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- Locked by Br0wnieBunny on Sep 21, '22 5:00pmReason: owner request
Thread Topic: .
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Just gonna scream rq bc I've been trying to be quiet and play happy
I'm tired. I'm so f---ing tired. I'm always reminded of what I don't do, and when I do something, how it's never enough. I don't want to live my life being screamed at solely because my mom is upset. I can't just "move out".
I was begging for a doctor's appointment for months before getting one, but I was seen as being overdramatic. I'm physically tired as well.
Mentally? Everything's so different and I don't know what's wrong with me. I change so rapidly, my views, my opinions, it's like I'm a totally different person, going from love to hate over the smallest things. Everyone is shutting me out irl when I try to talk about it, saying I don't act erratic enough to fit their standard of concern. Luckily, a provider said she can see if she can get me a neuropsych test.
And then the whole situation with a guy who made me feel pressured to date him, despite me saying no multiple times. As I grew older, I realized that feeling of romantic love...just didn't vibe with me. I told him I was questioning if I was aro, and on top of that, I'm a lesbian. He told me I "act pretty romantic". And some other stuff I'm not going into
I just want to not be alive. I've been on every medication, had a therapist for the majority of my life weekly, been to both in and out patient mental hospitals. And nothing's working. I try so hard for nothing but misery.
The only person irl I feel actually loves and understands me, is my cat.
I just want to disappear forever. My nightmares are bad, and then I wake up to live something 10x worse.
[Note: I am 100% safe! I'll probably go to bed after this tho lol]
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