would you guys read my story??
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:28pm
Thread Topic: would you guys read my story??
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Okay, so it goes-
A white wolf named Kara and her three pups gather around the fire in their pack. Kara begins to tell them the story of good and evil when suddenly the evil wolf named X infinity jumps out of nowhere, kills Kara and the two pups. Only one survives and she is destined to kill X Infinity.
She forms a pack of seven called the God Pack and sets off on a journey. A few are killed in battle, blah blah blah, then her best friend is killed by X infinity.
The survivor/Eon, gets in a fight with X Infinity. While she's about to do, she sees Infinity Wolf, the God wolf of good, weak in her old form. Infinity wolf gives Eon the last of her strength and dies. Eon gets all mad at X Infinity and kills him.
Eon becomes the Infinity wolf, then I'll start the second series, when the new Infinity Wolf turns into a God to replace the old one and a new wolf is born and stuff.
sounds boring, but seriously, it's just kind of like a sketch and not the big picture. -
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Why is Eon destined to kill X Infinity?
Why did Infinity X kill Eon's family for no reason? Does he usually kill families for no reason? Was this a unique case?
Why are they gathered around a fire? Aren't they wolves? Settings with different races are always interesting, but you need to consider how things would be different if they were the dominant race.
Why is Kara telling the story about good and evil to begin with? Does she know Eon is destined to kill X Infinity? If so, why hasn't she been training Eon for the occasion?
Why a pack of seven?
Why call it the God Pack? What is the symbolism here?
Why would anyone join her pack? Aren't people scared of X Infinity? Doesn't he already kill anyone who tries to kill him? Or has no one tried? Why would anyone sane of mind try to fight a literal god? Or is X Infinity just a regular guy?
How is Eon's friend still alive? Why didn't X Infinity kill her along with the rest of the pack in the first paragraph?
How did she survive? Was it luck? (I swear, if you say some s--- like 'oh, she was protected by the god of goodness all along,' I will slap you.)
How does a god grow old?
Why does Infinity Wolf help her?
Why does Infinity Wolf give her Infinity Wolf's strength and powers?
If she still has strength and powers, why isn't Infinity Wolf fighting X Infinity?
Why does Eon get mad now? Was she not mad earlier when X Infinity killed her friends and family for no reason?
You do realize it's possible to have an emotional scene without killing anyone, right?
And that you can also have motivation, plot, characters and setting without needing to kill anyone to accomplish it, right?
Personal Opinion Warning: Unless the story you're trying to tell focuses on death as a plot point, like Apocalypse Now or Game of Thrones, you should try to keep character deaths to a minimum. It's just such a lazy, cheap way to make someone feel. You need to make the audience connect to the characters emotionally; so they feel bad when bad things happen to them; not just kill off people and go 'oh, you can feel sad now, six people just died.'
That's cheap. That takes no effort and anyone with half a brain is going to know it took no effort. A surprise death is a great plot point, but only when attached to a developed character. And a developed character shouldn't need to die to make the audience feel sad. -
well. you just put down my hopes to negative 100. arent you a little ray of sunshine ._.
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let me answer those.
because of some retarded prophecy
X infinity doesn't like defeat. He's ambitous and he's evil, so he kills. yes. yes.
because they are wolves in a humanistic way.
because all pups have a tradition.
no. because she doesn't no.
becuase they are the only ones willing to help.
becuase the god pack..blessed by the god infinity
becuase everyone who has had been killed. They want to kill him to gain power over the packs, thinking they are strong
you know what? im not really going to type this, considering you told me this- That's cheap. That takes no effort and anyone with half a brain is going to know it took no effort. A surprise death is a great plot point, but only when attached to a developed character. And a developed character shouldn't need to die to make the audience feel sad.
would you like to be told this? NO. f---ING HELL NO YOU WOULDN"T. -
calm your nipples/breats. (i dont know if you have breats yet) then,when you are done calming your chest, gandam style.
