My Creepy pasta Series
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:27pm
Thread Topic: My Creepy pasta Series
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That Thing...Its Watching Me In My Sleep,That Ugly Thing!Im Sure Its Gonna KIll Me Soon.So I Locked Myself In A Solid Steel Room,Nothing Can Get In.OH s--- ITS OUTSIDE!!!!!!
[Loud Crash]
OH NO f--- f--- NO IT BROKE THROUH THE WALL!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
[Static Interfearance]
Hello Humans...My Name Is Zakos.from Listening to this Entry I have Complete Acess To your LIves
remember..IM Watching you.....
Sincerely,
Zakos,THe DEmon. -
Sorry but it won't scare anyone. It's too short
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IHLAOY NewbieWhy you so aggressive mate? Why you so aggressive? Why would you post it if you didn't want people to comment on it? Is it maybe because you expected people to come in droves to stroke your c--- and tell you how SUPER SPECHEL AND TALUNTED you are because you can string, let me count, 65 words together? Now, I know length is no excuse, 'knock on the door,' is a great creepypasta and it's only 17 words, but there are flaws in this you need to address.
First up is grammar. If I see a spelling mistake, or a retarded 'Spell Every Letter With A Capital Because I Am Dumbf--- The Third,' that takes me out of the story. The same goes for spelling out sounds. [Loud crash] is not scary. It's not even descriptive. It adds nothing to the story, it is a useless addition and only serves to prove how lazy you are in writing.
The next problem is context. There is a reason that all horror music starts quiet, then builds up and up and up until a climax, when the monster pops out. Or nothing pops out, the camera pans to the left, THEN the monster pops out, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, you need that buildup. We need a reason to be scared for the main character, we need a reason to fear the monster. A vague 'oh I'm watching you now, lul,' is not scary, you're just writing about Dale, my local NSA agent. (By the way Dale, exactly how much do you guys log? Because I mean, the p---ography I watch...)
The point is, without context, there's no tension. There's no immersion. There's no reason to be scared. Immersion is 70% horror. It's why Ben Drowned and Slenderman were so successful. You need to make the reader relate to your characters, and then have them face whatever cheesy monster you thought up in Church on morning while ignoring the pastor.
Finally, and this is more of a writing critique than a horror critique, your writing, pacing and characters feel really rushed and dumbed down. Trust in the reader, he's not an idiot. I could guess that Zakos was a demon without him telling me, I could tell he broke through the wall without 9 exclamation marks telling me, I could you're a s---ty author. And the only advice I can really give you to help with this is to read more books. That's it. Go away right now, pick up some Pratchet or C.S Lewis or whoever you're reading at the moment, and finish a whole page. Then ask yourself 'Why was that so much better than what I wrote?'
That's the only help I can give you.
Then, once you've done that, sit down and really think about how you can apply what you've learnt to this story, you insufferably arrogant c---. -
^f--- off its the first one I'll make more you dick!and they'll be longer.
And I Type Like This SomeTimes You Bad Review Ass Hat! -
IHLAOY NewbieThat's all well and good, but that wasn't the point I was trying to make you understand. Length is only a problem if you don't know how to write a story (after all, a story should only be as long as it needs to be,) the problem is you don't seem to have any idea on how to actually write a story; which is why I recommended reading more of them.
And Why On Earth Would Anyone Anywhere Ever Write Like A Complete And Utter Dips---? What purpose does it serve other than making you take a few extra seconds to capitalize every starting letter? What's the purpose?
Also bad (review) ass hat? Bad...ass hat? Bad-ass hat? We stetson now? -
I'd read this thread just for the review.
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^I did.
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Giggled like an idiot. That wasn't funny. ewe
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It was. Mark's immature responses and IHLAOY's total badass analysis was hilarious simply because it wasn't a 'bad review'. It was critiquing, and Mark should learn the difference and stop being a child.
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Alright, then I guess it was. .w. I under analyzed.
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Did I over analyze or just normal analyze? >3
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I think that was a good amount of analysis.
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I like analyzing. ^-^
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A good creepypasta is at least a few pages. And you have to use good grammar. Otherwise, it's a troll pasta.
What you have here is a troll pasta. -
Silent_Night NewbieA story will be a story. >.< Thats all there is to it. And if it is not "The Best Story" or "A long Story" or anything that you want it to be. Do not force the person to change it. Just be nice about it and help them out with whats wrong. Mar DID say it was GOING to be short, so if all you people had a problem with that... Why did you even look at the story in the first place? (By the way, Mark. I liked it. although, if you turned that into a more detailed longer story it could go somewhere. :) Good Job on the idea.)
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