please remember about it. Right now I think I am going to call it Together, even though it is common. I'll post in the summary for this story that the squeal is up. Keep an eyes out :)
Thank you guys for supporting me all the way through my first multi chapter fanfiction. I know it was bumpy and crazy, but I hope you liked it. I'm looking foward to you guys in 2016.
Thank you, and Merry Christmas. Here is the last chapter./
Peeta stands at the stove stirring the lamb stew he has made. We left District 4 about a week ago and my very slight head injury has healed. Peeta and I have now been married for four weeks. I admit, it is not a perfect life. I'm very happy but life cannot be perfect without my sister in it. But I'm so lucky to have Peeta. I don't know why I didn't realize I loved him so long ago.
We don't do much. Peeta bakes. I hunt. Haymitch drinks. Not much has changed expect for Haymitch's new children, his geese. It's not easy to sleep with all the noise they make, but I'm glad Haymitch has found something to do besides drink.
Peeta usually goes to bakery, and I go with him three days a week. I hunt on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we stay home on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes we go to the church that they just built. District 12 did not have a church before, some were lucky to get their hands on a bible from the hob. Our lifes aren't that exciting, but we enjoy it. It's good just to be laid back after such big lifes as the mockingjay and lover boy.
The captiol has called a few times, asking when we are going to be married. We told them not for a long time. Effie Trinket called saying that she is planning our wedding. We did tell her we were married. We won't have to worry about telling the capitol. Effie will spread the news real fast.
They also called a few times to invite us to the capitol to celebrate victory day. Victory day is the day the rebellion ended, which was in November. It is barely July. I don't think I will be celebrating the time of Prim's death, anyway.
Plutarth called us, begging for a interview. I don't think it will be long before he gets his camera crew to come here. That goes to show you, this isn't exactly freedom. Peeta and I will always be stuck with the capitol.
I'm much better. Sometimes I think about how not even a year after Primrose's death, I am happy again. Sometimes that feels wrong. Sometimes I thank God and Peeta for bringing me back to life. I know Prim would have wanted me to live a happy life. And that's what we promised to those in the book.
Peeta has brought up kids once or twice. I've told him we've only been married for two weeks, and we're only 18. I'm sure he'll drag it back out at some point. I'm not exactly sure what I will tell him. Why don't I want children? The games are over. Peace has come. But I can't help but feel wrong about it all. What if I can't protect my child from harm's way? What if the games come back? I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to have children.
But despite that and everything, we are happy. We are together. And that's all that matters.
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