Will you like the story I'm writing?

Hi peeps! Zosonils again. Yep, the Master Of Sonic Related Stuff. I'm working on a story saga, and you can help. Read the preview of Part 1, listed here, and rate based on how much you liked it!

I have a few requirements. First, don't rate based on spelling, grammar, etc. because it's the STORY I'm trying to get marked on. Second, no being mean and/or snarky in comments and similar. And third, have a great time reading my stuff! Enjoy!

Created by: Zosonils
  1. Okay, this is the first two chapters of a story I'm writing. It's called Evolvanoid Adventure part one and if you liked it, please rate high. First off, do you like action and adventure?
  2. Chapter 1: The Sprocket Galaxy
  3. In a distant galaxy lies a group of planets. Yes, these planets could be anywhere in any galaxy. But these planets are special - they harbour life! Every single one! And the story of a particular group of life forms is to be told today, so that you can hear tales of this world (FYI, it's called the Sprocket Galaxy) and be taken in by the mysterious lands. And first, let's meet the two 'main characters' in this story.
  4. Introducing Evolva and Evolvette.
  5. Both are of a species known as Evolvanoids - a unique creature able to take the form and powers of another creature's arms, legs, mouth, eyes... everything really. Evolva and Evolvette happen to be twin brother and sister, and extremely close. With no other siblings, their father long dead, and their mother having disappeared, they have never left each other. Both have also changed and adapted almost the exact same way - their bond truly is close. Evolva and Evolvette are the two creatures who will take you on an adventure through the Sprocket Galaxy - Evolva in particular.
  6. Let's start with a description of their home planet, the one known as Greblurth. *ahem* Greblurth is the most incredible planet in the Sprocket Galaxy you could hope to live on. With a vast number of species, all with unique colours, shapes and abilities, it would be an understatement even to say it's very populated. It has a warm ecosystem and hosts a few of the most well-known creatures, such as Wheelpins, Femma, and, naturally, Evolvanoids. Evolva and Evolvette live on the continent Dinsolam, slightly like our Australia. But it's not hot and dry - more forest and jungle, really. Other continents on Greblurth include the icy Pola, cold but somewhat populated, the war-torn Zarius, dry and dusty with danger all around, the forested Jungleride, with a tropical air and no lack of trees (or anything else really), and the popular Acerma, with the simple beginnings of a civilisation. All these are part of Greblurth, and all are what makes the planet so especially unique.
  7. Obviously Greblurth sounds like a dream come true of a planet. And it is, I'm not saying it isn't. That would make me a massive liar. But that's only one planet we've looked at. I'm not gonna be too much of a spoiler, it wrecks the fun, but other planets in this galaxy are not quite so sunshine lollipops and rainbows everything. A mysterious creature has been sneaking around - and by 'around' I mean 'all over every single goddam planet'. With three red, demonic eyes, two unbelievably huge arms, a mouth with in it teeth the size of books (without any pictures in them) coated in a green slimy substance, and masses of disgusting, oily black, green spotted, purple sliming tentacles it creeps around on, this thing is something you sure don't wanna run into at night in a darkened alleyway.
  8. With no known history, this enigma thing is know simply as 'Alien' to the inhabitants of Greblurth and the rest of the galaxy. And everywhere this Alien thing goes, the place changes and morphs. A planet could be forest, forest, everywhere. But if Alien visited, everything it touched would change: the trees would die and shrivel on the spot, the grass would dry up and go brown, and the native creatures would also change. The devastating way the creatures are morphed and killed off is known, as simply as Alien is known, as the Sickness. When a poor, innocent creature is somehow infected, it becomes horribly deformed. I'll explain - but skip the next part if you have a weak stomach...
  9. The five stages of the Sickness
  10. 1. The creature is infected. They begin to feel a massive increase or decline in social activity. 2. The creature's eyes change colour, usually to red (but if the eyes are usually red they become purely black). Their body parts also begin to change size a little. 3. The creature begins to sprout tentacles. These are blacker than coal, oozing with purple slime, and dotted with green lumps that occasionally fall off. At this point, the Sickness is obvious. 4. The creature starts going insane. This is the kinda creepy bit. If it is a carnivore, it tends to start attempting to knock fruit out of trees. Herbivores, on the other hand, become aggressive and pick fights, trying to get meat. 5. The creature vanishes. As in, totally disappears. The only evidence left is one single tentacle - coal-black, oozing purple slime and covered with green lumps.
