Are You Singaporean Enough?

How Singaporean do you think you are? Are you Singaporean enough? This is a test of knowledge to determine how Singaporean you are! Answer a series of questions that will tell you how Singaporean you are!

You love Chicken Rice don't you! And Durians, even though they aren't allowed on public transport lest our first world image be tarnished! And you avoid Priority Seats like the plague!

Created by: Singaporean

You are driving in a neighbourhood (for example, Toa Payoh Lorong 5). Someone stands by the roadside waiting to cross the road. He has seen your car approaching from a distance. You -
- Speed up to discourage him from crossing.
- Slow down as a precaution. You are now so excruciatingly slow that he starts stamping his foot impatiently while waiting for you to crawl past him so he can cross.
- Blast your horn to remind him that road safety is very important and if you hadn't noticed him 20 seconds after he noticed you, he would be dead already.
- Stop and wave him across.
You are driving on the expressway. Six car lengths ahead of you, a vehicle swiftly filters into your lane. You -
- Blast your horn to remind the driver that road safety is paramount and he should always signal before he filters, just like you don't
- Blast your horn to remind the driver that six car lengths is insufficient for safe filtering, and that you only kept all that space in front of you because you are very concerned about road safety
- Slam your foot on the throttle, slow down right behind the driver, and blast your horn, because you have to demonstrate how dangerous it is to filter into your lane when you could have closed that distance in an instant
- Continue driving, unperturbed
Your friend and you are walking side by side on a pavement. A woman walks towards you from the opposite direction. You -
- Continue blocking up the entire pavement and chatting with your friend/playing with your phone, forcing the woman to step onto the grass just to pass you.
- Keep to one side, just like your friend. You keep to the right and your friend keeps to the left.
- Keep to the left, just like your friend does. It is common sense after all - you keep to the left while driving, and you keep to the left on the escalator.
- Pretend you don't see her, forcing her to step onto the grass.
You plan to take the MRT. At the gantry, you realize that you have forgotten to prepare your EZ-Link Card. You -
- Stand in front of the gantry and fumble about in your bag or handbag while a queue forms behind you.
- Move aside and let the people behind you pass through.
You are at an event. Someone (either a fellow Singaporean or a foreigner, it doesn't matter) suggests that a certain aspect of Singapore or Singaporeans isn't that great after all. You -
- Tell him that every country has problems
- Tell him that everyone is just as bad and no one is innocent
- Tell him that his country isn't that great either and proceed to elaborate with selected examples from local media
- Tell him that it's just a minority of Singaporeans
- Tell him that the media is biased
- Look for a minor discrepancy in his argument (that doesn't affect the argument as a whole) and discredit the entire argument based on that minor discrepancy, and pat yourself on the back for being so clever
- Tell him that things were better a decade or two ago, but seem to be getting worse and worse (because the only meaningful basis for comparison is how your country used to be run)
- Laugh it off and join in
You are having a conversation. Someone tells you that rampant and unnecessary consumerism is harming the environment, because that new phone or laptop or IT product or electric appliance you upgraded to means that more rare earth minerals will have to be mined out of third world countries, destroying whole ecosystems and accelerating the extinction of rare species. You point out that -
- The government (of the third world country) should do something about it
- The relevant global authorities should do something about it
- The Americans should do something about it
- You should do something about it but you are an awful human being and can't help it sometimes
- Everyone is doing the same thing you do
- Consumerism is a noble act, as you have just created hundreds of jobs for the poorest and most vulnerable third world citizens who would otherwise have no way to make a living.
- It is necessary to "futureproof" your IT products or a technological singularity will occur and your house will collapse into one massive black hole of obsolescence
- You worked hard and earned that money so why shouldn't you be allowed to spend it as you please
You are having a very prosaic conversation with some acquaintances about some very prosaic topics of great import to the global economy. You explain that it is -
- Demand and Supply, because it makes you sound smart
- Supply and Demand, because it makes you sound smart
- Economics 101, because it makes you sound smart
- A very complicated matter, because it makes you sound balanced (and smart)
- Not black and white, because it makes you sound balanced (and smart)
- Important to take an objective view of things (before delivering the most subjective, ill-informed arguments known to man), because it makes you sound balanced (and smart)
- Important to take a personal stand (even if your government is unable to for political reasons), because you have principles, and sometimes things are just right or wrong
