Your Strange Life at Hogwarts (Part 4) | Comments

I second everything music said. In the UK, where Harry Potter is of course set, mobile phones were only used by 7% of the population until 1995. I too really enjoyed the mystery around Hermione, and the scene with Snape made me laugh... I'm strange like that. :)

And absolutely. Keep writing. If you just skim through my quizzes, you can see how drastically my writing has changed. I started my HLS back in August 2012, and now, two years later, my writing is far better than it was when I started out. The same can be said for nearly any young writer who comes into this world of story-telling!!

Xx

Pardon my laziness, but I'm just going to make one comment for all four parts. Before I make you slog through my suggestions, I'll start on a positive note. I thought it was pretty good! As fan fictions go, this was more well-written than most. Now on to some advice.

First, dialogue. While I was reading, I had trouble reading the conversations as if someone were speaking them aloud. There wasn't anything glaringly wrong with your grammar; it was just a matter of flow. Try reading the sentences aloud to see if they sound normal.

Second, characterization. I think this one goes hand in hand with dialogue for the most part. Some of the sentences did not sound like the Snape/George/etc I know. Even if you're trying to write them in a new light, make sure they still stay true to Rowling's originals.

Lastl y, historical accuracy. This is really just a pet peeve of mine, so it's really not a big deal in fan fiction. Rowling's novels took place from 1991-1998. Cell phones really weren't widespread and the first text wasn't sent till the December of 1992. Again, I'm just a bit picky like that. :)

Other than that, I think your story is creative, suspenseful, and improving with every edition. Some of my favorite aspects: your attention to detail, the mystery around Hermione, and (though I did criticize it somewhat) the scene with Snape. The best advice I have in my small arsenal is to keep writing. You'll be amazed at how much you improve within just a few months.

Okay, I'll take it.
This was really awesome!

And as of electric shocks, me thinks Voldemort killed Blackwell's parents too. So they have some sort of energy which is different from each other. Maybe, Blackwells were a Voldemort supporter and later when they had refused to provide him services such as not telling Potters location, Voldemort killed them. Some sort of deep magic protected Blackwell, the opposite of Harry, and when these come in near contact, they rebel.

How's that?