Surrender Part 2 | Comments

omfg why did GTQ delete my comment. Now I will have to write a shorter one haha. Okay loved the new girl too. She's a bit unappreciative in a way but it's so sad how Stephanie bullied her. I would love to have a younger sister so we could go shopping and play dressup. Normally I don't like little kids though. Not that Kat is little but she's super awesome. I have no idea but I would be spraying my strawberry perfume at that centipede. Poor Frankie.

It could be improved if it was slowed down. It's a bit fast paced and so many things are happening it's a bit hard to digest. Maybe the characters could be more well rounded (terrible grammar) and you could do that by writing more about their personality, looks and their character quirks. That's what makes them so special. But you did better than I could have ever dreamed of when I first started so totes to you. Yay my strawberries are done freezing in the fridge. I can't stand mushy warm food. Especially pudding *shivers*

Blow Me One Last Kiss is stuck in my head. Especially the "I've had a 'bad' day" part. I've had a terrible week excuse me but where's my song. But I'm not stressed. I'm chill as a pickle. Whoa the fountain is making leaky noises DUCK FOR THE TREES. Haha hats off to you too.

DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE HOLY MACCAS DRIVE. Did you know in Australia, McDonald's are called Macca's? SO awesome. Just like this part. I so want a new sibling. Someone younger than me like a girl or a boy. If it was a girl I would love playing dressup and go shopping with her. Like your own little doll. And it would be so adorable if she goes to me for boy help. But I normally can't stand being around little kids though. The new girl seems pretty awesome but I'm not liking her attitude very much. If I was the adopted sibling, I would be gracious instead of saying the parents suck since they're putting the roof over my heads. But different people different ways. I don't mind.

Jared? A soul? What does he like go into people and be their souls for an hour lol I have no idea. I feel that there's going to be more guys and I is excited. Mr. Laroux reminds me of those super tight jeans wearing strippers with a whip or something sorry not sorry.

Though one thing that could have made it better is that the story line is a bit rushed. I think it's just me but normally, I enjoy things that are a bit stretched out so I have time to think. Like soooo many things happened in this part and it's a bit overwhelming sometimes. Maybe the characters could be more well rounded (better detail in their personality, looks and their special quirks) and the paragraphs could be split evenly as to fill in the extra questions. I shouldn't be complaining since I could have never ever do something this good back then. THIS JUST SAYS YOURE GONNA BE THE BEST.

Blow Me One Last Kiss by PINK is stuck in my head. Especially the "I've had a 'bad' day". I've had a bad week excuse me where's my song. But the weird thing is I'm not stressed. I'm chill as a pickle.

This was really good! Keep it up!