I'm Worrying Myself Lately
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:18pm
Thread Topic: I'm Worrying Myself Lately
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As all of you probably know, my aunt and uncle are getting a divorce. My aunt asked for the divorce out of the blue, but it seems as though she just can't let the marriage die without a fight. She's gotten her parents involved and they've been bashing my uncle and harassing him. It doesn't bother Brian, he can take it. It's my cousin, Valerie, that I'm worried about. She's been cutting and her grandparents haven't acknowledged the problem. Instead, they've been bashing her as well.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Saturday is your mother's day to have you!"
"You're a disgrace to this family."
It was hard enough seeing her scars... I walked in on her in the bathroom and found her standing by the sink. She was holding my razor and staring at her wrist. It hurts me so much to see her like this. She was once so happy and chipper and content. Now her life is falling around her in pieces. It's a mess, this situation. My uncle just found out that my aunt had had a boyfriend for the past five years out of their seventeen years of marriage. He didn't know she was unhappy; she covered it up so well.
Yesterday, I got a call from her mother. Karen and I used to be close, like best friends. I wasn't expecting much, seeing as how she acted earlier. I got hollered at and called various names that I can't repeat. I still haven't told anyone about this.
Everyone's throwing these 'compliments' at me, though I'm confused as to whether they are compliments or not.
"Alana, you've lost a lot of weight!"
"Alana, you look so AMAZING with makeup on! Why don't you wear it more often!"
"Don't eat so much, you'll get fatter."
My own family seems to be degrading me lately, household members not included. They can't just let me lead my own life. They have to sprinkle in these things that they deem kind words. I see them as insults. I've never been secure at all, and they're not exactly helping at this point. When I got home yesterday from dropping Valerie off with her dad, I kept picturing the scenario of cutting myself. I keep envisioning the straight cut, the drops of blood oozing to the surface. I kept wondering how it would feel; would it make anything better?
There's so much more going on that I can't state on here. You don't know half the story. I'm not just some emotional freak who wants to experiment a bit. I feel like if I let me guard down I could do something to myself that I'll regret.
If I say I'm here, but then drop out of a conversation... This is why. I'm sorry if I'm disappointing any of you in any way. I try to live up to everyone's expectations, but it's getting harder and harder to do so. Please don't pity me. I can handle this. I just needed somewhere to put this so I could get a bit of my feelings out. I needed to 'clear my head'... Though it'll take a lot more than this to do that. -
... they are just crazy people ...
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Oh my god, Lana... I'm so sorry.
Maybe you need to get some help for your cousin Valerie. One day she might commit... -
She's seeing a counselor. It's not helping her at all. I hate this... I hate how it's making me think about hurting myself.
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