Insiders Know It All | Comments

I'm interested to know what happens with this story, and I will definitely try to keep up with it! ;)

However, I thought that you could have added a little more description and dialogue. Dialogue adds a sense of reality to the story, and description creates that 'pretty picture' that your mind makes up. Descriptions become more natural as you write more, so just keep practising.

Ther e were a few grammar mistakes, usually regarding apostrophe's, but that's not the end of the world by any means. A quick proof-read would soon fix that.

I would have loved to see a little more characterisation too, rather than just names. So far, I don't know what they look like, or much about their personality. Just spend a paragraph or two talking about their appearances, and add in their traits as you go along with the story and plot.

So far so good, just try to add in a few of the above! XD Great start though! xoxoxoxo