DO NOT VIEW
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:26pm
Thread Topic: DO NOT VIEW
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I live for my happy delusions. So much of my plans end up falling through. I sit here and do nothing so much that I guess I keep myself sane by thinking about "perfect" moments in the future. Friends actually showing up for events. Family going one week without fighting. Acting giddy and childish with my significant other.
I work myself up so much on these hopes and dreams that I forget to give myself a reality check. I guess my worst habit is holding my breath and hoping for impractical things. And then getting emotional when something doesn't go how I imagined it.
I'm sorry. I do fear the worst in situations. I fear being ignorant and inexperienced and being alone in that aspect.
I've had people all my life looking down on me for not having the experiences they've had. Family laughing and telling me what I can and can't do without telling me why or letting me learn anything for myself. Friends mocking me because I wasn't as fluent on a subject on them.
My dream was to go to that together. To have it be both of our first times and to learn together and figure things out together. Maybe it's silly to be so scared of being the only ignorant one. To being the "virgin" of a situation.
Maybe I'm just being clingy. Maybe I'm just being selfish. Maybe I'm just putting ideas in my head that are too impractical.
In any case, I'm sorry.
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