You are doing a work presentation/having a conversation at Starbucks with your friends. You -
- Wave your hands about empathetically corporate American style because it means you are "engaging the audience"
- Use 20 more sentences than are necessary, and repeat your sentences every third sentence for emphasis
- Begin every 2nd sentence with basically or technically to show that you understand everything on a basic and technical level
- Stare intensely into the eyes of your friends or colleagues and nod your head vigorously at every word they say
- Talk about very prosaic things, because conversations are merely a vehicle to showcase your staggering intellect. God forbid you ever lose your focus on bread-and-butter issues and delve into hypotheticals or flights of fantasy, because that would be harmful to the nation's GDP.
- Just speak like a normal f---ing human being
You and your fellow senior managers attend a meeting. A junior executive in your company or statutory board is presenting some data and diagrams. You -
- Ask a lot of rhetorical questions to show that you have given his ideas a lot of thought
- Challenge the veracity of his data and diagrams, because it makes you look sharp (and smart)
- Question the presenter's commitment to the project and double down on your criticism if the presenter somehow manages to provide an adequate explanation to your unbridled attacks on his data and diagrams
- Smile and encourage the presenter with positive feedback (even if he screws up somewhere)
You spot a minor irregularity in suburban utopia. You ask -
- Why isn't the government doing anything about it?
- Why isn't the statutory board doing anything about it?
- Why isn't the town council doing anything about it?
- Why am I not doing anything about it?
- Does something REALLY need to be done about it?
You are a middle-aged or old person. You need some help locating a place. You -
- Ask the first person who walks past because your first impulse is to always ask for help
- Ask the next person who walks past because your second impulse is to always ask for help
- Look around and ask someone who looks friendly because your third impulse is to always ask for help
- Don't bother with Google Maps because technology is confusing even after those 2000 digital ambassadors the government hired and 300 courses the government organized at the local community centre just for you
- Try to figure out your way to the location with the help of street signs and landmarks
You read an article about a Singaporean (or someone born in Singapore) playing a minor role in a west end play or tv serial or doing well in a TV quiz show. You -
- Leave a facebook comment - "Well done for doing Singapore proud!" because you love to celebrate the achievements of others like they were your own
- Realize that the person's success had little or nothing to do with the fact that she is or was Singaporean and she doesn't represent Singapore or identify as Singaporean, and move on
You are a Singaporean who is very concerned about the environment. You -
- Curtail your consumer spending, because irresponsible consumerism encourages corporate malfeasance in other countries
- Order Grabfood from the McD or kopitiam which is 5 minutes' walk away, because your time is very "precious"
- Virtue signal on that facebook post about how concerned you are about environmental responsibility
- Figure out which global conglomerate owns the company that produces the product you use on a regular basis, and check if they are "green-certified" and "committed to corporate environmental and social responsibility", and continue buying the product, all while shrugging off the numerous reports from independent media about how they are depositing lead in rivers and denying clean water to poor people in developing AND developed countries.
- Figure out which global conglomerate owns the company that produces the product you use on a regular basis, do some research on whether they are contributing to the depletion of rainforests / poor working conditions in other countries / dodging tax / making campaign contributions to political parties with known racist agendas, and make an active effort to use the product as little as possible.
- Select "I care about the environment" in that Milieu survey
- Have cartons of bottled water regularly delivered to your house or government organization, because more plastic never did the environment any harm
- Wait for the government to tell you how to express your concerns, because they were the ones who told you to be concerned in the first place
You are a upper-middle class Singaporean. You spot a cleaner. You -
- Consider that perhaps our clean and green reputation isn't all that deserved
- Lament the fact that old people in other developed countries develop hobbies and relationships with other old people, while work is the only thing that defines our lives and gives it meaning (not to mention how Singaporeans cannot exist as autonomous entities without the Government telling them what to do), which is why the government has to create so many ambassador and usher jobs.
- Wonder if it is even necessary to clean that many times a day and whether our GDP will plummet to zero without the economic stimulus to all the cleaning and facilities SMEs