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Calm your farm, mate. No need to get so butthurt over a little criticism. You can ignore it all you want, no one here is forcing you to improve. (And for the record, yes I would like to be told that. How else do you think I learned it? Not all criticism is an attack on your person.)
Now back the questions.
Who made the prophecy?
Wouldn't an ambitious person avoid killing for no reason? Doesn't an ambitious person only do things to achieve a goal?
No objection here.
Wouldn't Eon have already heard the story before if it's a tradition in the pack?
Yes, I understand that there are only seven people willing to help, but, from a writing aspect, why seven? Is there significance to the number seven? Why write seven unique, interesting characters instead of focusing on a select few? The more characters there are, the less the audience is going to care about each one.
No objection.
Wait, so do they want to kill him for revenge, or do they want to kill him to take his place as head of the packs? -
absol, stop it XD
Infinity made the prophecy because the good in the world was dying out and if she died she would have needed a new wolf to take over, so she chose Eon.
X infinity is evil and wants to overcome good..yeah. so he has to kill whoever is a threat
the tradition is every pup before they get a rank is told the story.
7 is a lucky number :3
they want to get rid of X infinty because he is evil. They do understand not everyone's going to turn out a good wolf, but they just want to get rid of the source. They are going to kill him for revenge for making wolves turn against their own kind and stuff. -
when you start gandam styling you cant stop! >:D
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Alright, that's good, we're getting some world building done here, thinking things through, that's always good.
Couple more questions though; I'll try to avoid making them character related, as characters act however you say they do.
So wait, is the prophecy that someone will eventually replace Infinity Wolf, or that someone will eventually kill X Infinity? Because I don't see how the two are related, and your plot relies on it being the latter. (And if it's the latter, time would probably do the job just as well.)
So is X Infinity's motive that he wants to destroy all good because he's evil, or is there a proper reason for his hatred of the light?
No objection. Makes sense.
Also no objection. Good, we're getting through this.
So are all seven of them out for revenge? Or are there other motives thrown in to add to the tension? -
ihlaoy makes a good point. what are the other 6-s motives? are they all a group with some kind of.... 'grudge' against someone, or are they all like mercenaries? (hired soldiers)
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X infinity will be killed by Eon, and since the Infinity wolf gave Eon that last of her strength to give her the power to kill X infinity.
yes he has a hatred for everything I guess
yeah, all 7 are out for revenge. I'll list 7 of them I guess.
Eon- X Infinity has the followers called Black Wolves (XD im on the writers block ya know) and they set off and kill any wolf that they can reach. They killed her family and she set out to find a good pack with similar stories to kill X infinity.
Sketch- From some other pack from the woods, she was second in command in her pack. A Black Wolf was in disguise, pretending to be a pack member, planning to kill Sketch and eventually the pack leaders in order to gain control over them, getting more X Infinity followers. Sketch is a very, well, short tempered wolf and is only fighting to get her pack back.
pepper- Same as Eon's story, but the Black Wolf killed his pups
Nico- a shady wolf, formerly a Black Wolf, had found out that he had been brainwashed, blah blah blah, and didn't know he was killing wolves and their pups until he went into battle against some Pack Wolves and realized when his mother pinned him down and told him who he was. He had a grudge against X Infinity ever since.
Umber- him and Nico are brothers, so read his story, same thing.
Heather- as a pup was kidnapped by a Black Wolf, and was going to be brainwashed by X Infinity himself, when she was saved by Pepper..
Minnow- smallest, youngest one of the God Pack. Her parents were murdered before her eyes, and she ran away as fast as she could, and since it was winter, she basically ran into the icy river, broke away the ice, and got carried down the current, and was saved by Eon.
How do they get brainwashed? Well they gather all the wolves and pups they kidnapped and feed them Honey, which in my story is like a drug inside the wolf packs. They get all drowsy and sleepy, and that's when Skench, X Infinity's second in command and also Sketch's brainwashed sister, lies to them and pretty much brainwashes them into thinking that are a Black Wolf. -
oh so they moonblink them in a sorg?
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yeah, pretty much, thats where I got the idea.
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XD wow. coincident, much?
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