Story thing.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: Story thing.
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"What will is there to live?" Christian Meier, a young songwriter, threw his sheet music into the air as he slumped down into his chair. "Delia has gone from me now, and all inspiration is gone!!" The 20 year old place his head in his arms and proceeded to weep. The sounds of his sobbing echoed in the old house he had inherited from his grandparents. It was cold in the home, since it was winter and in Michigan. Snow flurries outside waltzed sadly in the air as Christian wept, the entire property tainted by a deep and profound sadness. Each tear that fell from the friendly blonde's bright blue eyes was a different note to a sad tune mimicking the voice of Christian's broken heart. Finally, the crying halted, and the usually outgoing and upbeat man dragged himself up and lifelessly glided across the cold wooden floor. Christian then left his study and entered the living room, it's comforting vintage wallpaper and warm brown carpet appearing in but a cold black and white to the man, who eventually entered the kitchen. Seemingly oblivious to everything else, Christian slowly opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out a large chef's knife. He held it in his hand and looked at himself in the shiny silver.
"How pathetic. Disgusting," thought he out loud before placing the blade to his stomach. Christian pushed the blade through his stomach and cut it wide open, causing a bloodcurdling scream and some tears to be released. Blood and guts poured from his stomach and stained the white kitchen tiles as his vision began to fade and his life began to vanish from him. He wondered as he dissolved if Delia would even care. But this thought could not be thoroughly contemplated, for he was now dead.
Idk. I don't like it myself. -
Surprisingly decent, good work.
I feel it would be better if it was less graphic though. The second half of the story doesn't mingle well with the first half. You had this whole poetic, prose laden thing going on in the beginning, and then abandoned it halfway through for a descriptive, visceral style. I'd make things a little more vague during the second half while just slathering on the prose. Stick to one style. Remember not to make it too vague though, and you should be fine.
Overall, one of the better things I've read on this site. -
Pretty nice. It's got a wide vocabulary, and, although somewhat short, it's descriptive but not too descriptive, like a certain book I know... *cough cough eragon cough cough*
Oh, and your work wasn't frowned upon from IHLAOY, so congrats! :D -
I'm very glad. ^_^
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