Endless tracks
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:27pm
Thread Topic: Endless tracks
-
Endless Tracks
Prologue
A girl walked through the snow. She followed a trail of footsteps. Her head was red, her eyes were green, she had freckles and her skin was pale. Having walked for hours, everything about her seemed exhausted. She had to pull herself forward, just to gain an extra few meters. Finally, her legs buckled. She fell to the ground. She gazed up at the dark sky. Not a sun, not a moon, nor even a star. Just a thick fog consistent of ash, that kept away all the warmth, and all the light. The girl turned to her side. She saw the horizon. And just a few, of the endless footsteps, the endless tracks. -
Darn. I checked for mistakes. Her HAIR is red, not her head. Sorry people!
-
Pretty good, but why is there a comma after few in the last sentence?
And I like the simplicity of the overall prologue, it makes it more...idk, symbolic, I guess. And, I hate to sound like I'm criticizing, but try not to use a sentence just to get across what the character looks like. Maybe find a more artistic way to include that, instead of just listing out her appearance. Just a tip, you don't have to listen. Otherwise, it's good! Can't wait to see more. -
The build of the scentence was different at first, i forgot to erase the comma)
-
I like it. The description was really good. You could probably work on length and, like Lucky said, a bit more subtle ways of describing. However, I think it's amazing. ^-^ Post more soon~
-
The actual chapters will be loner Lone. It was kinda meant to be short.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