- Remark that these cleaners are richer than they look and are only working for fun
You are a highly-talented scholar-bureaucrat who wants to cultivate a sense of community in the erm, local community. You -
- Commission different designs for street signs and drainage covers in different neighbourhoods, because unique architecture gives a place character and people a sense of belonging
- Commission different color schemes for housing, overhead bridges, road dividers, and other street infrastructure in different neighbourhoods, because unique architecture gives a place character and people a sense of belonging
- Get the local community to rally around certain things they can identify with in their neighbourhoods, like a local food stall or piece of architecture
- Get the local community to rally around the local football team in their neighbourhoods, just like how the local Bruneians rally around Brunei DPMM and the Sailors of Lion City rally around Lion City Sailors
- Ask the PA and RC to come up with another 200 excursions and events so the PA and RC members who show up can rally around the local MP who bothers to show up
- Throw money at an ad agency to run a marketing campaign for everyone to know how successful you are at cultivating community spirit
- Commission temporary comic strips and "did you know" signboards relating the "rich culture and history" of each neighbourhood and position these at MRT stations and "strategic" locations around the neighbourhood, even though each neighbourhood is indistinguishable from the next and there is nothing left of the old neighbourhood to relate to
You are a highly-talented scholar-bureaucrat who needs more money-burning, self-aggrandizing, short-lived projects to add value to your portfolio before you are parachuted off to the next one. You -
- Give in to a few impassioned nutters and enforce cat regulations, have a faux debate in the papers about the virtues of the regulations, single out instances where cat breeders have gone wild, all while ignoring the adverse impact on the communities that have organically sprung up to cater for the needs of communal cats at HDB void decks.
- Propose that bicycles be licensed, and sound out the public by commissioning online surveys
- Propose that NE tours be organized for both late-stage NS reservists and primary schoolchildren with no difference in content
- Look for some organically sprung up social movement (yes, they exist) to piggyback on
- Ask your overworked rank and file to come up with more ideas to educate the public on the importance of safeguarding their Mental Health
- Fund more heavily subsidized MICE events to "put Singapore on the map", so rich and successful foreigners can fly over to SG and leave massive carbon footprints
- Show you are serious about innovation by throwing more money at foreign entrepreneurs to set up shop here and come up with another 200 meat alternatives for the European and American market or 300 AI and Eco projects that will never catch on
- Come up with a nationwide campaign to discourage car owners from driving and have a no car day every month to get the car-driving public used to the idea of taking public transport, since cars in any way, shape, or form contribute to environmental pollution.
You are a Singaporean Chinese person. Your favorite animals are -
- Horses, because they show how virile you are
- Dragons, because they show how virile you are
- Tigers, because they show how virile you are
- Donkeys, because they are nice and friendly and lovable and intelligent and sort of sad
You are a Singaporean with a sense of humour. You laugh at -
- Mean-spirited putdowns, because they make you feel superior
- Yourself
You are a Singaporean. You are proud of -
- Your world-class public transport system used mainly by foreigners and poor people (because the middle and upper classes have thoroughly convinced themselves that cars are an absolute necessity)
- Your law and order, because SPF is so capable that the WE NEED YOUR HELP notice boards at bus stations no longer have unsolved crimes and missing people like they used to, not to mention their 100% crime-solving rate and 0% error of margin - no one innocent ever gets convicted (apart from that one Indian fella JBJ saved from certain death), which is why the death penalty isn't an issue here
- A clean and green environment (so clean that the government had to make it mandatory for everyone to return their trays, not to mention all the cleaners employed by the multi-million dollar cleaning industry)
- The number of insurance agents and financial planners per capita (highest in the world!)
- The number of property agents per capita (highest in the world!)
- The number of tuition teachers per capita (highest in the world!)
- How other developed cities are faltering by trying to reduce the number of cars on their roads, while you celebrate your success by doing nothing to reduce the number of cars on your roads
- The Food
Someone creates a disparaging survey about Singaporeans online. You -
- Are infuriated because this person clearly hasn't spent enough time living in Singapore or he would have noticed all the positive things that Singapore has to offer (refer to previous question)
- Laugh about it because you do not have a fragile ego, siege mentality, and an inflated sense of self-worth

Are You Singaporean Enough?

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