  11. That's exactly what happens, period. Many a species has been affected by the Sickness, the list growing each day. And this mysterious blight is spreading throughout this story, creeping across this faraway world. And now, back to our main characters, Evolva and Evolvette. Betcha thought I forgot! The pair are best friends, and will literally do anything at all for each other. And, according to the incredible journey taken by Evolva, this includes going where nobody else would dare travel, meeting new friends and new enemies, adapting to endless environments, and saving the entire galaxy from a merciless disease! Evolvette was a near-victim of the Sickness. And Evolva risked everything to save her. How exactly did this start? Don't ask. Just read the next chapter...
  12. Chapter 2: Tragedy
  13. "C'mon, Evolvette!" Evolva called happily, as he and his sister raced acros the grassy, open plains area of Dinsolam. The two ran as fast as their four legs could carry them, practically flying over the long, lush, emerald green grass. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" laughed Evolvette. Her legs moved so fast they were little more than a pink and violet blur. It wasn't long before she had caught up with Evolva, adjusting her speed to keep in line with her twin brother. Soon enough, the pair could run no longer, and collapsed on the grass near a wild Happy Apple tree. They reached up to grab the sweet, juicy, orange fruit growing amongst the leaves. As they lay happily, chewing the delicious fruit in blissful silence, neither could imagine the soon-to-come crisis that was barely a step away from befalling them.
  14. "Happy Apples are the best," smiled Evolva, as he took another bite of the one he held in his three-fingered hand. "Agreed," Evolvette replied, as she swallowed a piece of her own. The orange skin peeled off to reveal the white flesh underneath. But as they sat innocently, immersed in the fruit's sweet taste, an anonymous third party was watching them from high above the luscious green plains. Only this creature knew of the events to follow. In the dark of its menacing spaceship, its red eyes glinted as a coal-black tentacle slid out to the controls.
  15. Evolva and Evolvette dug a hole, having finished the Happy Apples. Evolva took the cores and placed them in the hole. The pair then began filling in the hole. "Y'know, the smart dudes over in Acerma reckon we gotta be really careful about where we leave our rubbish, or Greblurth will just become Banasic mark II," Evolva said to his sister. "Huh?" asked Evolvette. "Banasic was mucked up by rubbish? I thought it was that creepy thing in a..."
  16. Evolvette never finished her sentence, as a spaceship blacker than ink suddenly floated silently above them, casting a shadow across the twins. Evolva and Evolvette looked into each other's eyes, thinking the exact same word. "SPACESHIP!!!!!!!!!!!"
  17. They both shrieked loudly and ran. Their energy rushed back in a wave, as they took off like a couple of maniacs who had nicked jet packs. Nothing was on their minds but running away from the danger hot on their tails. Evolva's legs were simply a blue and yellow mess, his heart visibly thumping with terror. Evolvette ran faster than she had ever thought she could, her breathing shallow and fast. If you or I had actually been there, all you would have seen was a pair of blurs followed by a black ship, one blur blue and yellow and the other pink and violet. As the spaceship flew on, a yellow, UFO-style beam of light descended from its core.
  18. As the beam hit bushes and loose twigs, anything it touched flew up into the spaceship. Shrubs were pulled upwards, roots and all, with flecks of soil following. A lone insect passing by was yanked up into the black mouth of terror. Evolva and Evolvette knew that if they didn't keep running, they would be next. And so they raced on, shouting in terror, for what seemed like hours, days, an eternity...
  19. Evolva and Evolvette ran on, sweating fit to bust and shouting in terror all the way. They raced behind a group of trees, catching their breath for a split second, before shooting off again at top speed. The ship above suddenly stepped on the gas. Evolva and Evolvette kept on running, hot and sweaty, breath wheezing, hearts pounding like bongo drums, their energy nearly gone completely, feeling sure they were about to either die on the spot or be sucked up by the ever-present, merciless black spaceship - and then disaster struck.
  20. Evolvette tripped!
  21. The next melodramatic seconds were a blur. Evolva hung back,not willing to leave his sister, but the hungry beam had no mercy. It focused slowly on the two of them, like a straw the size of a tree trunk. Evolvette nearly fainted with shock. They ran once more. Evolva's legs moved like greased lightning (not sure how they grease lightning, but hey), his feet pounding... Finally he escaped the beam's wrath, falling over on the grass. Evolvette, unfortunately, had no such luck. Her claws shot out with a slight *phut*, digging into the soil, six long, deep trenches being scraped into the ground. Evolva could only watch helplessly. Evolvette held on as hard as she could, her back legs rendered useless. But try as she did, it was all in vain. Her claws lost hold and she shot up into the black spaceship's mysterious interior.
  22. "EVOLVA!!!!!!!!!!!" Evolvette yelled, as she inevitably flew upwards. "EVOLVETTE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Evolva shouted back. But shouting wouldn't help anything now. One last terrified look on Evolvette's face, the ship flew off and she was gone.
  23. To be continued. Rate high if you liked and low if you hated! Don't be afraid to rate low, don't leave unkind comments unless you have to, and get ready for Evolvanoid Adventure: Part 1 coming soon-ish!

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