It's Not So Bad...
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:17pm
Thread Topic: It's Not So Bad...
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Sure, like everything it has its downsides. Like decreased self esteem and confidence and whatever. To be honest, I quite enjoy isolation. I find more company in myself than I do with anyone else. I could be surrounded by thousands of people and still feel as lost and alone as I often feel when I am standing away from the crowd. Sometimes I wonder if something I'm not noticing about myself is warding off others, as if there's a giant "DO NOT BEFRIEND" sign on my forehead. I have all but one true friend. And even so, we only talk a bit. I could sit in my dark room for hours, days, and not give a living s--- about what's going on with other people. It's quite sad, really, the fact that I don't desire human interaction like so many others do. Lots of people my age make up drama to get attention while I just avert my gaze and refuse to speak about anything that's on my mind. There's only a few exceptions to that. I constantly find myself bottling stuff in until I explode under the pressure. I find more value in intellect than in socialistic matters, and I'm often content with being alone. Sometimes I desire to be left to fend for myself. So many people think that reaching out to me helps, but it really makes things worse. I'm not like other people. When I have a problem, I need to lock myself in my room and sort things out... alone.
Another disadvantage to being a bit antisocial is the fact that I often hate talking to my family (mother, father, and brothers exceptions). I don't like dealing with other people much, and I like to keep the drama to minimum. My cousins are a bit overbearing and high maintenance... I can't deal with that. I hate how people blame my lack of social involvement on my parents. They'd more than happy to send me wherever. It's solely my choice that keeps me where I am. I can't hold up a very long conversation without things getting awkward with most people. I find I just can't relate to anyone but one or two individuals. Like I said before, being antisocial has its perks and it's downsides. I find that they pretty much meet at the middle. I miss a lot, but by missing the important things I can then focus on my life instead of worrying about others'.
I find my sociality declining slowly as I've been here. At first I was so bubbly and eager to chat... Now I just mainly post some random junk that sinks to the bottom pages of the forums quickly. People find amusement in it for a second and then go back to what they were previously doing. It's not that I don't enjoy talking to you guys. I really do, it's just that I've lost the need and the desire to. If you strike up a conversation with me, I will respond, but there are still only a few users currently this site that I can hold up a decent chat with, which is why I mostly occupy myself with soaps and role plays; they're one of the only things keeping me here.
It's not so bad being me. It is tough being seen as a pushover, but I can handle myself. I tend to shy away from my problems and situations where I have to speak to others, but that's who I am. I'm not one that longs for interaction. I'm perfectly fine just handling myself, even that's a bit tricky at times.
If you can relate, wonderful. If you can't, that's okay as well.
If I mysteriously disappear from a chat, chances are I just got sick of talking to people. Don't take it personally... I just need my time to think. Thinking occupies most of my time really. So if you're wondering what the deal is with me, this is it. -
I like isolation too and when I'm in my room, that's the only song I listen to. The only thing that kinda gets on my nerves is that peiple don't notice when I'm gone. Its not even a passing thought in their mind.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to take the spotlight, I'm not.
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