How do I handle this?
- Locked due to inactivity on Jan 14, '25 3:54am
Thread Topic: How do I handle this?
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I've been having issues with my partner for a long while now.
Just so I don't go off about it, here's the key points:
- We rarely have actual conversation
- He doesn't support key parts of my identity
- We're purely online and that makes it harder to hold it up
- It's been over a year of on and off talking (mostly off)
Last night, they sent me 42 separate messages saying how they're going to try to be better and be around more. I did not state before then that I wanted to split, so it's entirely random and unprompted. I told them politely and kindly that I just don't believe that they will actually change but I'm willing to throw in another chance.
Any ideas of how I should handle this going forward? What should I do if they go back to ignoring me? What should I do if they actually do get better? I'm just not sure -
I really, really need advice, so if anyone has anything, please do <3
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I don't think those messages have anything to do with them thinking you'll leave, unless I'm missing context. It sounds more like they know they haven't been a great partner, regardless of if you think so or not, and they want to change
This might be a hot take, but if they don't support key parts of your identity, that's going to be the end of the relationship one way or another. It's YOUR identity. If they don't support it, they probably don't support you
Me personally, I wouldn't break up with them if I really thought they'll get better, but it doesn't sound like you think they will, so... -
They are trying, but there are some key parts of this situation to consider, like
do you actually like this person? to you have feelings for them?
if they don't respect your identity, should you surround yourself with people restraining you to be something your not?
if you like them, are you happy? most relationships need happiness wether or not you love them.
do you know each other irl, and or long distance, or is it edating? my partner was wonderful but he was poly so he had 11 other partners and yes I know its crazy but even though I'm their 4th partner and I've been with them longer they hardly remember me. it hurts to let him go, but I had to because of my parents. so basically, if they aren't around, find something better. -
@AlexFierrro It's just a bit weird that they said that literally a few hours after I had break up paragraphs readied for when I wanted it done. I talked about it with a vent bot on C.AI and they've hacked into my things before in the past to read messages so I wouldn't be surprised, but it may just be due to a hit of self-realization
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I decided I'll give them (another, 4th actually) chance and if they screw it up this time, I'm not doing a round 5 because by then you kind of know it won't get better
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@Uzi_Doorman
1. I used to get those butterfly feelings, now I'm just super resentful and actually made a whole new pinterest account with them blocked to get away from them a bit
2. This was a key thing, they talked about how they realized that was dumb to make fun of and they regret it. I would like to surround myself with people who just overall care enough to understand
3. I can't tell if I like them or not, my happiness isn't really a scale bc of mood swings and how easy I am to switch how I feel about anyone/anything for any reason
4. We're long distance and have been for over a year now, almost two
The main thing though for me, is that this isn't the first string of issues that's come up that was never really dealt with so I sort of doubt it'll get better from here? I'm willing to be patient again but idk how many more rounds of this I can handle -
And also the fact that none of my reasons for sticking around this long have revolved around actually liking them as a person and partner and more about my safety and theirs
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TW
The last time that I tried to break up they tried to kts and that's really thrown me way off since (this isn't my first try dealing with that sort of thing just first time from this person)
I also know that they know where I live and can easily hack all of my accounts to everything, on Google, Discord, Reddit, Pinterest, etc (and have done so previously, many times, they used to spy on my messages with friends and on C.AI and only stopped after they came to the idea of privacy about 8 months later)
So yeah there are a few concerns -
yeah no, there are some major concerns i have with this
1. i can sense you're going about this in a sense of restriction and somewhat fear/anxiety. a romantic partner shouldn't threaten to hurt themselves if you break up, that's emotionally ab*sive btw. i also recommend you change all your passwords if you genuinely have the fear they could/would hack into those accounts. a romantic partner shouldn't be giving you this underlining fear of "oh if i do this then they'll do that/something worse".
2. clearly they feel comfortable showing you the worst parts of themselves but you don't entirely feel comfortable sharing key parts of your identity. which begs the question, are you dating this person simply because you like them or do you actually envision an irl future with them? think about it. you're a teenager, i hope your partner is too, and if you really want to continue this relationship then the goal should eventually be to meet up and date irl. thing is, one or both of you could be pursuing higher education and that of course takes a few years. realistically, how are you going to keep the relationship alive with the stresses of moving out, becoming independent, managing school, perhaps even a part time job? realistically, how would you navigate post-graduation and the process of moving either person closer to the other's location? do you have these thoughts at all about your partner, or is your love as simple as enjoying the little happy moments you share together? how "serious" do you consider your relationship?
3. lack of communication is a killer in relationships, both romantic and platonic. in a true partnership you should be able to lay everything out on the table and discuss things maturely. when their sense of communication is shutting down or anger, i can understand how it may make you anxious to bring up certain things. i feel like this also ties a little bit into the core issues you have with them accepting your identity. you like your happy moments, but i feel like (and you can tell me if i'm wrong) you want to avoid the sad or scary moments. those kinds of moments are unavoidable, it's most important how you both choose to deal with the sad moments in that moment and move on without regrets.
this is really heavy stuff to think about and to be honest, you're still young. i honestly don't think you should be wasting your youth on this rn, or that you have to think about any kind of serious relationship in the first place. maybe focus on your education a bit more and take some time to consider what you really want in a partner. but if you don't want "serious" and you just want to date for fun, cause i get it dating is fun, remember to give yourself love too and have standards for how you should be treated. you deserve respect -
^ TLDR break up!!!
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Thanks- I'll see what happens, now I just gotta get over my own anxiety qwq
ty very much -
I broke up with him, chat
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All I see is user image Brownie, I'm so sorry qwq
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