Vengeance
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:27pm
Thread Topic: Vengeance
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Vengeance
Prologue
I ran through the woods, hurtling over and ducking under branches.Leaves crunched underneath my feet, making me aware of everything I heard behind me. I paused, but continued to hear crunching. I began to run again. I darted out of the woods onto a path. I dashed along the path, looking behind me. I halted suddenly, quickly aware of the cliff I was now standing on the edge of. I bent over and could see a wide ledge with another path not too far down and began climbing down to it. Theyd never find me here. I got down to the ledge and paused. I could no longer hear the crunching of the fire colored leaves that brightened the ground. The grass was a bright green under my feet. I sat down and rested against the cliff behind me. I didnt know why I was running, who I was, or what I was running from. But I did know one thing. I was avenging someones death. -
Sounds good.
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Thanks
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Le bump
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IHLAOY NewbieYou know, they say that the first paragraph of the first chapter of a book needs to be the best one. And I agree with that. If the first paragraph isn't interesting, then the point of the book, to entertain, has failed.
That said, this, as an opening paragraph, has failed. Now, with all respect, I could see what you were aiming for. Start the story with action, throw down some questions really early and hook the audience in, but the problem here is you've forsaken the action for prose and the questions aren't that interesting.
Instead of asking, 'who is she avenging?' I'm asking, 'who is she?' 'Why do I care about her?' 'How do I know she isn't the bad guy, hehe, that would make a good twist, god, I hope she's the bad guy?'
And the prose. Prose has no place in action! Prose and action are mortal enemies, except for when the author knows exactly what they're doing and wants to combine the slow drawl of the medium with the speed of action. Action is fast! Action is fun! Action speaks in short, five word sentences, or drags on and on, growing in tension and intensity, and grows and GROWS, gaining power from the speed and words that fuel it, until the reader is barely matching its pace, but still it goes on and on, never stopping, never slowing, the reader looks for release, for a moment to rest and gather his thoughts but NO! There is no rest in action! It must be rise, rise like the sun, until it reaches its climax! And ends.
Prose and action don't go together. -
Wow... that's more than my English teacher said.
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