Hansel
Thread Topic: Hansel
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I create most of my problems. I feel like people push me away so in turn I become distant. I feel like the people who know me best don't really know me. I feel like each day I get worse to deal with each and every time. I also feel like people ignore me, not people here but people outside. They only seem to care if I'm falling apart. I guess that's why I relate to Hansel. I don't know what to do about my theater project or the missed performance.
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I am worthless, pointless, and lonely. I always seem to feel lonely and nothing I do ever seems to change how lonely I am. It's so soul crushing. I want help.
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I'm going to graduate and then what do I do. What do I do with this Sisyphian effort. I feel Happiest when I do seemingly nothing. All I want is the junkiest parts of life and I expect friends when I do nothing. What is the point in me
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I feel like this so often. I don't want to Leach, I don't want to stay here, I don't want to get a job, I don't want to do anything. I feel like all my problems could be fixed with therapy and I don't want to admit I'm casually thinking about dying. I'm not really depressed, I still find joy, but I just don't feel like life has a point. I feel like I feel emotions way less than I should
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I need to ask for help, I want to ask for help, but who can I ask for help? There is no one to ask. The people who care enough don't need this bulls---.
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When was the last time I genuinely felt something? When was the last time I felt genuinely sad enough to cry? It's been awhile. When have I last felt happy? Even getting out of school early didn't help that. How do I ask about school stuff?
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I need to be distracted. It's getting worse.
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My heart hurts
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I hate myself
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For once in my life I'd like to feel like I actually have a purpose that isn't so parasitic. All I want is a comfortable life but what I want is also heavily involved with college which I will never be able to go to because it's far too expensive for a leech like me. I also can't drive and I barely feel like I can take care of myself and I have anger issues and soon enough I'll be a useless adult who a better half of the world thinks should die because I'll be 18 with no job still living in my parent's house and playing video games all day not even brushing my teeth and wishing a stray bullet would put me out of my misery.
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This site has an odd habit of reminding me how alone I feel. When I look on gtq I'm reminded of how social interaction works, and how far removed I am from it. I wish I could be less... Chronically online. I feel like the only place I feel happy is the Internet and that's a dangerous road.
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I'm such a f---ing attention whore. To the point it's not even funny. I seem to fall apart if it's not about me. I can't stand when I do this. It upsets me but I can't seem to stop. I can't seem to set myself down and stop talking about me like some f---ing chariciture of a selfish person. I'm ashamed of myself. I am ashamed of Emily.
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Natalie is going into middle school, and I still don't have a job. I'm worthless. The worst part is that I'll probably have to live with my mom until the realization that I don't matter and never mattered sinks in enough for me to finally decide to end myself.
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I haven't gotten better for awhile. It's all downhill.it all devolves when I confusedly walked home from psychology class. I was done. I didn't have any finals to take but I was supposed to show up and I didn't know that. I should've checked because the voice in my head both rationalized it and demonized it and at this point it's like my own stupid pity party. Maybe Ms Bilyeu expected too much of me or maybe I'm just the stupid one for having believed I could have been better. I am nothing and I want to be everything. I can't stand who I am
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It's so vapid. I don't think I've ever had the potential to be anything else and if I did it died a long f---ing time ago. Emily is a failed and wasted concept of a person who only wanted to do things she was bad at and peaked in highschool through one okay performance and some okay story concepts and she's going to die a f---ing burden to her family that they'll speak highly of because they liked believing there was something better there at some point
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